In my class on Nigerian Foreign Policy taught by the late Professor Olajide Aluko, there was a
quiet, soft-spoken and very good -looking guy. One day I was reading at the Hezekiah
Oluwasanmi Library, and when I was about to leave, I found out that I did not have my library
card on me to take out the books I needed. I looked around to see if there was any one who could
help me, and there he was, the shy guy from my class. I walked up to him, said hello, and asked
him if he had his library card on him and if he could help me take some books out. He nodded
and smiled, showing a cute gap in his front teeth. I gave him the list of books I needed and
promised to pick up the books from his room later. As I walked away, he called out, ‘please don’t
forget to come’. I smiled to myself. Of course I would not forget, they were my books! I went to
his room that night to pick up my books. As I was leaving, I asked him if he was free the
following evening and if he wanted to watch a movie, he flashed that lovely smile again and said
yes. Later on, I discovered that he had no interest in movies. His only interest was me. That is
how I met Kayode Fayemi.

The above excerpt is from my autobiography, ‘Speaking above a Whisper’ (2013). The story
about how I met John Olukayode Fayemi at University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo
University) when we were both Post Graduate students is well known. He is still quiet. He is still
soft-spoken. He is still quite handsome. He is still awesomely brilliant. The shy gentleman who I
met in class in September 1986, has achieved so much and has become one of the most inspiring
voices of our generation. I knew back then that Kayode Fayemi would be great. How did I know
this? He was, and still is, disciplined, focused and serious. He prefers to spend his time poring
over The New Yorker, Newsweek or The Economist. Where many look to clubs, pubs, parties
and the like to unwind, Kayode is fixated on the news cycles on BBC News, CNN or Al Jazeera.
People might wonder, so what does he do to relax? He reads – anything and everything. He
debates – the future of Africa, the potential of Nigeria, the new wave of globalisation, the
failings of the international peace and security architecture, the role of civil society in ensuring
the sustainability of democratic gains and so on. When he is done debating, he writes. About all
the lessons he has learnt over the years as a scholar, researcher, activist, journalist, politician,
community leader, global citizen.

As we grew together over the years, it never ceased to amaze me, how consistent JK is. When he
ventured into politics, his natural reticence was cause for concern to many. Politicians are
supposed to be open books, saying what they think, see and feel, since this tends to give their
supporters a sense of ownership. JK was a politician who wanted to solve problems affecting his
people, not the kind of leader to tell them only what they wanted to hear. JK always believed that
as Africans, we deserve the very best, not just what we believe our circumstances or contexts
dictate. He is always looking ahead to what is possible, not fixated on what is not achievable in
the short-term. Envisioning, strategic thinking, leveraging relationships and partnerships to
accomplish goals, have always been JK’s strengths.

A few years ago, I stopped calling him JK. This is what I have called him since we first met. In
political circles, people started calling him JKF, so I began to lose my proprietary rights to his
nickname. JK has weathered unbelievable storms, particularly in the political arena. He has
battled and won, fought and lost, struggled and triumphed, all these over and over again. He is a
warrior, battle tested and always ready. That is why I now call him my Jagunmolu. My warrior.
Disciplined, focused, courageous, loving, supportive, strong, kind, gentle, tough, firm, all the
attributes and occasional contradictions to be found in great leaders.

I have been blessed to have JK as a soulmate and life partner. The career path I decided to take
would have been a rough one if I did not have someone like JK as a husband. A young man on
Facebook once asked me, ‘How can I find a loving, successful, respectful wife?’. My response
was, ‘Are you willing to be a loving, successful, respectful husband?’ Why are you looking for
what you yourself do not have? There are many men like JK who have supported their spouses
and who also believe in a world that is fair and equitable. Such men might not be in the majority,
but I know JK has been mentoring many others who also understand the value of true
partnerships and not unions based on tyranny.

Many years ago, when we were both in London, I was on the Africa Committee at the European
Union Migrants Forum, which was set up to monitor race relations with the EU. This entailed
quarterly meetings in Brussels. I was on one of those trips in December 1992. When I finished
the meeting, I went to catch the night ferry from Brussels to Dover, UK. We did not have
Eurostar then, that did not happen till 1994. The ferry was supposed to leave at 12am. When we
got there at 10pm, there was a notice up that the ferry had been cancelled and the next one was
not available till 8am the following morning. It was freezing cold, I had come down with a cold,
I had a bad headache and I was running a temperature. I was so miserable. I went to a phone
booth (we did not have cell phones then) to call JK to let him know. Before I could explain what
had happened, I burst into tears. He was so alarmed. When I told him what had happened, he told
me not to cry, and that everything would be alright. He asked me to look around and see if there
were hotels near the port, and I said yes, there were lots of them. He told me to go to one of them
and get some sleep. There was so much love, kindness and empathy in his voice, I have never
forgotten the way it made me feel, the comfort, the warmth, the safety, the sense that this is
someone I can always depend on. I have never forgotten his voice that night and the way he
made me feel. Nothing has changed to this day.

JK darling, my Jagunmolu, I wish you a Happy 60th Birthday. I thank God Almighty for your
life and for his abundant grace over you. Thank you for being a wonderful, loving, husband and
father. May you be blessed with many more years in good health and peace of mind. May the
mercy of God Almighty be upon you always. May He strengthen you and uphold you in all
things and in all ways. I love you.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Feminist Activist, Gender Specialist, Leadership Coach, Policy Advocate and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com