I asked the question years ago
‘Where is your wrapper?’
It is more than a question
It is a belief system
A way of life
A commitment
A challenge
A promise
It means
I will not stand by while someone around me suffers loudly or silently
I will not judge another
I will share whatever I have
I will never strip another human being naked in public
A kind word
A prayer
A recommendation
A gift
School fees
Rent
A wrapper means ‘I see you’
‘I hear you’
‘Count on me’
Solidarity
Comfort
Safety
So, when Mama Ukehe sat
Watching the goings on around her
The passive aggression
The mocking giggles
The veiled hostility
The cold betrayal
She was probably thinking.
‘Why am I here’?
‘Why did I agree to come’?
Her husband, the celebrant, did not invite her
He did not want her there
Yet, those who felt she was important enough to be there prevailed on her
Patriarchy usually always has the last word
‘He is your husband. You are the first wife. You have to be there’
Emotional blackmail at its finest
They meant well
The problem is they had no wrapper for her
The second wife struggled under the load of wrappers dropped on her shoulders
Respect, love, admiration, support
She had it all and smiled and reveled in the attention
Hugging all her doting children
as they showered her with wrappers and money
Mama Ukehe sat in stoic silence
Mostly ignored
Unwanted
There were no wrappers on her shoulders
The exaggerated goings on around her were meant to be a reminder
That she had no offspring of her own to place wrappers on her
Mama Ukehe was fully clothed
Yet, the negative energy around her was stripping her naked
Then, a female guest placed a wrapper on Mama Ukehe’s shoulder
She was stunned
She was not expecting this act of kindness
Another guest placed the second wrapper on her
Mama Ukehe was overwhelmed
All the pain she had bottled up came out in a flood of tears
An eagle-eyed videographer was capturing all these strange activities
The video went into the universe
That is how this lonely, humiliated woman
Suddenly became the mother of thousands
Online children and in-laws are always looking for trouble, entertainment
distraction and drama
Mama Ukehe’s story provided all of this and more
It was way better than a Nollywood script
Where is your wrapper?
It has always been a call to action
For us to do better and be better
Where is your wrapper?
It is a reminder that our humanity is tied to that of others
The wrappers came out for Mama Ukehe
When she was asked to choose a name to go by as part of her husband’s Ozo ceremony
She chose ‘Wetuoru Chukwu Obi’
‘Be patient with God’
Now, God has responded
The woman they demonised because she has no children
Now has more children than she knows what to do with
Beyond the wrappers, money and other material things that have been showered on her
People are willing to open their homes and hearts to her
One young woman wants her to perform Omugwo for her baby
Another wants her to sit in her late mother’s place on her wedding day
Children in the Diaspora want her to visit
The world has risen for Mama Ukehe
Those who watched the video in horror decided
‘This is not who we are’
Even if we are not perfect, we know what is right
Every human being deserves dignity, respect and love
No one should be minimised because they do not have children
A woman’s value should not be tied to her womb alone
No one should suffer in the home they helped build
There are laws of nature that will take effect at the right time should this happen
‘Where is your wrapper’?
Mama Ukehe’s story is a reminder to us all
The more wrappers you place on the shoulders of others
The more will be placed on you when you need them
There is a Mama Ukehe everywhere
Seek her out
Surprise her
Place a wrapper on her
Congratulations, Wetuoru Chukwu Obi
May the grace you have found always be with you
As for me
My wrapper will always be out.
Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Leadership Coach, Policy Advocate and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com