‘In her 30s’  This is the place where I share my daily ordeal with y’all on a weekly basis. I try to talk to you cos I feel y’all can relate with me or will be able to relate with me.

You are welcome! Let me formally introduce myself; My name is Miriam. I am an event planner, content editor and a jolly good fellow. I am not married but I am in my 30’s and being the only female in the family, my parents want me to get settled. ‘Money doesn’t solve companionship’ in their words.  Before y’all come for me and think that my own is too much ehn, see, I am a very reserved babe o but this our African setting makes it easy for some people to want to pry into your business and they have no guts to do so.

What is the gist this time? don’t worry, I will share.  In our society, marriage is a lot for women. Getting married and staying married is an important factor used in judging women. If you get married in time, oh, you are lucky. If you are married and have managed to stay married, you are a star but if you are older and not married and don’t give a hoot about marriage, you go about gaming your life and topping your dreams… You have a problem o. That’s the sad truth. You have issues.  ‘When do you intend to get married, what are you still waiting for? a man cannot be replaced o‘  Do those statements sound familiar? Of course, they do and we have heard people say this over and over again to older working, successful women. In the news, you will hear some mad politicians use that as the basis of defence when a woman comes up to speak against prejudice and inhumane acts, when she calls for accountability, that’s when they will remember that she is not married, she couldn’t even keep her home.

I was in a meeting with a group of people, we were to meet with the boss who happened to be a woman and then someone made a very distasteful statement, ‘that woman is thick. she is a very mean woman and people do not blame her though, she isn’t married and we are not shocked that she is not married’ I couldn’t resist giving him a response ‘So, she is thick meaning she is a no-nonsense woman, yeah? who came to this world to spend their entire life receiving nonsense? she didn’t get the position by accepting crap. she got there cos she’s  good at it and that should be the focus here. whether she is married or not, it is none of our business’ then the stupid man went, ‘madam, are you married’  I laughed… I told him no and he said… no wonder. I didn’t let it pass… This was my response to him ‘No wonder, your feet are slippery. No wonder the woman whose image you are tarnishing here is the one in whom your fate lies. No wonder, we have men like you though educated are not better than a stark illiterate. No wonder it is hard  for the country to move past this cos there are too many fools in suits’ Miriammmmm… that’s enough now? No!  It is not enough. You see a lot of young men who went through the four walls of a university behave like idiots, like numbskulls. I am irritated at them. I pity women who would eventually get married to men like this. It is saddening.   Well, after all I said, he kept quiet till we left the building and everyone around me gave themselves brain.  Let him go home and think about it, and whatever impression he has of me is none of my business. I have set the records straight.

Marriage is not a game. This a life decision and if a woman hasn’t found the one for her, she should be allowed to take her time. And taking one’s time doesn’t mean you will be running from pillar to post.  Instead of carrying your head below the belt, you have to move on because marriage is not the sole purpose of your existence.  So, when women go about doing other things before getting married, society plans their lives for them. ‘At this age you are not married, when will you start raising your kids, when will you start doing this. Oh, you want to be doing school runs at 50?’ Is it your business? Is it your life? Listen, our people are nosy and you know nosy people are jobless people. It is nobody’s business. when they come towards you, shut them up.

The man who wants to be kept will be kept, it is not in the place of any woman to babysit a grown-ass man all in the name of trying to keep him so you can be married and then I have come to realise that some successful women are so desperate that they rip themselves off their assets so as not to come off as intimidating.  Hell No! babe. No Babe! if you want a man, let him accept you for who you are. If he cannot take you for who you are, let him pass.