The Courage To Exit Abusive Relationships

by Modupe Akinyemi

Abuse in whatever form is detrimental to its victim’s health and wellbeing. Many people both male and female go through abusive relationships, they are aware of the pain and torment yet find it difficult to leave. Abuse can be in form of domestic violence that involves physical contact, sexual abuse and the use of demeaning words that beats down the victim’s personality while the abuser is consistently in control. In both situations and many others that may exist, abusive relationships affect the victim physically, emotionally, mentally and psychologically.

Outsiders usually find it difficult to comprehend why the victim would rather stay where he/she is being maltreated as opposed to leaving to one that adorns with love and adoration. However, for anyone who is or has once been in any committed relationship, you know that ending such relationship can be hard either it is abusive or not. Unfortunately, those in abusive relationships create and find many reasons to stay rather than leave.

Abusive relationships most times isolate the victims from families and friends. This isolation makes it difficult for them to make a strong decision to leave. Mainly because they are beaten and torn, they battle with confusion, hesitation and uncertainty about whether or not they want to exit the relationship.

For a lot of people, hope keeps them in. Many people in abusive relationships believe that one day their partner will change.  Some even believe staying is helping as they are the ones who understand the partner.  They usually want to fix and change them. Not that change is impossible, but it takes time and you may not be alive to see it happen or it may not happen at all.

Many women battle with lack of self-worth, fear and self-blame. Some women are so engrossed in the relationship that they define themselves on the standard their partner sets. This way they believe they are the reason/cause for his abusive behaviour- they are his triggers, so they are afraid of their partner. This fear makes them stay and they continually find themselves in a state of not being good enough. They see nothing good about themselves or what they do therefore they deserve whatever their partner does.

Also, we cannot eliminate society from being a reason as to why people stay in abusive relationships. Expectations here and there keep a lot of people in this kind of relationships. How can a relationship coach or pastor’s wife exit their relationship or marriage? No one wants to be judged as being incapable of keeping a relationship/home. In some African culture for example, once a woman is married she is to endure whatever she encounters in marriage, thoughts of exiting are not options at all.  So, you find women who have redefined the purpose of makeup from beautification to hiding bruised faces because they are enduring what marriage gave them.

Whatever, the scenario it is important to remember some key things:

  1. You are not to blame for anything.
  2. Nothing is wrong with you that makes you an element for abuse and misuse, so you are not the cause of your partner’s misconduct.
  3. You should be happy and respected!
  4. You cannot change anybody. So, staying in that relationship will not help your partner in any way. You are only cheering him on.
  5. You have the right to say NO! To stand up for yourself and against what you don’t want.
  6. You don’t have to conform to the society. You own your life and your freedom!
  7. You are not alone. There are many people out there to help you.

That said, it is important that you make up your mind on the decision to save yourself and get out of the relationship.  Once that is done, please SPEAK UP! There are many support systems available out there to help. If you are not aware of any, you can just leave a comment at the end of this article or send an email to abovewhispers@gmail.com and help will come your way.

It is not easy to leave a relationship you have invested so much in but for your sanity please SUMMON THE COURAGE TO.

Perhaps you choose to stay, kindly develop a scheme for your safety. Memorize emergency contacts, practice quick escape and be ready to leave at any time.

Much more be kind to and love yourself!

Images : Google Images

Source: Above Whispers

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