I recently held mentoring sessions with three separate groups of young feminists and women’s rights activists. There were some questions that came up in every session. I am sharing a brief summary here.

What personal values have remained constant for you, and how have they shaped the way you lead, influence, and build movements?

I have always passionately believed in the right to equality of opportunity and non-discrimination in all spheres of life. Next is the right to a voice. You need a voice to raise concerns, advocate, and demand accountability. One of the first things you do to take away someone’s power is to deprive them of a voice. When someone lacks a voice, they have no personhood, dignity, or respect. They live in fear. To address marginalisation and exclusion, people need the right to space – to think, read, write, organise, share ideas, and build solidarity. We can complain all we like as individuals, but things do not change without joint action.

What does it truly mean to live Feminist values?

First, you need to be clear about what Feminism means. Feminism is a global struggle against all forms of patriarchal oppression. It is about affirming that women are complete human beings. Feminism is a movement against systems of oppression and injustice, not against individual men. You can have a wonderful father, husband, brother, but still suffer within an unjust system that deprives you of rights.

Second, be the change you want to see.I recently saw a video of a man who locked up his wife in his windowless shop. Fortunately, an onlooker had seen him do this, so when the woman started to bang on the door, the witness summoned help and broke the locks. An adult male locked up his wife in a public place. What he does to her in the privacy of their home can only be imagined. A feminist knows what women go through and what we need to change. We are abused, exploited, and minimised. We should therefore not be seen abusing, exploiting, and minimising others. We need to embody this on a daily basis. Examples are the way we bring up our children. We should not be the ones encouraging our sons to become entitled consumers of women’s labour and sacrifices. We should avoid teaching our daughters that abuse is normal. Since many of us balance personal and professional obligations, we rely on others such as nannies, maids, drivers, to ease our burdens. We need to treat them well, otherwise we are perpetuating the cycle of patriarchal oppression, the abused abusing others.

I also believe that women should build their own tables. Nigerian women are resilient, self-reliant, and value-adding. Do not be the woman who is asked, what do you bring to the table? You must build your own table, then nobody will have the audacity to ask you such a stupid question. You cannot challenge patriarchy if you are dependent on crumbs from a table. This is not about pride or being overbearing. It is about knowing your own value and worth. No man wants to be with a liability. Any man that stops you from working or improving yourself is a weapon fashioned against you. Learn financial literacy, invest in the things that matter, and let your goal be showing up not showing off.

One of the ways in which we can live feminist values is to work with others to bring about change. Advocacy for inclusion, protection, accountability, are examples. The more people you work with, the better your chances of success. Everywhere is an advocacy site for a feminist – the home, workplace, community, place of worship, sports, school. All the gains we celebrate today as women have been made possible by feminist analysis and activism, even when we do not get the credit. Also, work with men as allies when you can find them. Men are well placed to encourage other men to do things differently.

How can Feminist Leaders remain principled, accountable, and compassionate, while leading through complex and difficult spaces?

You need to know your context. What is going on in the country or community where you live? There is a simple strategic thinking and planning tool called PESTEL. This looks at the Political, Economic, Social, Technological, Environmental and Legal issues that affect your area of analysis. What is the political environment like? Is it a fledgling or mature democracy, military rule, or dictatorship? Is it a country in conflict or post-conflict? Is there an economic boom or is there a crisis that is pushing people into multi-dimensional poverty? What are social drivers? What is going on with technology, is it making life easier or more difficult? For example, digital technology and the rise in technology-facilitated violence against women or Artificial Intelligence and implications for the labour market. Concerning the environmental factors – is your community plagued with exploitation of your natural resources, is it responsible for conflict? What is the legal environment like, are there laws that protect the rights of women? is there access to justice for victims of abuse? Your leadership should be relevant to your context, and you need to know how to navigate accordingly. This will point you in the direction of relevant programs, partners, and allies.

You also need to learn how to use data to frame or challenge narratives. One of the numerous lies patriarchy tells feminists is that we do not know what we are talking about. It is all in our imagination. We are emotional and sentimental. Read widely, do your research, and have relevant data at your fingertips. For example, one in three Nigerian women suffers from one form of gender-based violence or the other. The national prevalence rate for Female Genital Mutilation in Nigeria is 15-20%. The national prevalence of HIV is 1.3-1.4%, that is 2 million people, one of the highest HIV burdens in the world. Nigerian women have 3% representation in the National Assembly, no Female Governors, and 14 States where there is no female in the State House of Assembly. There is nothing emotional about this data, these are the lived realities of women whose lives need to change before we can record any meaningful progress or development.

As a feminist leader, you have to play your role to make sure women and girls are safe. Women’s safety and bodily integrity is non-negotiable. Do not be used to compromise justice or the well-being of another woman. Never be one of those to ask, what was she wearing? Never find yourself colluding with predators and those who abuse their positions.

As a feminist leader, you should use your platform as effectively as possible. Whenever you have a platform, ask yourself, ‘What do I want to leave behind? How do I use this platform to make a difference?’

What are your thoughts about Feminism on social media?

Feminism did not start on social media, and it will not die on social media. Feminists have used digital technology for movement building, rapid response, learning and skills, entrepreneurship, mentoring, coaching, philanthropy, and other endeavours. Social media platforms have created employment and wealth. We need to build on all these positive online practices. We, however, need to combat misogyny, digital violence, and cyber-bullying. The most painful part of all this is seeing women bullying other women online, as if the online violence and intimidation from men is not enough. If this persists, we are going to raise a generation of young people who have no compassion or empathy. We also need to note that Misandry (hatred of men) is not a Feminist agenda, although it is not hard to see why men are hated. I am opposed to misandry the same way I am opposed to misogyny (hatred of women) and internalised misogyny (women projecting misogynist behaviour on to other women). I want to see a world that is free, equal, and fair.

What other leadership lessons would you like to share with us as young people?

 Leadership is a journey that lasts a lifetime. There are many skills, capacities, and aptitudes you will pick up along the way. You will succeed and you might fail. You might fall, but you will get up. You will encounter many friends, enemies, and frenemies. You have to be prepared to give your best and have the resilience to handle the worst. Remember that even though some exhibit leadership capacities from an early age, leaders are mostly nurtured, building on strengths and minimising weaknesses. To be a successful leader today, your skills, qualifications and experience might get you through the door, but it is Emotional Intelligence that will keep you in the room. How you treat others, show compassion, respect and build bridges will stand you in good stead. If you are a person of faith, hold on to it. It will give you hope, a compass, and bring you peace. However, do not fall into the hands of those I call ‘spiritual merchants’. They can ruin your life.

Inter-generational conversations are a critical part of movement-building, and it is important for us to learn, teach and share across generations. No one knows everything, we all need each other.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Leadership Coach, Policy Advocate and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com