LOUD WHISPERS: Feminism 101: Ten Myths About Feminists

I gave a talk at a forum organized recently to address women’s rights issues in Nigeria. After my presentation, a woman walked up to me to thank me for my presentation which she said she enjoyed, and then said, ‘Listening to you, one would think that you are a Feminist’. I stared at her in confusion. I managed to muster a response after a few seconds, ‘I am a Feminist’ I told her. Now it was her turn to look confused. At that point, I pulled away from her to attend to someone else, grateful that I was spared the need to do a Feminism 101.

Soon after that incident, I was at a seminar for professional women. All the participants present were women across generations, many of whom had done a fine job of carving a niche for themselves in the brutal worlds of business and politics. The Compere for the day was providing some context for the event, and then she said, ‘We are not talking about Feminism, we are talking about women’s rights’. I almost fell off my chair. I looked around to see if there were any kindred spirits around. I found one, a sister I have worked with in the feminist movement for years. We shared a look and a slight smile. Feminism 101 required again.

I fully understand why most people are afraid, mystified, misinformed or uninformed about the word Feminism. I am not going to turn this into an academic essay about the global history of Feminism, the various ‘schools’ and ‘waves’,  and its place in the firmament of social change ideologies. Remember, it is Feminism 101. What I am going to do is name a couple of myths that people have bandied about over the years about Feminism and Feminists.

  1. Feminists hate men

    No, they do not. Feminism is a global struggle against all forms of patriarchal oppression. Anyone who believes this is a Feminist. Patriarchy derives its power from the control of all economic, political, social, cultural and religious systems. These systems and structures are controlled by men with some women drafted in to ensure that the systems are sustainable. Feminists hate these systems, not individual men. There are men who also do not agree that women should be oppressed and they too join hands with women in solidarity.

  1. Feminists do not marry or cannot stay married

    Another lie. Feminists do marry and stay married. They however will not stay married to men who are afraid of powerful, ambitious women, men who are threatened by a woman’s success and a man who needs to establish his manhood through physical and emotional abuse. When Feminists marry, they seek relationships grounded in love, mutual respect and shared values. We want every woman to be respected for the choices she makes. A woman can choose to marry, divorce if she has to, remarry if she wants to, or be single. There should be no judgement for the choices that women make, even if sometimes the choices might be considered poor ones. The operative word here is ‘Choice’.

  1. Feminism is alien to Africa

    This is a myth based on ignorance of our history and the lives of our female ancestors. In almost every African community, there is a history of resistance to patriarchal power and control. It might have been one woman or a group of women, but we always had women who said No. No to the abuse of women, No to being married off to a brother of her late husband. No to the circumcision of her daughter or her granddaughter. No to the Kings and Nobles who were always preying on the poor and vulnerable. We had women like Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti, Margaret Ekpo and Gambo Sawaba. These women were not called Feminists, but we know that what they stood for was the desire to see an end to the marginalization of women. And that is what Feminism is about.

  1. Feminists are  anti-religion

    Another popular myth. Feminists are not anti-religion. Feminists are against the distortion of the word of God in all the world’s major religions, which create a universe in which women are perpetual second-class citizens. There are Feminists who are women of faith, and who have insisted on more progressive interpretations of religious doctrines in ways which are spiritually empowering for women.

  1. Feminists are elite, educated women fighting for themselves

    This is a very convenient argument that is used to divide and rule women. The big picture agenda of the feminist movement is to create a world in which all women (and men) can be productive, resourceful citizens. Majority of women live in rural areas, with minimal access to basic resources. The feminist movement is responsible for placing gender, development and women’s human rights on global and local agendas. Feminists are keenly aware of the diversities we have as women – age, class, location, physical ability, education, marital status and so on. What we all have in common is the need for personhood. If Feminists advocate for a Bill to protect women from violence, all women benefit. If Feminists hold governments accountable for women’s reproductive health and rights, all women who might have been victims of maternal mortality will be saved.

