Just before you begin: This is a discussion between three social agents, three women involved in different social innovations who’ve been brought together to discuss the different issues they’ve solved, the different stories they’ve heard and how we all can become good influencers, good change agents. I hope this stirs a thing up as you read.
Meet the Change Agents:
My name is Jadesola Olumide, I Work with women in rural and urban Nigeria. My organization teaches them to work with their hands to make money, well that’s what some people call skills acquisition. I have worked with over 5,000 women and I am still working daily with women and girls.
I am Tomi Nelson, I am an advocate against rape and sexual assault in society. I was working in the UK before coming to stay in Nigeria, and I must say I have seen much more than I expected to see. It’s no news that we have a lot to do but it is news that we need hands to make this happen.
My name is Lilian Ukachi. I am a media personality, social media influencer and trainer. I work with women and girls on a daily basis, I listen to them, motivate them to thirst for more and go beyond their boundaries. We have a lot of women and girls out there whose zest for life has been destroyed. It is imperative that we join hands to make their dreams come true.
Moderator : Hello Ladies, good to be back!
Ladies : Good to be back indeed. A lot has been happening.
Moderator : The world has been busy but we owe it to our fans to be here.
Ladies : Absolutely.
Moderator : Today, I bring before you the marriage topic but from another angle. When people talk about a cheating husband, they are quick to point at the side chic, point at the wife of the said man who is a cheat for doing something to push her husband out on the streets but they never in most cases, point at the man. Why is he exempt from this? It is easier for women to be seen as the cause of their marital downfall but we fail to address the men to face their marriage. Ladies, what do you think?
Tomi Nelson : Oh Gosh! You have no idea how excited I am about this particular topic. Let the man face his home. I have seen tons of married men who lie about being married. They come with the line ‘my wife is troublesome, my wife has slacked’ so it is easier for them to go into the arms of another woman and then we blame the other woman by calling her a husband snatcher. Please, did she woo herself? Didn’t the man know that he’s married before going after another woman? These are the issues. We keep guilt tripping the women and we leave the main culprit out of the drama. If you know that there are things your woman isn’t doing right, sir, call her and speak with her. Have a conversation about it and work it out. She is not the only one in the marriage. Stop it. The both of you are supposed to work things out. There is no reason for you to cheat on your wife. None at all.
Lilian Ukachi : My sisters, you know the statement ‘cheating is an African thing’ is often said by women. Women have given the men too much excuses to be irresponsible. When a man cheats, women are the same people who would go and meet the wife to ask what she’s been doing wrong that warranted her to be cheated on. Women are the same people who will organize seminars saying ‘how to keep your husband away from looking outside’ The question is, what’s he looking for outside? What is his business out there? He is married. Men should be taught to live by the rules. You have no business out there after getting a ring on your finger. Keep your vows. Focus on your home and any man that cheats should be guilt tripped not treated as an egg. He broke his vows. He is irresponsible. Marriage is not by force and no adult man can be cajoled into marriage if he’s not interested in it. So, if you don’t want to be married, do not be married but if marriage is what you have chosen, please stay married and face your wife.
Jadesola Olumide : Hmmm… This is a very serious topic and I like the angle we are picking things from even though I will be picking my points from different angles. When we say women are often the ones allowing other women to be ashamed of themselves for having cheats as husbands, most times, it comes from the place of sincerity. (Please let me finish) They sometimes feel that the woman must be doing something that makes the other woman better and they want this main woman to be better than the other woman. No 2. These men are carried away by what they see. We all know that the maturity level of a man is lower than that of a woman. These men are often taken away by what they see, some of them lack self control but this is where the part of being a responsible man comes in.
Let’s say for instance, the women at your workplace are short dresses kinda women, they open a little bit of skin every time and it causes some reactions,thoughts in your head. It is only wise for you to discuss with your wife if she doesn’t wear such. Babe, get short dresses, open your skin. Let her know that you want her to be hotter. This is to shock off imaginations. You know your woman has it and there is no place for what ifs. The men in our culture see cheating as normal and only a woman who wants to kill herself will be getting too bothered about the activities of her man.
Woman, focus on yourself. Look good. Smell nice and have your business. Be mature before getting married and if the man is doing anyhow, don’t make excuses for him. You either ignore him or leave him. Your peace of mind is very important.
Moderator : Hmm… Jade, that’s different.
Lilian Ukachi : I do not totally agree with Jade o. Men are physical beings so women are the ones who aren’t physical beings? You think that women do not see hot men everyday? You think women do not see men that look extremely better than their husbands? Self-control is a gift every adult should have. Those flimsy excuses are misogynist. If a man is married, he should be married if he doesn’t want to be married, he should stay single. Stop confusing people.
Tomi Nelson : Personally, I feel there are too many takes on what women should do in marriage than what men should do. There are little or no retreats for men. How about teaching these men on how to be better husbands? How to be better fathers? How to be appealing to your wife? You think women do not want appealing men? You see a woman trying to lose weight to look good for her husband who is almost 195kg. Like seriously? These men have been given such an atmosphere to be irresponsible and they are taking advantage of it.
Jadesola Olumide : I totally understand what you ladies are saying but let us be realistic here. Some women are somehow at home.
Lilian Ukachi : Jade, that is not the point here. The point is, we are talking to the men. We are tired of the women being spoken to. Let us concentrate on the men. That is the angle.
Jadesola Olumide : Okay, I understand.
Moderator : We leave this topic open to our fans to share their thoughts with us. We will be back again, next week.
Images: Goggle Images