It is difficult in this world of ours to understand what ‘getting into the shoes of another person is’,  that moment where you have to envisage yourself in another man’s shoes has become very difficult in this world of ours. People have gotten so ‘self-glorified’ that they think everyone should think like they think when people come out to share their vulnerability. People sharing their fears is a crime, they get tongue-lashed and we wonder why suicide rate is on the high.  For instance,

Theresa: I am not in the perfect state of mind right now, I need someone to talk to. 

Shirley: what’s so mind bugging that is pushing you down? See, you wouldn’t want to listen to my own story. I don’t think yours can be as bad as mine

Theresa: Oh, really? 

Shirley: Yes now because I laugh and smile like nothing is happening doesn’t mean I am not going through stuff. 

Theresa: Wow. Okay. Thanks. 

This is what not having empathy is. Empathy is the ability to share another person’s pain, to understand and carry it along like yours. In fact, I would like to refer to it as The ability to listen. A whole of people are like Shirley. They don’t listen. They interrupt every moment, every discussion is not important. They are the ones who have had the highest bad share of life hits. They think that nothing could be worse than what they have been through. Now, what happens if Theresa’s case becomes so worse and she ends her life without remedy and then people like Shirley are going to be the first to go on social media to go and write how much they love Theresa, how she didn’t open up and all of that but when she did you didn’t give a listening ear and that’s the mindset we have around here. Someone comes out to speak their truth and people start asking questions, why are you speaking now? who asked you to speak? who wants to listen to you and you wonder if there is a little sense somewhere in the minds of these people.

It is even worse on social media, you see people come to another person’s page to shame them. You see them say things to shame the character, the psychic of another person. There’s a picture of a chubby child on someone’s page and you see people get on that page and start their parenting advice, ‘your baby shouldn’t be chubby, your baby shouldn’t be this and that’ excuse me, what is the point? You call yourself human and then you go on someone’s else’s page to shame them in the guise of advice. That is sickening.

Before You Speak: Put these into consideration

What Is The Point Of My Comment? 

I keep emphasising that talking isn’t necessary. You really don’t have to speak, you could just let it pass. When someone comes to you to share their pains, their feelings, if you don’t have a tangible thing to give, just walk past and let the person know that you cannot be of help. It is way dignifying rather than opening your mouth and spitting what is demeaning of a right-thinking human.  Now, this encompasses both physical and virtual topics or issues. Just keep it to yourself if you know nothing about it and if you think you do, over analyse your comment before you spill it. That’s the most appropriate thing to do.

What If?

Assuming someone comes and says she was beaten by her husband, they were raped by someone very close to them, you don’t rush at them without understanding what it means to be in their shoes. You don’t attack them. If you have questions to ask, make sure they are questions that can build the character of the person, not questions that keep the victim on the ground. Put yourself in that person’s shoes, envisage that it’s someone very close to you who’s in that mix. We need to be more sympathetic in this world. There are too many uncouth people around here. The world is more or less filled with monsters wearing humans than real humans and it’s so sad. We have to consciously understand the difference between being blunt and being bitchy. I say it the way it is and you speak against people, you shame them with your words. No, that is not being blunt, that’s being bitchy.