  1. Feminists want to control the world like men do

    A famous myth that is gaining currency, with the incremental gains that women are making in all areas. Feminists know what it is like to be marginalized by Patriarchy, so we have no interest in a Matriarchy which would simply mean women replacing men as oppressors. Feminists are mothers of sons, daughters of men, and they have brothers. They do not want to see the men in their lives reduced to second-class citizens. Feminists want a world that is equitable, where there is equality of opportunity, and where roles and responsibilities are negotiated and shared based on context and circumstance. Feminists know that healthy relationships are the bedrock of any community. Most of the dysfunction we are experiencing now is as a result of the need for power and dominance by one gender over the other, with little consideration for our changing social dynamics.

  1. Feminists are rude and arrogant

    When a woman has an alternative viewpoint, she is considered rude and arrogant. When men have divergent views, they are ‘good thinkers’ or ‘reflective’. We however do have some women who can be mean. This does not make them Feminists.

  1. Feminism has nothing to do with women’s empowerment

    This is utter nonsense. You will hardly find anyone opposed to educating women and girls, in favour of violence against women or against women being in leadership positions. Many people argue that of course, women should be empowered. Yet they do not want to engage with Feminism, which is about dealing with the root causes of women’s disempowerment. Conference after conference, we outline all the reasons why women are marginalized and we come up with the same old answers, dealing only with symptoms of the disease. People argue that what they want to do is empower women, it has nothing to do with Feminism. I have news for you. You cannot empower women without a feminist analysis of why the two genders have discordant powers, control and access. It is like wanting to take a shower without getting wet.

  1. Feminists are against culture and tradition

    No, Feminism is against all cultures and traditions which are dehumanizing and no longer serve any purpose other than to hurt women and girls. Practices such as Female Genital Mutilation, degrading widowhood rites, child marriage, denying women inheritance, these are the relics from the past that have to go. Can someone remind me why we no longer kill twins? Oh, perhaps it is because both male and female babies where being thrown away. If it had been just female babies, we probably would still be killing twins.

  1. Feminists are a bunch of crazy, confused women

    I don’t know the Feminists you know. The Feminists I know are smart, brilliant, innovators, trail blazers, role models, entrepreneurs, political leaders mothers, wives, grandmothers, the list goes on. A shout out to Amina Mama, Ayesha Imam, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Iheoma Obibi, Amina Salihhu, Ada Ugina, Funmi Balogun, Bibi Bakare Yusuf, Yemisi Obilade, Toyin Mejuini, Bisi Aina and my many other Nigerian feminist sisters. Please feel free to google any one of them, as well as the following: Awa Thiam, Fatou Sow, Hilda Tadria, Theo Sowa, Sarah Mukasa, Sylvia Tamale, Leymah Gbowe, Abena Busia and all the other great Feminists across Africa who have been part of shaping feminist theory and practice on the continent.

For those who are wondering how they can learn more about Feminism, you can try and read as much feminist material as possible, a lot is available online, and many of the women mentioned above have produced a considerable amount of work in books, essays, poetry and blogs. You can also look up the Nigerian Feminist Forum and the African Feminist Forum. There are also a number of men who have been great supporters of the feminist movement, and in their capacity as professionals, scholars, husbands and fathers, they have done a great job of proving that men too can stand in solidarity with feminists. A well deserved thank you to men such as Otive Igbuzor, Ogaga Ifowodo,  Chidi Odinkalu, Kunle Ajibade and Kayode Fayemi.

Thinking again of the poor woman who was so confused to find out that I am a Feminist. Shame she does not know that it is written indelibly on my forehead. I am a Feminist, no ‘Ifs’ no ‘Buts’.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

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23 Responses to LOUD WHISPERS: Feminism 101: Ten Myths About Feminists

  1. precious September 19, 2016 at 8:46 pm

    Feminists I know are loving, caring, and understand. but one thing I really understand about them is that they want you to always please them at all time but they don’t mind if its at your own lost.

  2. Femi Diipo September 19, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    This is quite enlightening and I most times can relate with feminist ideologies. Yet I’m not convinced with most of its manifestations in some of the feminist I’ve met and discussed with. It’s mostly like a group of men trying desperately to overpower men and would strive to achieve this at any cost

  3. Femi Diipo September 19, 2016 at 9:38 pm

    “A group of women”

  4. D'apoet September 19, 2016 at 9:42 pm

    In a family of feminists; I mean when the man also share the ideology, who will be the head of the family or it’ll simply be a house run by equals with no captain of the ship. #justasking

  5. Princess September 20, 2016 at 7:47 am

    In my own opinion I will say feminism is a movement supporting equal rights for women. There are errorneous belief that women are weak people, and that I won’t accede to, a woman is as important as a man.

