Women Are Their Own Worst Enemy: Ten Ways To Prove This Saying Wrong

Last week  I was a Guest Speaker at a workshop in  Abuja on Women and Youth in Political Participation. During the discussions that followed, there was a consistent reference to the saying ‘Women are their own worst enemies’, echoed by both male and female participants. From my own experience, I can argue both sides of the case. I know that women are capable of doing unspeakable things to other women, I have no illusions about that.  However, like an incurable romantic, my position has always been that it is not women who are each other’s worst enemy, it is patriarchal oppression. At the workshop, women spoke about other women being their greatest allies in their political journeys while some spoke about being persecuted by other women. I think this is a debate that might never be resolved satisfactorily. Women will not automatically like other women because they share the same sex. If however, we are indeed concerned about more unity and cohesion amongst women in the face of patriarchal oppression, there are a number of things women can do to stop people from repeating the awful refrain that ‘women are their own worst enemy’.

  1. Stop using social media as a weapon to terrorise women

    I know this is wishful thinking, but I can’t help but dream of a day when women will treat one another with respect in cyberspace. How does a mistress post messages threatening her lover’s wife on Instagram? How does a woman call Lupita Nyongo ‘’dirty’ because of her black skin? Why would a woman call another woman fleeing a violent relationship a ‘prostitute’?


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Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com



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21 Responses to Women Are Their Own Worst Enemy: Ten Ways To Prove This Saying Wrong

  1. D'apoet October 31, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    Can’t stop wishing all women will read and just know all these. The world would be a better place, even for men

  2. Femi Diipo October 31, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    You hardly meet a guy who doesn’t have a male friend, but several women can’t keep at least a close female friend. I think women should really learn to support and cope with themselves as well as follow these golden rules

  3. precious October 31, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    women!!! the world leave’s in the hands of woman. I thank God this topic is been posted so be it will really try to make sure some ladies read this and understand this post.

  4. Olakunle Olajide November 1, 2016 at 7:43 am

    I love this write up. This is so apt. This is just the reality of life. And i hope women would be able to work together in love. I experienced something of sort during the course of last month where passers-by already concluded that a woman was the culprit without even getting to the scene of two vehicles blocking each other. I don’t understand why women find it hard to let things go. I’m sharing this asap because i am sure it will help someone out there.

  5. Legzycool November 1, 2016 at 8:01 am

    This is so thoughtful of you ma. Women really are not helping each other, it’s like they just love to fight each other for the silliest reasons one can imagine. I hope they can get to understand the strength one gets by helping each other.

  6. Opeyemi November 1, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    This is deep. I wish women would always want to learn because i have had personal experiences with ‘wicked’ women. I hope the change really happens.

    I am good and i know that there are few good ones around also

  7. Arite Anne November 1, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    ‘I hear that the woman was a beer seller’ that really cracked me up but really who buys the beer more?. Seriously, we should not always be like this. We should stand for each other and help ourselves win.

    I hate talking about my past to my girls because i feel they won’t keep it and when trouble starts, they will dismantle it publicly. I will share this with my friends, this is really a Character Builder.

  8. Maveedah November 1, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    Tell me more about what women do to themselves but I can tell you like the writer, that I have seen good women.

    Whn my uncle wanted to get married to an igbo woman we were so tensed. It was just one of the sterotypes that Igbo women are demons but This woman is So sweet. Very accommodating, Honest and so great a woman she is….

    If we had stopped him from getting her, we would have stopped a good woman from being a part of the family.

  9. Olaniyi November 1, 2016 at 4:39 pm

    Women should be praised.
    Loooool. Okay, i think my female friends should see this.

  10. Detutu November 1, 2016 at 4:51 pm

    Women should read this oooooo

    I have lots of male friends than female friends because i am scared of my female friends. I don’t know if it’s nature but women are full of drama.

    There are good ones though but then, experience has taught some of us evil stuff.

  11. Lota November 1, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    Getting on this platform has been worth every click and this isn’t different at all.

    Women! Women! Women! Of course we are so full of different dramas but i think if we constantly tell ourselves the truth like this, the world will be a better place.

    If we constantly get to teach ourselves manners genuinely we will match forward and these men won’t use us against ourselves. Thanks for this great platform of learning. One last thing, if we keep reading from great sites like this and stop running on gossip sites, Our lives would change.

  12. DSEED November 1, 2016 at 9:48 pm

    Woman who is not reading this article is missing out. These points are really helpful. Come think of it, there are some points listed here that must of the woman don’t even know how to handle well.

  13. Olowolafe Olanrewaju November 1, 2016 at 9:51 pm

    This is wow… Like seriously as a woman if you don’t get this key points right you are out. We just have to accept our weakness here and work on it.

  14. olakitan November 1, 2016 at 9:57 pm

    Inspirational! Women this is a call for repentance because most of us as been a victim of any of the points listed here. Let stop be enimity to one another.

  15. lanfem. November 1, 2016 at 9:59 pm

    This is very deep thoroughly. We just have to learn from this lesson and making right the wrong.

  16. lafe D. November 1, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    A lesson to all women…

  17. Olufunke Baruwa November 2, 2016 at 6:56 pm

    Useful tips I must admit.. women are their own best friends!

  18. Bamisebi toluwalope November 4, 2016 at 8:18 pm

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm, very true ma. I hope all women will read this and learn from this. Women really need to be each other’s keeper and each other’s friends and not enemies.

  19. Pingback: Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi Shares 10 Things Women Can Do To Stop People From Believing Women Are Their Own Worst Enemies – Woman.NG


  21. Pingback: APT! First Lady, Bisi Fayemi Shares 10 Things Women Can Do To Stop People From Believing Women Are Their Own Worst Enemies - Motherhood In-Style Magazine

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