For Kemi Badenoch
A home can be made anywhere you wish
Wilderness, mountain top, seaside, forest
You can stare at stars in the sky and wish they were neighbours
Who knows, perhaps one day they will be
We were taught that home is where the heart is
Wilderness, mountain top, seaside, forest
If it is your home, love lives there
Yet, as the years go by, we know better
Home is not where your heart is
It is where your life happens
Home does not have to be pretty – it can get ugly
Home is sometimes more of a desert without an oasis in sight
Home often feels like you are climbing a mountain with no summit
Home can also be the abode of things that make your skin crawl
We want to be warm and comfortable
We do not want to feel cold
We want to live free of fear
We want to live in peace
We want to sleep with our two eyes closed, and our bellies full
We want to wake up to the loud crows of the cocks at dawn
Or to the sound of busy trains making their way round the city
We want to greet our loved ones with smiles on our faces
We want to be able to say a prayer of thanks for the gift of a new day
Home is not where the heart is
Many times, our homes forget we have a heart
We become
Wounded
Disappointed
Unsafe
Afraid
Hungry
Sad
Angry
Dead
Home is not where the heart is
Our hearts often need a well-deserved vacation
That is when we realise that home is a place of longing
Of yearning, aspiration, hope, duty, responsibility
It is a place where you belong
Or you think you belong
It is easy to forget
We do not need to love our home
We do not need to even like our home
We do not have to fight for our home – others can do that
We do not have to serve our home – others are doing that
We do not need to celebrate our home – others are proud to do so
Home is not where the heart is
It is a place where you remember
There will be good times that make your heart sing
Bad memories that haunt your sleep
Yet all things bright, beautiful, ugly, or sad
Can be found in all the places you call home
Wilderness, mountain top, seaside, forest
Home is not where your heart is
Hearts can be fickle
They can push you to seek comfort in a variety of places
This means you can call anywhere home
You can belong to a number of places at once
You can long for the sound of the rhythmic mortar pounding yam nearby
Yearn for the smell of grass after the rains
Or the feel of crunchy snow under your boots
It is not your heart that needs to be there
You have to be there
With respect, dignity, reverence and humility
Maybe your heart can come later
Maybe not
Till then
Home is not where your heart is
Wilderness, desert, mountain top, seaside, forest
It is simply one of a number of places
That will always be waiting for you
Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Leadership Coach, Policy Advocate and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com