‘In her 30s’  This is the place where I share my daily ordeal with y’all on a weekly basis. I try to talk to you cos I feel y’all can relate with me or will be able to relate with me.

You are welcome! Let me formally introduce myself; My name is Miriam. I am an event planner, content editor and a jolly good fellow. I am not married but I am in my 30’s and being the only female in the family, my parents want me to get settled. ‘Money doesn’t solve companionship’ in their words.  Before y’all come for me and think that my own is too much ehn, see, I am a very reserved babe o but this our African setting makes it easy for some people to want to pry into your business and they have no guts to do so. This leads me to my topic…

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                                                                          Mummy Pastor Is Looking For Trouble. 

I respect my elders, I like to be around elderly people cos I learn a lot from them and with the kind job I do, I am always mingling with everyone. Both young and old. I haven’t been to my home church in a long time and trust me, if you grew up in a typical home church you will realise that it’s not worth the stress. I had flu for some weeks, and my mum came to pick me up to cater to me and by staying with my parents, I had to go to their place of worship.  The first Sunday, I went to their church, everyone was glad to see me. Of course, most of the people in church ‘knew me as a child, as a baby’ they were glad to see me. I  think I was glad to see them cos I cannot place my feelings and then they were looking at me somehow… You know the look yeah, some held my hands and were starring at the ring on my finger (na kuku fashion ring) but I knew what they were looking for. As I faked my smile and listened to their gist after service because my mum had a meeting with the pastor’s wife and she requested that I waited for her. Of course, I had no choice na. All of a sudden, she came to meet me that the pastor’s wife was looking for me.  Our mummy pastor came out, she smiled.

Looking all gracious and then she goes ‘My dear Miriam, it is so good to see you. I smiled back and responded same here ma’  My mum goes… ‘kun le now? that is, go on your knees and greet but mummy pastor declined… ahhahah! mummy, ko need o. She doesn’t have to do that. In my mind, I knew something was happening or was about to happen.  Mummy pastor goes again, ehn.. how is everything now? I responded fine. Then she came closer… ehn, when should we be expecting the man? Which man? I responded. She said, the man now? time is going o. I looked at my mum and she caught my gaze. She understood the sign. She faked a cough and told mummy pastor to allow us leave that I am not feeling well. She said she would be coming to visit us at home, in her words, to ‘visit me’.

I really prayed that she wouldn’t come visiting me cos it wouldn’t be funny. On our way home, my mum apologised. She said she didn’t know she would say that. Well, will you blame her? That is what they do most times. They see you and ask where the man is as if you tied him down and refused to let him out. Some days later, it happened. Mummy pastor came to the house. By then, I was already getting way better and was contemplating leaving for my place but my parents insisted that I stayed two more days. I agreed. I am sure someone is wondering why I agreed… The pampering was out of this world. They took care of me and you know the way it is with our parents, once you are scarce around them, they honour you more. I ate, I even became bloated cos of overfeeding.  I was in the living room watching TV when the gateman opened the gate and lo and behold, mummy pastor drove in. As she drove in, I ran into the room and told my mum not to call me out. My mum laughed and mentioned that ‘she has seen me’. Her pastor’s wife can be very nosy. I went inside still and just believed that she didn’t see me but she did. As she entered, she called my name. Sister Miriam, how are you o. I overheard my mum reply she is fine but she said she already asked the gateman if I was home and he said yes. So, she called me again and I had to respond but in my heart of heart, I wished this woman wouldn’t face the waterloo cos I was prepared for her. I had her time. ready and alert.

My darling Miriam, how are you? In my mind (Who is your darling?) na so them dey start. I am fine ma, I responded with a forced smile.  

How’s your event planning business and chain of businesses. We see all that you do o and we give the glory to God. Thank you ma. I responded.

But you know, a woman needs to make sure that she doesn’t get carried away because of money and fame o. Starting a family is one of the greatest plans of God for a woman and it needs to be done fast. I know you women of nowadays do your thing in your own way but at the end of the day, Loneliness is real o and we are praying for you.  Hmmm! I shook my head and held it in.  Then she goes or is it that they are not even coming at all so we can know how to pray and what to pray for.

Now! This is the end!  With all due respect ma, you should learn to mind your business. I am here to get better not to be triggered. I am not married. I am happy and I am doing well. Thank you ma. I walked inside and locked the door. Let mummy and her mummy pastor sort themselves out. Later at night, my mum told my dad all that happened and they laughed over it but that wasn’t the end. As I went online to check my WhatsApp messages… Guess who sent a message? Mummy Pastor. She sent me prayers and admonitions.

You see now? Anyway… I haven’t responded to what she sent to me. But I will respond and when I do, I will block her. Don’t even try to persuade me because she is jobless. I wonder when the work of God became so simple that his custodians now the liberty of time to be ‘busybodies’!

In Her 30’s – Surely They Shall Gather