Grand gestures aren’t the only way to express your love. Something as simple as brewing your partner a cup of coffee in the morning helps improve your relationship, says Terri Orbuch, PhD, a marriage researcher and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great.
Orbuch has studied 373 couples for more than 28 years through the University of Michigan’s Survey Research Center, and her research shows that frequent small acts of kindness are a predictor of happiness in a relationship. “People may feel taken for granted,” Orbuch says. By doing these small tasks on a regular basis, you’ll help your partner feel noticed.
Bring Up A Funny Moment From Your Past
Sometimes the best memories are the funny ones. In Motivation and Emotion study, couples that remembered laughing together—like the time a grocery store clerk did something funny in the checkout line—reported greater relationship satisfaction than those who remembered experiences that were positive, but not necessarily when they’d laughed. “Laughter reminiscence packs an additional punch because people relive the moment by laughing again,” says study author Doris Bazzini, PhD, a psychologist at Appalachian State University in Boone, N.C.
Work Up A Sweat
It’s no secret that getting buff helps you out in the bedroom by boosting your endurance, strength, and flexibility—but a sweat session also has more immediate effects. “Endorphins from exercise give you an adrenaline rush that boosts arousal,” Orbuch says. Activities that get your heart rate up, like hiking, running, or biking, are guaranteed to have a positive effect on desire. “Any kind of arousal rush can be transferred to your partner and add passion to your relationship,” Orbuch says.
Ask A New Question
As a couple, you probably spend most of your time chatting about work, your kids, or your friends. When’s the last time you stopped to ask something new about each other? Everyone changes as relationships progress, Orbuch says, so it’s likely your partner has different interests and passions from the early years of your relationship. So ask your partner about anything you wouldn’t normally—movies, music, even what you’d do with lottery winnings.
Say Thank You
Think about the last time your partner did something to help you out or made you feel special, and then say “thank you” for it. “You get so comfortable with your partner it’s easy to expect them to meet your needs,” Dr. Saltz says. Too often couples forget to express a simple thanks, whether one of you helps out with the chores or surprises the other with a gift. And have you ever said thank you to your partner for simply being in your life? It’s important to express gratitude for this—not just for what they’re doing for you, Goldsmith says.
