Tell me a married man who hasn’t heard his wife complain of headache especially when the man wants to ‘’collaborate with the aliens in the other room’’ and I will tell you that man doesn’t exist (allow me to exagirate please, at least this is not a scientific article) sometimes men can’t process the headache maybe out of selfishness or for the knowledge men have on the healing powers of sex- now this is scientifically proven! But then dosage differ and it is subject to different pharmaco-whatever.

This article was inspired by a post I read on a Whatsapp group where a husband urged his wife on as she tries to answer the question why Gorilla’s behave in the same manner as men when they see women. The woman ended up exposing herself and the Gorilla grabbed her when the wife asked for help the man responded:’’ tell the Gorilla you have headache’’.

See wickedness, the headache thing has been paining the man, he has decided to show it in this manner. What cruelty! Hear it for free here it pains a man to the marrow when the ‘’headache’’ thing comes in the way of ‘’collaboration’’ with men dealing with it in different ways some result to forcing their wife, others beat her up, some will be walking up and down the house looking for what is not lost, some will become moody and avoid their wives like plaque, for others its time to get on social media to disturb the world with several philosophy about marriage, others will chat up their side chics and if the day is not too ‘’young’’’ they dash out wanting to buy suya or buy recharge card, for the cool ones who believe ‘’there is God o’’ they just go to bed God help you the following day and there is no argument.

Now this article is not to objectify women as sex slaves or to portray men as sex addicts but to start preparing the minds of men who are of marriageable age for some of the realities of marriage and how to negotiate for sex and may be through this we would be able to reduce cases of domestic violence.  Many married men will benefit too.

Yes men must also negotiate sex with their wives, the table is turning I know these used to be heard amongst women and in reproductive rights settings but the men folk too now needs to start learning how to especially from the time the wife conceives through to when she stops having children, way down to the start of menopausal symptoms, to menopause period itself and through old age.  This is a reality take it or leave it.

The first few months of marriage before conceiving things are fine, the frequency of headache and being tired is insignificant, and in all fairness the headache can’t come what will bring it no fee to be paid, its free eating, no children to care for, lots of free time ‘’as in’’ no issues. Truth be told both couples ‘’collaborate’’ more at this time because they want to have a child so that after 9 months of marriage ‘’people will come and dance with them carrying their own child’’ ofcourse there are newly weds who aren’t pressured and who just take their time.

Today’s woman most times come home tired (Note it is not easy for men too), still gets to the kitchen to cook, prepares the kids for school the next day and then hit the bed. Suddenly the ‘’Oga at the top’’ who has been sleeping or just got back from work (works late or goes to enjoy two cups along with a game of ayo olopon—since we now buy naija.) starts to ‘’disturb’’ madam, two responses are sure I am tired–I have headache or guess the second yourself.

So what if I am tired comes in and the oga at the top is ‘’fired up’’ what should he do? How can newly weds or those already married deal with this. While it is easy to say the man should go and sleep, its way too complicated, yes complicated as some if not many domestic violence cases can be traced to this.

We need to find a cure to the headaches and tiredness. Do you have a cure? Tell us.

Don’t ask me for a cure, I am equally tired and have headache- men do have one too!!!

PS: The purpose of this article is to jump-start a difficult but honest conversation on how husbands can and should deal with their wives ‘’headaches’’.

Oyebisi Babatunde Oluseyi is the Executive Director of the Nigeria Network of NGOs (NNNGO) and for many years been an internationally respected authority on the growth of civil society. He has over 10 years of experience as a senior policy analyst and strategist on addressing diverse development challenges of the African policy landscape.  He serves and has served on the Board of many companies and civil society organisations including Society for Family and Social Protection in Nigeria.

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