Marriage isn’t easy. It takes commitment, patience, love and sincere communication. Sometimes a little bit of advice in regards to your marriage can be uplifting and helpful, other times, not so much. Below are some age-old pieces of advice that will surely backfire on your relationship with your spouse.

1. Never go to bed angry

There are some issues that cannot be resolved quickly. Although no one wants to go to bed in a bad mood, sometimes the best thing to do is sleep on the problem and wake up with a clear mind the next morning. When you are tired, sometimes you can’t think logically. Make sure your mind has been lightened up overnight before you discuss the conflict.

2. Focus only on making them happy

While you want your spouse to be happy, it is not entirely in your control. When you put someone else’s happiness before your own, you are allowing yourself to become vulnerable. Don’t focus on buying each other gifts to ensure lasting happiness. Spend time together and create wonderful memories together. Both of you should be working on maintaining your individual happiness.

3. You can’t change your spouse

There is a profound belief that people can’t change when they are set in their ways. What many people don’t realize is that marriage changes people- sometimes for the better and other times for the worse. The changes don’t necessarily occur in their characteristics, but in the relationship itself. You may not realize this, but when you are in a committed relationship with someone, you rub off on each other. Change is inevitable.

4. You can always get divorced

If you go into your marriage with this idea in mind, you will not start off on steady ground. Marriage is supposed to be the most wonderful experience of your life. It is a constant game of give and take. With this thought in mind, it seems easier to give up than to try and save your relationship.

5. You should only marry your soul mate

Most people would like to believe there is someone out there who shares the same soul as their own. Although two souls may go well together, no one agrees on everything and everyone has different tastes and interests. Healthy relationships take time. Love takes time. Getting to know every inch of someone takes time. You don’t marry your soul mate; your spouse becomes your soul mate.

6. Your children should come before your spouse

So many people believe their children’s happiness comes before their spouse. While all the intentions in that belief are good, putting your spouse before your children is the key to keeping your kids happy and content in the home. That doesn’t mean not focusing on your children’s happiness and needs, but if your marriage is suffering, the entire family suffers along with it. A good relationship with your significant other is a security blanket for your children, especially when the kids witness the love and affection between you and your spouse.

7. Always share your feelings

Before you disagree, sharing your thoughts and feelings with your spouse is vital to a marriage. But, there are times when sharing our feelings turns into the blame game. Instead of sharing how your spouse made you feel bad, try to understand their decision in the first place. It is much easier to learn and understand why than to issue the blame. Doing so may reduce arguments in the future.

8. Don’t be “needy”

Being “needy” is something that is frowned upon these days. But what many people forget is how thrilling, exciting and worrisome a new relationship can be. Especially for newlyweds. It is okay to need some validation and a lot of attention from your spouse in the beginning. Not only does it further connect the two of you on an emotional level, but it can give you a stronger sense of security in your relationship as time goes on.

9. Just ignore them

Holding in your frustrations when your spouse does something that bothers you can be exhausting. If something is bothering you, it is better to speak up about it in the first place before it becomes an even more prominent issue between the two of you. Your spouse can’t read your mind, even though you wish they could. Give them your input in a respectful and non-confrontational way. As stated above, learn and grow from each other.

10. Stay together for your kids

Nobody wants their marriage to fail- especially when the two of you have had children together. But, when your constant bickering, tension, disrespect, and negativity start to affect your children, it may be time to seek a marriage counselor. You should both work hard to keep your marriage afloat, but don’t do it for anyone else’s sake, work through it only for yourself and for your spouse. Everyone else will benefit in the end.