‘In her 30s’  This is the place where I share my daily ordeal with y’all on a weekly basis. I try to talk to you cos I feel y’all can relate with me or will be able to relate with me.

You are welcome! Let me formally introduce myself; My name is Miriam. I am an event planner, content editor and a jolly good fellow. I am not married but I am in my 30’s and being the only female in the family, my parents want me to get settled. ‘Money doesn’t solve companionship’ in their words.  And today, I will be gisting about…

                                                                         My Nigerian Parents

To be single, physically ready for marriage, I mean, when they know you are done with school, have a job and you are steadily making your money, ladies and gentlemen, you are ripe for marriage. They don’t want to know if you are mentally ready, they don’t want to know if things are happening for good relationship-wise, they don’t want to know if there are so many fuck boys jamming you, all they want to you do is get married for them. I said for them because they think they are old enough to brag about your marriage, old enough to have grandchildren and if you are lagging behind in that, then you have become their case study. Especially, when you have a typical Nigerian mother… oh! the prayers, oh the reminders and the subtle shade when they have the opportunity to throw one.  Well, I decided to move out of my parents home about a year ago and let me tell you the truth, even though I am an adult, a grown one at that, it took me a lot of practising to tell them that I would be leaving the house. I will be moving out to my own place, not to my husband’s house but to my own apartment, well furnished to my taste. It is hard to comprehend. My mother didn’t find it funny and still doesn’t find it funny. My dad understood and sometimes, feels I need to tone down my ‘ego’. My mum says ‘I want to go and delemosu‘ (a single woman living her life, with no man). Excuse me please, where is it written that I must leave my parents’ house to my husband’s house? I have my money and I want my privacy, and I can afford it so let me but these parents of ours, they never seem to get it down. So, let me narrate how it went down when I eventually summoned the courage to tell my parents about me leaving their house. By the time I broke this news, I already got an apartment, furnished it, packed some of my things there but in order to pack the rest of my things, I had to tell them.

I broke the news to them on a Saturday afternoon…

Me: Mummy and Daddy, I have something quite important to say. 

My Dad: My darling, hope all is well?

Me: Absolutely, daddy. I am fine. I am moving out of the house to my own apartment. I got one. 

Daddy: wow. I didn’t see that coming. 

All the while, my mummy was moving her legs at intervals, she turned side to side but didn’t say a word. 

Daddy : Are you sure about this?

I don’t know if it was the question that my dad asked that made my mummy spring up or something but she reacted. 

Mummy: What kind of question are you asking? what sort of question is that ehn? is she sure about what? Miriam, I thought you even wanted to tell us about marriage, about something more important, not this. This is a premeditated plan of yours. Your elder sister (like a cousin sort of) got married and left this house to her husband’s house. Iwo fe lo dalemosu (You want to go and be living a single woman’s life) I don’t understand the children of nowadays. They make us look as if we don’t have brains. You better change before it becomes too late. 

Daddy: Honey, it is not a big deal now… Miriam is an adult. Stop saying these things to her. She will get married, eventually. 

I was losing my patience. I was trying to to be reasonable. I didn’t want to yell at my mum. I kept looking at my dad who could read my reaction.  Eventually, I said something. Mum, you should respect my opinion and you should even be glad that I decided to let you know about this. I could leave this house without saying a word but I wasn’t raised that way. 

Mummy: Leave, if you want to leave and that is fine. I wish you well. 

She left and went inside her room.  What is the big deal about this? I am not getting it. A woman in her 30s has every right to want to live on her own now? Please, save me here. My dad saved the day though. He came to me and said…

Daddy: Miriam, if you need anything, let me know. I know you are a woman and you have your choices to make. I know you are self-willed but don’t hesitate to feed in yeah? 

Me: I won’t dad. Thank you for understanding me. 

Daddy: Your mother keeps forgetting that you are not a teenager.

Me: Will she ever remember? Gosh, I need peace. Unknown to me, she was eavesdropping on our conversation. Then she goes…

Mummy: So, who has been hoarding your peace? Your father will refuse to say the truth but I will. Miriam, you are no longer a child and staying alone might want to delay you. You know our society. This is Nigeria, not America. 

Me: Our society, you mean people like you mum? (She hissed). Well, mummy, a woman should be able to make her choice and marriage will come when it comes. It is not so hard na? And the man who will marry me will marry me with my net worth and if he finds it difficult to do, he is not my man. 

Mummy: Okay, I believe you. I wish you well before you will go and write now that your mummy is a witch. 

Me: Mummmmyyyyyyy

Mummy: You think I don’t read your stories online? especially the one you do on twitter. Issoke sha. 

Me: Okay ma. I have heard o. I know you love me and I love you too 

Daddy: And me?

My daddy can be unnecessarily jealous but it doesn’t matter though. Okay… Daddy, you know you are personal person, I love you my Gee.

….So, permit me to start packing my things…

Parents: so fast? 

Wait… What on earth were they thinking? I thought I told them that I had furnished my apartment?… Oh, Jesesssss!!! (Yeah, pronounce it with your Igbo tongue if you have one) Yeah! Right.

In Her 30’s – Surely They Shall Gather