  6. Ebonychyqui2 September 20, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Feminist are clairvoyance, altruistic and intuitive women who ally themselves with other women and intercedes for those that are weak and less privileged.

  7. DSEED September 20, 2016 at 8:23 am

    Feminism means female supremacy. At its core, feminism is about the fight for
    gender equality. This does not mean that women are or should be better than men; it
    means that everyone should have equal opportunities and access to all areas of society.
    Whatever their various strengths and weaknesses, all people should have the chance to pursue whichever career or passion they desire. They may not succeed, but they should not be denied the opportunity to try based solely on their gender.

  8. Olakunle Olajide September 20, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Well, from my own point of view, either being a feminist or not, i like to fight for the right of women but the problem i have with feminism is the overly approach of being equal with men. This seems to be more of the struggle, than the fight for women rights.

  9. Olowolafe Olanrewaju September 20, 2016 at 9:18 am

    Many recent attacks on feminism have claimed that feminism supports women’s choices, as long as they’re the “right ones,” meaning
    women who go after careers and money, and thatfeminists look down upon women who
    choose to stay at home and take care of their families. This could not be further from the truth. Feminism seeks to give women and men the freedom to choose what they want to do, meaning that they have the option to pursue
    whatever life path they desire.

  10. olaluv September 20, 2016 at 9:31 am

    Feminism is not scary. If you support gender equality, you are a feminist. End of story.

  11. kitan September 20, 2016 at 9:46 am

    Feminists not only believe in equality between men and women, but also in equality between every gender, class, race, and sexual orientation.

  12. lanfem. September 20, 2016 at 9:53 am

    Feminism doesn’t just liberate women; it also liberates men by breaking down the standards which society has put in place for both women and men. Men are taught in this society to be macho, emotionless leaders, and to never show weakness, such as being sad and therefore crying as a result of that sadness. These socially
    constructed rules cause men to be socially confined.
    Feminism says that it’s okay for men to show weakness, be followers, and to show their emotions.

  13. maveedah September 20, 2016 at 10:44 am

    This is an information long due….
    Sooo many misconceptjons about feminists…this article just clarifies alll….Nice

  14. onozare September 20, 2016 at 10:49 am

    I think its the way they carry themselves and what they fight and stand for that allows for the misconceptions….

  15. opeyemi September 20, 2016 at 10:51 am

    And since feminists are suppose threats to the opposite gender they try to allow for the society misconceptions about this carrer and passion driven women

  16. Detutu September 20, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    Proper Education is KEY.

    This article exposes it all. Even though some people especially Nigerians will never read but will just keep ranting and pushing what they don’t know

  17. Tbams September 20, 2016 at 3:16 pm

    Information is key… Good clarification about feminism.
    Knowledge is power. Have been enlightened more about feminism

  18. Bamisebi toluwalope September 20, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    @Onozare and Maveedah, I agree with you both, so many misconception about feminism and am glad that have gotten some clarification on this platform. I will go read more about feminism. God bless abovewhispers.com.

  19. maveedah September 20, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    Exactly ma’am….@bamisebi tolulope

  20. Legzycool September 20, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    Is it right to say that any woman standing and fighting for the “woman right” is a FEMINIST??

  21. Timmie_K September 21, 2016 at 11:31 am

    Wow!!! What can i say ! – There are so many things i never knew about being a feminist before now. This post just shed more light on them. Very Nice. Thank You Ma , and God Bless You,Ma.

  22. Fiarad September 21, 2016 at 11:43 am

    Well Said , Ma.
    ……… Some even say; Feminists are women who are so engulfed by their career, women who are crazy about being equal with menn. All they are about is against The African culture and Tradition, and lots more….. They REALLY NEED TO SEE THIS – TO GET BETTER ENLIGHTENMENT…… THANK YOU.

  23. Pingback: LOUD WHISPERS: Feminism 101: Ten Myths About Feminists | D30 Gambia Freedom Foundation

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