This is about picturing the realities in our society.

Just before you begin : This is a discussion between three social agents, three women involved in different social innovations who’ve been brought together to discuss the different issues they’ve solved, the different stories they’ve heard and how we all can become good influencers, good change agents. I hope this stirs a thing up as you read.

                             Meet the Change Agents:

My name is Jadesola Olumide, I Work with women in rural and urban Nigeria. My organization teaches them to work with their hands to make money, well that’s what some people call skills acquisition. I have worked with over 5,000 women and I am still working daily with women and girls.

I am Tomi Nelson, I am an advocate against rape and sexual assault in society. I was working in the UK before coming to stay in Nigeria, and I must say I have seen much more than I expected to see. It’s no news that we have a lot to do but it is news that we need hands to make this happen.

My name is Lilian Ukachi. I am a media personality, social media influencer and trainee. I work with women and girls on a daily basis, I listen to them, motivate them to thirst for more and go beyond their boundaries. We have a lot of women and girls out there whose zest for life has been destroyed. It is imperative that we join hands to make their dreams come true.

                                                                  Topic: LET CHILDREN BE CHILDREN

Tomi Nelson: I must commend our moderator for always bringing us some very sensitive and deep issues to talk about. In this age of social media ‘wokeness’ this age where every mum and dad is woke, everyone wants their kids to be star kids, they want them to have a certain composture, a certain way to taking pictures and appearing in front of the world, the kids end up growing up so fast. I for one do not see the need for making children up just because it is their birthday, they want to do photoshoot and bla bla bla. This child can still be very beautiful by wearing good clothes without heavy makeup like adults but no,  we want to look fly and this fast forward life can be very deceptive for kids because whatever you pass to them is what they would lash on and want to inculcate as soon as possible but when you allow these children to be children, when you allow them to just flow with their natural instincts, it becomes easy for them to metamorphose according to time not because they have been sold an idea to be boxed up in a way their natural instinct isn’t ready to permit. 

Jadesola Olumide: Some people would say, blame social media but the idea on social media isn’t sold by aliens, it is sold by human beings. It is people who get on social media and flaunt what they want the world to see through them. Personally, I hate the idea of having your kids online. You can bring them online when they are mature enough to handle the aesthetics of what online is, of how online marketing works but not like this. Not by wanting them to trend, not by wanting them to ‘slay’. personally, I do not like the word ‘slay’ for kids. I mean, allow the kids to be who they want to be at that stage of their lives. They want to be children. You would see women cutting crazy hair cuts for their male children when you see the hair cut of some kids you wonder who did it for them and at the same time, when you see the hairstyle of some girls, you would be amazed. Yellow, green, pink multidimensional colours on the head of our female kids and then one wonders how growing up is supposed to be like for the kids? How are they supposed to grow into their formative years when you have made them adults untimely? I am not saying our kids shouldn’t be stylish, they could be in the simplest forms just like our parents did for us in their days before the advent of social media but we didn’t lose ourselves when they did. Everyone could tell that we were children in December when we wear our Christmas clothes, we didn’t look any different but right now, it is difficult and it is because regular people want to mimic celebrities who don’t know when to cut the line in facing their business, their lives and family.

Lilian Ukachi: Even though all of this is a thing of preference, it is very important that we understand what works for the kids. Our kids should be allowed to behave like kids that they are no matter your preference and I actually think good parenting is understanding what works at every stage of your children’s lives. You don’t have to rush them, you need to come to their level and coming to their level means understanding the stages and not forcing your lifestyle down their throats.  A whole lot of parents try to put on the lives they missed on their kids. If you can give your kids quality education which is the ultimate goal, put them in very good schools, give them good exposure and this has nothing to do with fashion, this has nothing to do with clothing that isn’t befitting their age bracket. They can learn in diverse ways, they can learn money management in different ways and this can help build them to be independent in different ways but not by making them look like 30 years old when they are just 10 or 9 even as a teenager there should be a limit to what you want your teens to be exposed to. There should be boundaries but when they are full adults, yes! they have the license to do whatever they want to do and act whichever way they want. We shouldn’t misplace our priorities according to the ‘funkiness’ of the century we are in. These kids should be allowed to be kids, allow them to play, allow them to learn the right way, don’t force them to be models if they aren’t interested in modelling and when they are modelling don’t make them adults when they are just kids. They should reflect their age in all they want to do.

Tomi Nelson: I think as a parent you should allow your kids to be who they want to be and not make them float between children and adults. it is absolutely detrimental to their mental health. You hear children say words that aren’t pleasant to the ears because they have watched it, they have seen it and they weren’t cautioned when they used it by their parents because they feel, it is okay, they are smart, they are just being ‘kids’ the cool gang, the cool nature and then you see kids behave in a way that you expect an adult to behave and wonder what the kid has been watching. You hear children under 5-10 use words like ‘kiss, sex’  and you wonder where their parents are, they have have been inculcated into the mindset of adulthood at a very early stage and no one is questioning them. They think it is okay, they are helping them achieve their potentials and that’s how we begin to grow adults who eventually become untamed because they have been channelled that way from childhood. 

Lilian Ukachi: In as much as we want to be liberal, I support the restraining order when it comes to training our kids and at the same time I would say, the kind of parents we have determines what they pass on to their kids. If you have nothing in your brain or permit me to use the term ‘accidental parent’ you didn’t prepare for the kids, you weren’ ready for them to come but they came and even as a person, you have no etiquette, no iota of moral and reasonable thinking what would you expect of such a parent? How would you expect such a parent to be able to impart something positive in the lives of the kids? Now, this is where we have the malfunction. Bad Parents raise horrible kids and parents who think they want to be liberal, lose it in the long run. 

Jadesola Olumide: Give your kids the good things of life but allow them to be kids, allow them to explore their children hood, allow them to be who they have been channelled to be at that age. Train them, love them but don’t expose them to unhealthy cultures. 

Tomi Nelson: Be careful with your children’s psyche. That’s all I would say.