LOUD WHISPERS: Let Us Pay Attention

When I was young, there was a family who lived close to us on our street in the Fadeyi area of Lagos.  I will call the man of the family Mr Benson. He had a wife, Mrs Remi Benson. When they first arrived on our street, Mr Benson had a motorbike, and his wife would ride the bike with him on occasion. Later on, he could afford a Volkswagen car, and Mrs Benson proudly sat in the front with him. That was the first of many other cars Mr Benson would own. Mr Benson’s fortunes kept improving. He was an Engineer, and he landed a job with one of the top private engineering firms in Lagos. Mrs Benson was a woman who kept to herself. She was shy, and did not seem to have any friends who visited her. She went to work and came back home and that was it. The years went by, and Mr and Mrs Benson did not have any children. Mr Benson, with more income at his disposal, and under pressure from his family, decided to take matters into his own hands. He married a second wife. Let us call her Mrs Benson 2.

Within a couple of months, Mrs Benson 2 was pregnant. That was of course very good news for Mr Benson, but I don’t need to tell you what a disaster it portended for Mrs Benson 1. The usually reserved but friendly Mrs Benson became visibly miserable. She could barely respond to greetings and walked with her head down as if she wanted to make herself as invisible as possible. I was not the one who noticed all this. It was my mother. It surprised me that my mother, who is a very private person, decided to make Mrs Benson’s plight her business.  I asked my mother why she was worried about Mrs Benson, after all they were not friends and she was much younger than my mother. My mother told me that she seemed lonely and had no support system around her. According to my mother, it would only be a matter of time before she totally unraveled, and her rival would edge her out and take over the home she had struggled so hard to build. Mrs Benson was from Ondo State where my parents come from, so there was also an element of community solidarity there. One day, my mother sent for Mrs Benson, and they had a long meeting. My mother offered her a shoulder to cry on, and advised her to look after herself, starting with improving her appearance. In her depression and misery, Mrs Benson had started to look much older than she actually was. Mrs Benson was very grateful for my mother’s offer of support. True to her word, my mother supported Mrs Benson in every way she could, and after a while the results of my mother’s interventions became visible. Mrs Benson looked a lot better and stopped walking as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. She loved spending time with my mum, and I was surprised to see how pretty Mrs Benson was when she laughed. Mrs Benson 2 had her baby, it was a girl. There was a big naming ceremony and even though Mrs Benson 1 was very supportive, I know that her heart was broken. My mother kept telling her it would be alright, and to have patience. Guess what? Mrs Benson 1 got pregnant shortly after. And she had a boy. Mr Benson went crazy with joy. The naming party this time around was much grander than that of her rival. Mrs Benson danced all night. It was a wonderful victory and I was ever so proud of my mother for being such a good friend.

Full article in Loud Whispers cover final


Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com




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18 Responses to LOUD WHISPERS: Let Us Pay Attention

  1. Femi Diipo March 27, 2017 at 10:13 am

    Very thoughtful and deeply inspiring words.

  2. Dom dom March 27, 2017 at 10:20 am

    it is really important to pay attention to the life and struggles of others, especially those who are close to us. Sometimes we assume people are fine when they are really not. May God help us

  3. Olakunle Olajide March 27, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    Thank you ma’am. We should pay attention and give a helping hand even if it is just the small finger, one might not know how important it could be. But the problem is we keep silent with whatever problems we have and I don’t blame people much. The way social media escalates things in the comic way “meme” can be frustrating. People are scared of getting mocked at and the professionals are not readily available or not easy to access. I really appreciate your concern on this matter and i hope we get favorable conditions for living. My sincere condolences to the family of the doctor.

  4. Oluwatosino March 28, 2017 at 1:43 am

    Hmmmmmm, quite deep ma. GOD give us the strength and grace to always do a check up on the people around us, on those far away from us and on those that means alot to us..
    @Olakunle Olajide, you are very right Sir, we tend to keep silent when we are faced with situations, we tend to pretend we are alright when we are going through trying times. I think the world will be a better place if we tend to loosen up a bit and look for that one person we can share our problems with. I think the world will be a better place if we all take turns to check on our friends and loves ones and make them feel comfortable sharing their problems with us.
    The young medical Doctor incident was a very pitiful and painful incident. I pray that the good Lord will give his family the fortitude ti bear this big loss. RIP to the young doctor.

