The Dynamics Of Parenting (2)

By Honey Olorunsola


“Yes, I don’t want to be a parent, at least not yet. Parenting is more than just a role or the name, it’s a responsibility”, these were the words of Olakunle, the first child of the Olawales. Olakunle has grown enough to get married and also bear kids but he has refused to do any. The upbringing he got from his parents was so bad that he didn’t want to train his kids that way. His parents had the money but not the knowledge and this actually affected his upbringing. Why do some of these so-called parents think it’s always about money, once they can give you money to sort out your needs, they feel they are fulfilled. So the parents usually spend more of their time chasing the money instead of with their family. How do we achieve a sane society when we can’t even take care of our families? My heart bleeds when I see kids that are not trained the proper way. We will be talking about a very delicate issue today; PARENTING, A RESPONSIBILITY NOT JUST A ROLE.

If your own reason for being a parent is so that your friends and the society can respect you and start calling you “Mummy this” and “Daddy that”, you have failed from the beginning because our mindset in any of our actions really matters.  When was the last time you played with your kids, when was the last time you took them out, when was the last time you had a family evening or night where you all talk about the family and everyone gets to pour out their mind? Are you the kind of parents that doesn’t believe your child when she tell you things or are you the type that takes a decision that will affect the entire member of the family without carrying your kids along? All these things are very wrong, we need to check it. In life as a parent, there are only three seasons

1. YOU’RE IN CHARGE OF YOUR CHILD’S LIFE. This is the stage where you have total control of the child. Every instruction is obeyed at this stage because you’re in charge and the child has no choice. Enjoy it while it last because nothing last forever. This stage usually lasts between ages 0-12.

2. THE CHILD IS IN CHARGE OF HIS LIFE. This is the time when the child takes decision sometimes without informing the parent and sometimes, the parent gets to know but they can do little or nothing to alter the decision. This falls between ages 14- 30.

3. THE CHILD IS IN CHARGE OF HIS LIFE AND YOUR LIFE. This will be determined by whatever happens in the first stage. Little wonder why we see that some parents are usually neglected by their children when they’ve grown to the dependent stage and vice versa. At this stage, the child controls everything and even takes decisions for you because there’s nothing you can do about it. How you manage the first season will determine what you will enjoy in the third season so I’ll advise that you manage it well. This stage is usually between ages 35- forever.

No parent prays for neglect in their old age but it still happens but some of these parents do not know why. My advice; be good to your children, be their best friend. I will be dishing out ideas on how to become a better parent.

First of all, if you’re not ready, please don’t bother becoming one. Ready means you can cater to their needs, be there for them, give them attention, love them like you would and make them your friends and not just your kids. Parenting has to be a conscious effort and responsibility, it’s not going to be easy but you have to be committed to it, hard work involves a lot of commitment and it produces results at the end of the day.

BE THE PERSON YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE.  Respect your child, show them positive behaviour and attitude, have empathy towards your child’s emotion, and your child will follow suit. Yes, I said to respect your child, the unnecessary ego is what is killing us in this part of the world. We believe that it is only the young ones that should respect the older ones, well respect doesn’t mean we should kneel down to greet our kids, respecting them could mean giving them their privacy when they need it, respecting their ideas, their emotions and all.

SHOW YOUR LOVE. There is no such thing as loving your child too much, loving them cannot spoil them. Only what you choose to do (or give) in the name of love not things like material indulgence, leniency, low expectation and over-protection. When these things are given in place of real love, that’s when you’ll have a spoiled child. Loving your child can be as simple as giving them hugs, spending time with them and listening to their issues seriously. Showing these acts of love can trigger the release of feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, opioids and prolactin. These neurochemicals can bring us a deep sense of calm, emotional warmth and contentment, from these the child will develop resilience and not to mention a closer relationship with you.

GIVE YOUR CHILD POSITIVE EXPERIENCES. They will have the ability to experience positive situations themselves and offer them to others. Give your child negative experiences, they won’t have the kind of development necessary for them to thrive. Sing that song, have a tickle marathon, go to the park, laugh with your child, ride through an emotional tantrum, solve a problem together with a positive attitude. Not only do these positive experiences create good connections in your child’s brain, but they also form the memories of you that your child carries for life. When it comes to discipline, it seems hard to remain positive. But it is possible to practice Positive Discipline and avoid punitive measures. Being a good parent means you need to teach your child the moral in what is right and what is wrong. Setting limits and being consistent are the keys to good discipline. Be kind and firm when enforcing those rules. Focus on the reason behind the child’s behaviour. And make it an opportunity to learn for the future, rather than to punish for the past.

Remember, whatever you do to your child is a prerequisite to what the child will also do to you,

Source: Above Whispers

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