Just before you begin: This is a discussion between three social agents, three women involved in different social innovations who’ve been brought together to discuss the different issues they’ve solved, the different stories they’ve heard and how we all can become good influencers, good change agents. I hope this stirs a thing up as you read.
Meet the Change Agents:
My name is Jadesola Olumide, I Work with women in rural and urban Nigeria. My organization teaches them to work with their hands to make money, well that’s what some people call skills acquisition. I have worked with over 5,000 women and I am still working daily with women and girls.
I am Tomi Nelson, I am an advocate against rape and sexual assault in society. I was working in the UK before coming to stay in Nigeria, and I must say I have seen much more than I expected to see. It’s no news that we have a lot to do but it is news that we need hands to make this happen.
My name is Lilian Ukachi. I am a media personality, social media influencer and trainer. I work with women and girls on a daily basis, I listen to them, motivate them to thirst for more and go beyond their boundaries. We have a lot of women and girls out there whose zest for life has been destroyed. It is imperative that we join hands to make their dreams come true.
Moderator: Hello Ladies, How are you are all doing?
Ladies: We are doing well.
Moderator: So, I came across something online and thought to share and discuss with you all. There’s been this gist that ‘Good girls marry late, sometimes when they get married, they marry men who embarrass them but the Bad Girls, marry good men and marry early’. So, let’s talk about this issue.
Tomi Nelson: {Laughs.} We are very funny in this part of the world. I want us to understand this. It doesn’t matter whether you are a Christian or not, there are principles. If you do not follow those principles, don’t expect a miracle. We know that some women marry later in life but it doesn’t make them lower than the others. I have come to realise that most of the good babes just want to stay in their space, they don’t want to mingle, your husband will not come into your room announcing himself as your husband o. If you don’t go out, if you don’t talk to people, if you don’t mingle, no one would sight you and the other part of marrying bad spouses, that one is the result of their stupidity. There is no way you would date a man with your senses and not see the red flags… You chose to stay, you decided to be with the man, so live with it.
Lilian Ukachi: I like this topic but at the same time, I think this is not a serious issue. Let me tell you why? If as a woman, you want to get married and you are comparing your worth with other people, you are not ready. Are you saying that the bad girls are supposed to stay single for the rest of their days? Who decides the future for them? What even makes a girl good or bad? Women should be given choices to make and whatever consequence follows suit should be your cross to carry and not someone else standing as a determinant for what happens to you or not. Wait, what about the ‘bad’ boys? Aren’t they supposed to marry late? why is it that its the women who have to take in the consequences for whatever it is? The woman should be judged and when her life doesn’t follow the pattern you have predicted, then you get angry and sad. That’s when you hear people say ‘Some women are just lucky’. Yes, they are lucky and why? because you aren’t supposed to orchestrate their life’s journey. Okay! And as Tomi said, it is no one’s business if you do not follow the rules. If you sit in your house when you are supposed to be out, how is that our business when people don’t see you and talk to you? If you refuse to mingle if you refuse to work on your character, how will men see you ehn? It’s no one’s fault but yours.
Jadesola Olumide: In as much as I understand what my sisters are saying, I will address this issue from another angle. Sometimes, some people are delayed for the obvious reasons while some people are delayed because God is doing something different in their lives but breaching the gap is where people fall short. We are a society focused on spirituality that we forget that there are pivotal things that should lay the ground for that. Let me make this clear, if you have done all that there is to do and nothing is coming forth, then, it can be the supernatural trying to do something great in your life. That’s my belief. I know it is a lot of work for adults singles. I know they think deeply about their predicament but at the same time, it is necessary not to be too harsh. You see, when people are going through some hard times, it is easier to do the comparison game. ‘Then why can’t I’ suffices. Why can’t I get a man, why can’t I get married, what makes me different in as much as this epiphany goes on and on, statement like what we have as our topic emerges but we need to talk to women to take things slowly with themselves. Do the right things and move ahead. Live your life one day at a time, live your life in bits. Life one day at a time and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Lilian Ukachi: I think Jadesola is sounding politically correct. She doesn’t want to offend people. I see where she is coming from though but we must also use this platform to say the truth. Say it as it is. No one should wish anyone bad things. If you want a husband, do your best for it. Most of these women should work on their character. Most times, the man you think is far away is right there in your corner just watching you but cannot come close cos there are things you exhibit that he cannot live with and sometimes, your friends are running away from telling you the truth because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. I will rather you tell yourself the truth before pointing fingers. Sometimes, we are our own problems, no spirit dey do us.
Tomi Nelson: Well, babe, change your routine. Change your pattern. Do something different. Leave the old you and start on a new journey and see if things won’t be different. I will like you to also love yourself. Don’t be in a rush to get married, take time to find who you are and enjoy your company. Marriage is one of the beautiful things of life not the most important of thing. I hope you get that right.
Jadesola Olumide: Lol. they said I am sounding politically correct but I would say this… Breathe babe. Breathe… Your time will come. Do the right things and don’t rush. Good things will come.
Moderator: Thank you, Ladies…