How To Understand Yourself Before Falling In Love

Remember when you and your partner first met? When you were first together, you always gave it your all because your partner’s love woke you up to the gift of life. You worked so hard to come up with creative ideas for dates and conversations and you strove to show the very best of you no matter the circumstances. You consistently innovated, coming up with effective new ways to make your partner feel loved, unique and cherished.

When did that stop and why? What is passion in a relationship if it’s not ongoing?

In the beginning of your relationship, you achieved love and happiness because you were fully, unquestionably committed to meeting your partner’s needs! And guess what? You were feeling a deep level of joy and fulfilment, despite all that work, because your extraordinary devotion was making your partner happy and you were building a lasting, deep connection. Those powerful positive emotions you felt were reflected back to your partner and that sharing made them even more positive.

If you’re now wondering how to get passion back in your relationship, it means you’ve lost the devotion and energy that was initially there and negative emotions are starting to replace positive ones. How do you get it back? Is your relationship doomed?

Creating the relationship you want and deserve depends on your level of commitment to the desired outcome. Do you have clarity on what you want? With clarity comes focus, and once you have focused your brain will hone in like a missile. But, clarity and focus depend on your state. Before you can think of creating fulfilling relationships, you must master yourself.


How do you achieve clarity and mastery? There are three levels to mastery:

The first level focuses on explicit Cognitive Understanding of what you want. You get it –you know what you’re after.

At the second level, you achieve Emotional Mastery, where you start to feel an emotional pull that drives you toward your outcomes.

Finally, the third level is Physical Mastery. Everyone wants to be here first, but physical mastery cannot be achieved without mastering the first two levels. Cognitive and emotional mastery allow you to focus on what you need to do, what works and what doesn’t and it clarifies your emotional commitment. Now you own it, and you’re applying your knowledge consistently and persistently until it becomes muscle memory, a physical pattern or habit.

For example, let’s say that you recognize your tendency to withdraw physically and emotionally from your partner when there’s trouble or conflict and you recognize that this tendency leads to a loss of trust and no passion in your relationship. Over time, this pattern will break down your relationship. You won’t be able to stop this pattern until you commit to conditioning a new response by practicing it as many times as it takes, creating new physical memories and relationship patterns. One of the 10 cardinal rules of love is to never get stuck in repetitive patterns because they lead to lack of passion in a relationship. You must find a way to interrupt the pattern and create new outcomes.

This may sound like a lot of work, but what would you do for the love of your life? Anything. What fears, beliefs or memories can you transform to go to the next level? What do you need to do now to create the relationship you desire and deserve?

When you can answer these questions and commit to instituting new responses, you’ve mastered yourself. You’re at the heart of how to get passion back in your relationship and can now focus on creating the joyful partnership you crave.




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4 Responses to How To Understand Yourself Before Falling In Love

  1. Ibukunoluwa November 29, 2023 at 10:50 pm

    Wow. Really Helpful. Thanks.

  2. Iyanuoluwa Isinkaye December 1, 2023 at 8:14 am

    Very Thorough. Thanks

  3. Adegbola Opeyemi December 2, 2023 at 7:01 pm


  4. Rachael December 7, 2023 at 7:05 am

    Hummm Helpful!


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