What does your ideal relationship look like? What are your needs? What values would your ideal relationship embrace?
When you start thinking about how to have a healthy relationship, don’t immediately zero in on what the other person should be like or what they should do for you. Instead, focus on the relationship itself and what the interplay between the two of you looks like. Which special characteristics does this relationship have? What brings you and your partner together? Close your eyes and imagine how happy you and your partner make each other. Envision feeling completely fulfilled and loved by another person. How does that feel? More importantly, why does it feel that way?
Ask yourself what it is that makes this potential relationship so extraordinary. Can you put it into words? You might not immediately be able to say what makes it feel so special, but on a fundamental level, it is a healthy relationship.
But what is a healthy relationship? There are so many qualities and factors behind the emotions and actions that make up healthy relationships. But all truly extraordinary love affairs share one thing: they are the result of commitment to the ongoing mastery of fundamental relationship skills.
Daily practise of these skills is a must. Developing the habits and patterns to create and maintain an extraordinary relationship requires conscious application and repetition of good behaviour and communication. Once these habits have been established between you and your partner, the beautiful, passionate and healthy relationship you deserve will follow and endure.
MEET YOUR PARTNER’S CORE NEEDS
The strength and health of your relationship depend on the communication abilities of you and your partner. If your expectations are low and you’re not putting in the effort to grow with your partner, the result will be a stale and deteriorating relationship. What is it that you truly want from your relationship? What are the standards you’d hold for your dream partner? What do you expect from your partner, physically and emotionally? Whatever it is, that’s the bar that you should hold for yourself, and your relationship, too. You are an active participant in this relationship; the way you want them to show up for you is the way you must show up for them.
What does a healthy relationship look like? It looks like two people making each other’s needs their own. The more you do this, the more fulfilling the relationship becomes. What are your partner’s core needs? Comfort? Security? Significance? How do they want these needs met? Through touch, words or something else?
Cultivate the skill of heartfelt understanding. Going beyond just knowing what your partner needs at an intellectual level, heartfelt understanding means connecting at a deeper emotional level and empathetically standing in their shoes. Is your partner your number one priority? What would you give for the love of your life? At the same time, are you feeling personally fulfilled by the relationship?
DEVELOP THE RELATIONSHIP YOU DESERVE
As you think about what makes a healthy relationship, remember that understanding your partner’s needs involves communicating effectively with them. You don’t need to be a mind reader to know what your partner wants – odds are they’ve told you. But communicating in a healthy relationship means listening. Remember, it’s not about you – it’s about what you can do for the person you love.
Once you know what your needs are, and your partner’s, you can actively work to make sure they’re being met. What would you do for the love of your life? Anything, right? Meeting your significant other’s core needs will take you to profound levels of happiness, love, passion and trust.
What if the road ahead is tough and full of challenges? Problems, obstacles and misalignments are opportunities to push forward and grow. You’ve heard of the phrase, “He/she got too comfortable.” If you’re completely comfortable in your relationship, you probably aren’t growing or changing. Lack of growth is better known as stagnation, which can lead to deterioration when it comes to a relationship. Growth is a product of uncertainty and an act of pushing into uncharted territory. Sometimes discomfort is a good thing, so don’t let fear hold your relationship – or you – back.
None of this means that you need to ignore or play down the differences between you and your partner. On the contrary, appreciating your differences is essential to maintaining a sense of excitement in the relationship. Those little differences are what awakened your interest in each other in the first place, and this is something that you should always keep close to your hearts and minds. Appreciate each other and you will not only appreciate the life you have created together – you’ll revel in it.