  5. Princess March 28, 2017 at 11:20 am

    This write up is just too intuitive. Deep and full of insights. God bless you maam.

  6. Kafayat March 28, 2017 at 11:27 am

    The thing is that most of us are very self centred and tied fisted, most people cant even render help to their own family members not to talk of caring for others. All they care about is me, me, me. We all need someone in one way or the order to show us love and vice versal.

  7. Akpes March 28, 2017 at 11:48 am

    I dont know why am getting all emotional about this write up. Truth be told the heart of men is sometimes very wicked. I witnessed the just concluded ife vs hausa crisis and i can boldly say evil dweals amidst us, a neighbour brought out his flat mate and ended his life all because they are not from same geographical region. What a world we live in.

  8. Esosua March 28, 2017 at 11:58 am

    Truth be told, sometimes we just need to drop some mundane attitudes and live our lives by being altruistic and dependable. We should learn to check up on friends, families and loved ones. We shouldnt assume they are fine or they are actually putting up a hoity toity habit with us when they are not. We should learn to live for others, thats the only way we can achieve a common goal in life and hence there would be no regrets.

  9. DSEED March 28, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    This piece is very nice. It is good to always pay attention to people around us. Not only paying attention but also make them to realize how much we care about them.

  10. Monica March 28, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    This is why I Love checking here. what a thoughtful piece. It reminded me of a friend who almost ran mad over a failed relationship. It was her post on bbm which we tagged ‘running mad’, that made me call her. I thought it was nothing but I just felt the need to put a call through and mehn! it wasn’t funny.

    she found solace and now she is very good. I am happy this was written, we need to take care of our neighbours.

  11. Maureen Adams March 28, 2017 at 2:42 pm

    This is deep, thoughtful and very emotional. It brought me close to tears. Really, we should just be a part of one another’s life because life can really be harsh.
    A lot of the people sleeping on the mountain have no business there, if only they can receive the adequate support system needed for them.
    Thank you mama

  12. Wilson Adefemi March 28, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    I love this but you know, some people have been betrayed. They have told the wrong people who made jest of them and made them quite miserable like leila, they concluded that everyone will be like the zimbabwe community. In as much as it’s good to share and seek help, let’s be sensitive enough so we don’t disclose to the wrong person or persons.

  13. sharon dede March 28, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    Well said. We should love our neighbours. There is a difference between being nosy and caring. We should care, really care.
    Thanks for this, it’s inspiring and highly emotional.

  14. Branny March 29, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    The bitter truth is, you cant give what you dont have. Most people are filled with bitterness and thus extends it to every dik and harry they come across in their sphere of life.

  15. Olajumoke March 29, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    True but sad, many people have a way of surpressing depression. People act and carry on daily pretending life is just right with them. we simply have lost the touch of warmth and friendliness, every story heard must become a gist or something shared with another, so many people dont see the reason why they should trust anyone to share their struggles with. We really should be our brothers keeper not his competition.

  16. Tolulope Adefemi March 30, 2017 at 9:47 am

    This is real. Depression is real and we must sincerely care. I got pissed when Nigerians started making unhealthy joke via the lagoon incidence. It’s wrong. We should be sensitve enough to know what to joke about.

  17. Olufunmilola March 30, 2017 at 9:50 am

    Condelences to the family of the young doctor. I have heard so many stories about this issue, from the fact that ‘aye’ did it to, he has epilepsy. Whatever the case, we should reach out to people. Some people are facing indepth crisis that they can’t even explain in words. Let’s call people, visit them and reach out no matter how little.

  18. Ebonychyqui2 April 2, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    There’s nothing as important as paying attention to ones self and the environment. And that’s what makes you very sensitive to things around you!


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