Bringing up a child or children that makes one proud is like winning a trophy for most parents. It is the coveted prize they seek to get at the end of the days of parenting. Doting on one’s children; giving the very best and wanting them to be of good behaviour, definitely seems like a rewarding task for most parents. However, many parents never ever talk about the challenges and difficulties involved in training a child who becomes a teenager, yes, that coming of age phase. (Brrrrh)

Teenagers are like faulty engines at the height of stubborn, wanting their parents to keep trying different oils until they find the one that suits their ideas. Therefore, at this point, most parents keep trying their hands on a lot of things which definitely leads them to the last strand of their patience most of the time. At this stage of growth, for teenagers, they grow into an understanding that they can have their own opinion and make decisions for themselves. Yes, this is what causes those moments when they get rebellious and disobedient and keep company with a friend that might not sit well with you. Don’t be discouraged! There are tips to get through these phases.

That feeling of wanting to spank them (we are Africans, can’t take that from us) or ground them and restrict their movements are very good moves but have you tried to put yourselves in their position to think for a minute how they are feeling. Like, take a trip to your adolescence age and search deeply how you would have wanted to be treated differently or how much more you wanted to be trusted and given certain liberties.

According to WHO, adolescents or young adults are between the ages of 10-24. It is important to note that this is their formative age and they need all the care and love they can get. Try to court them, be their friend( can they open up to you about sexual issues or their first boyfriend or girlfriend?). You will be shocked at the things you will learn from them. Do not be quick to scold them; instead, use the love-scold-love approach.

For instance, your teenager gets drunk,  instead of scolding; shouting and saying all sorts of things to them, you could quietly ask specific questions like what happened? Why did you get drunk? Are you depressed? Is there something you want to talk about? Or did you just want to try out drinking? This way, your teenager gets sober and wants to talk and maybe not talk but knows he/she has a confidant. Then, you can go on and talk about the reasons why he/she shouldn’t do such and talk about all these while still showing love. Please, not the other way round of shoving it down their throats or talking about it every single time or at every mistake, they make (we know we are guilty of this). Why? It makes them want to hide things from us to avoid being reminded of it again and again.

Finally, note that they need to take you as a big sister or brother, such that, this way you can help put them in the right direction. As easy as it may sound reading this, these steps are serious tasks and should be done with care and concern. Balancing work life or being a stay-at-home mom can really wear one out but securing a lifetime friendship with your kids, as well as, their trust, cannot be bought. You would agree with me that a home where the kids are happy is a healthy home and YOU deserve one.