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Mother’s Day message: A Mother’s Pain

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Sunday, March 6th, 2016
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happy_mothers_day

Labour pains are very intense and all consuming. Mothers don’t dwell too much on the pain they go through because as excruciating as the experience is, beholding the face of the miracle from God that is the end result, is enough to forget everything. Till the next time of course. What mothers do not talk about is the actual pain of being a mother, a feeling that is with us from the moment we give birth, till the moment we draw our own last breath. Every mother feels this pain. We feel it regardless of whether our children are fine or not. This is what fuels us to watch over our children with eyes at the back of our heads. It is this primordial emotion that keeps women entrenched in bad relationships, all because of their children. Mothers work their fingers to the bone – they sell whatever they can, hawk things, cook, clean,  anything to make sure they can keep their children sheltered, clothed, fed and educated.  When our children take first position in class, we are anxious for them to stay on top so we push relentlessly for them to continue to be the best. If they take third position, they get a kick from us because ‘the person who came first does not have two heads’. And if they are at the bottom of the class? We go all out with a combination of beatings, threats, pleas, bribes and prayers. We advocate for them with teachers, if we can afford it we get extra tutoring, we argue with our husbands ( if they don’t do well they are yours not his!) and we never cease with our intercessions on their behalf.

When they become adults, our pain manifests though a new range of anxieties. Will they find good jobs? If yes, hope it is not too far from home. What? You are going to Australia? Are there no hospitals ‘nearby’ like in the UK or Germany where you can practice medicine? You don’t want to practice Law, you want to be a singer? Are you mad, you are an Engineer but you want to be a Dancer? Will they find the right kind of partner? Where is he from? Anambra State? How will you cope with his family, since you are from Ogun State? Where is she from? Ondo State? I know her grandfather, they are not a good family. And so on. How come your wife is not pregnant yet? Are you waiting for your husband to impregnate another woman?

Full article in Loud Whispers cover final

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the founder of Above Whispers.com, an online platform for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com.

5 Responses

  1. This is lovely and heartwarming ma even to me as a son… More grace to your elbow ma! Miss you and your lovely husband @ the Land of Honour…

  2. And a salute to Mothers like Bisi Adeleye -Fayemi, who have mothered and mentored hundreds of daughters in the movement. By helping them get access, knowledge, information, recipes, scholarships, good advice, career guidance, relationship reality checks and best of all, friendship! Thank you for the pain and the many gains!

  3. A woman will always pray till she gives her last breathe. Mothers are the most ‘handful’creatures in the world. They will never complain,they do all in Joy. I salute all the mothers everywhere in the world. God bless this write up.

  4. A mothers like a ray of sunshine Whose heart is just pure gold. A mother beams with happiness that’ll never grow old. She’ll stay in my heart forever As if she were inside We’ve shared so many things, We laughed, we smiled, we cried. I love my mother very much and still throughout the years We share the mother daughter love, and always when I fear,
    I know I’ll always have my mother somewhere very near! God bless our mothers.

  5. Mothers are the sweetest gift from Gods to us. There is no
    way we can ever really thank our mother for all she does for us nevertheless we must make it a habit to keep reminding ourselves of the various sacrifices she made while raising us. Mother’s Day is the best Mothers are the sweetest gift from Gods to us. There is no way we can ever really thank our mother for all she does for us nevertheless we must make it a habit to keep reminding ourselves of the various sacrifices she made while raising us. Mother’s Day is the best time to say in words how much you love and care for your mum.time to say in words how much you love and care for your mum.

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