What is This Nonsense About Marriage?

One is continuously amazed at the things happening these days all because of marriage. Now don’t get me wrong marriage is good if you are emotionally, spiritually and financially matured for it. I have chosen those adjectives carefully following my nearly 10 years’ experience in marriage and I agree its not long enough for me to speak 110% about marriage but then why is it that parents (many of them) in our days are happy to give their daughters out in marriage than getting them a job to earn a decent living and be happy doing so.

The trend I am seeing is that parents see marriage more of an achievement, than a daughter who can stand on her feet, care for herself and be happy without a man’s name. This trend is dangerous. Daughters now have to go to prayer mountains all because after graduation they can’t find a descent man to marry hardly has there been a conversation between them and their parents on how they can get jobs and also contribute to the family purse if and when they get married.

Se e fe gbo (do you want to hear?), awon boys ti jaapa (boys are running away). No man wants a liability including yours truly. Let us face the reality. If your daughter or son graduates at 25years in Nigeria today the chances that she/he will get a job immediately after graduation is 0.01%. In order not to stay at home you send her/him to grad school, again their chances of landing a decent job is still very low. Now how do you expect a boy or girl that is yet to get his/her bearing to think of marriage? Marriage is not a goal at all but Shaku-shaku is a goal!

With this scenario parents are in a hurry to let their girls off their responsibilities of feeding, housing and upkeep by asking the poor girl to bring a man home. You then keep hearing narratives like you are not getting any younger, all your mates have gotten married, let us go and see Pastor or Imam so that he can pray for you to have a husband.  Where is the husband?

Most times, people marry from their generation and usually the age gap is between 2 to 5years. The man that you want your daughter to marry where is the job for him to take care of the family? Even if he has a job what is his salary? Now don’t give me that “God will provide” narrative. Let us not even go there. I believe in God and he certainly wants us to work before we eat. But where is that work? We had better face the reality now. Let us assume for the sake of argument that the young man can feed himself and his wife, not most parents want a simple wedding, many are eager to give their wards in marriage at a society wedding. The bridal price and costs associated with having a descent marriage is enough to start a small business.

In Nigeria today, you don’t “break even” (most times) as a graduate until you are around 32-35years that is when “luck” permitting along with your hard work, persistence and resilience you land that big job or contract, some are lucky they achieve a state of self-reliance early enough, but how many are they? Are you getting my sense? You still don’t get? Ok this is what I am saying:

Your daughter will have to marry from this mix of young men who are still struggling to stand on their feet given the economic realities of our country. If your daughter would have to go out of her generation to marry then she is either going to marry a divorcee, widower or someone who also is marrying late but will be far older. Maybe I am not framing this right or what do you think? Well my opinion on this is clear, majority of our daughters even sons will continue to marry late or not marry at all. Epe ko o (it is not a curse). It is our reality.

Stop forcing your daughters or sons about marriage, rather support them in finding descent jobs that can help them become self-sustaining and bring something to the table when they eventually marry including teaching and showing them how to leave according to the dictates of your faith.

Forget about that stereotype around men not liking women to be richer than them. Wos wo bi (Look here) todays realities shows in many family’s how women have turned to breadwinners- they pay school fee, feed their children and husband, some even buy clothes for their husbands too. That is not my portion in Jesus name, did I just hear you say that? I hear you!

But then this is the reality of families, maybe your own reality too. What if the woman didn’t have something to fall back on what will happen to her children. It looks like these days the “gods” are even blessing women more than men. While a man should provide for the family emotionally, spiritually and financially, the economic realities of today does not necessarily mean that a man must do it all. Se e fe pa wa ni (Do you want to kill us?). Smart men are thinking collaboration and partnerships in marriage these days within a culture of mutual respect, equality, equity and love!

Most parents are irritating their daughters with this nonsense about marriage. Na dem they rush us! (new lingo on the streets about marriage pressures) I agree, our fathers and mothers are the one’s rushing us. What do they know. Seems to me that they are not connected to realities of today’s young people. They don’t seem to get what it means to be young and unemployable. Or they are too religious about issues of life that they don’t see the realities!

Shouldn’t the United Nations tell fathers and mothers to create safe spaces for their children of marriageable age to thrive, innovate and disrupt at home? Maybe we can have some respite to this growing menace that is making both boys and girls marry for the wrong reasons, thereby increasing frustration and incidences of gender-based violence.

But then what do I know, school resumes next month, let me “come and be going”, need to ask my wife for her own share of our wards school fees. I cannot come and die away (mi o le pa ara mi danu).


Sign up for Updates

One Response to What is This Nonsense About Marriage?

  1. Olakunle Olajide September 4, 2018 at 9:59 am

    If i hear that I don’t share this post.
    Oh my! Hilarious and point well driven. Infact you said it loud and clear. Unfortunately this is the reality, most parents mount pressure on thei children coupled with the pressures in thid beloved country. Thank you for this reality check, and yes we ain’t stopping, we keep grinding to hit it big.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Notify me of new posts by email.