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How To Understand Your Partner’s Needs

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Tuesday, April 21st, 2020
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Do you want to feel that passion like you did on the first day you met? You may be ready to listen and give, but how do you know what it is that your partner wants? How does your partner best understand what you’re trying to give? When addressing lack of passion in a relationship, you must get clear on what it is your partner truly needs from you – even if they don’t know how to communicate it.

Most of us have a perceptual bias in the way we communicate. Is your partner more of an auditory person who likes to talk and listen? Or, are they more receptive to visual input, preferring lots of eye contact or seeing your words put into action? Perhaps your partner prefers kinesthetic communication or the stimulus of touch and needs to have physical reassurance on top of verbal communication. If you can’t speak their “love language,” you will find that no passion in your relationships will be an ongoing issue.

Pay attention to your partner’s communication cues. If you know their perceptual bias, you can adjust your communication style to work in tandem with theirs and ultimately find out how to get passion back in your relationship. By being sensitive to each other’s biases, you will both get more of the excitement and affection you want.


Once you’re on the same page as your partner, you can work to better understand how to meet each other’s needs. These manifest in as many ways as there are people, but they all come back to six fundamental human needs.

1. The first human need is certainty, the need to be comfortable, enjoy pleasure and avoid pain. A person with masculine energy can meet the certainty need by being emotionally present, open and honest for their feminine energy partners, even when they are upset. Someone with feminine energy can meet this need by showing their masculine energy partners that their love is unconditional – not just saying so, but being present and refraining from withdrawing even when things go wrong. Little to no passion in a relationship is often the result of uncertainty – but not the beneficial type of uncertainty.

2. Uncertainty is the second human need because we can exercise and demonstrate our physical and emotional range only when challenges and variety are present. Each relationship has masculine and feminine energy (we’ll dive into that more later). Masculine-energized partners can meet this need by initiating surprise dates or token gifts with their feminine partners. Feminine partners can meet this need by being more provocative, and by, for those looking to spice up the bedroom, surprising physically. Lack of passion in a relationship can sometimes be the result of simple boredom, so injecting a little uncertainty into romantic encounters can shake up the routine and reignite passion.

3. The third is to feel significant, needed, special and wanted. Anyone can meet this need by thinking of different ways they can show their partner how important they are. What small thing can you do today, this week or this month to show your partner that there is no one else on Earth who could take their place? What can you do to show how grateful you are for their love? How can you show them their uniqueness is appreciated? When you focus on being your partner’s number one fan, how to get passion back in your relationship becomes much easier.

4. Fourth is love and connection with others. You can best meet this need for your partner by understanding how they experience the world and how they prefer to receive love. If your partner is very visual, they will love it if you gaze into their eyes or wear their favourite clothes; if your partner loves thoughtful gestures, even a small gift will mean the world to them.

5. The fifth human need is growth, because without emotional, intellectual and spiritual development we cannot rise to our potential. This is true of individuals, but it’s just as true for relationships. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. Put in the work that it takes to understand each other and find innovative ways to make things work for both of you to address lack of passion in your relationship.

6. Finally, the sixth need is contribution and giving. Giving is the secret to wealth and fulfilment. What would you do to make the person you love happy? Would you expect something in return or is seeing them in a beautiful state enough? When we give without expectation and focus on appreciation, we give passion a place to flourish.

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