I have always grown up seeing my mum attend to the needs of every other person but herself. The burden of her family, friends, and neighbours always lies on her and she was so focused on making everything work out even if it meant her falling sick. At some point, I just assumed it was her personality-she wanted everyone to be fine. But it was not so. I realized over time it is the nature of virtually every woman. My aunts, older friends, neighbours all acted in the same light and one way or the other, I started acting as such.
The truth is women usually prioritize others and sometimes do so to the detriment of themselves. This is majorly attributed to our patriarchal driven society where the woman is a second citizen that caters for the good of others. She is groomed to serve her man – him, his children, family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Our society is not built to raise women to explore their potential; they are to see that other people around them are fulfilled but not them. Even when a woman is thriving, she is expected to forfeit all her achievement for the success of her home because that is what she is born to do and making an attempt to do otherwise by putting herself first makes her a selfish rebel.
However, we need to come to a point where we understand that prioritizing ourselves does not mean we care about only ourselves. Always remember that only a healthy mind can take care of others and with or without you, life continues. Therefore, you need to pay attention to yourself first because only then can you fully attend to the needs of others and not the other way around. Here are some of the few things you can do to help yourself:
- Realize your worth; Respect yourself.
This is one thing that not only affects how you view yourself but how others view you. When you realize your worth, then you know what is worth spending your resources (money, time and energy) on; you understand the fact that you cannot be there for everyone, therefore you place value on yourself. When people see that you respect yourself, they respond with respecting you. Always remember the degree to which you respect yourself is the same to which others will respect you.
- Have little or no expectations from others.
You need to understand the fact that nobody owes you anything. Waiting on others to take care of you may be you waiting in futility. Make efforts to build yourself in making informed decisions so you don’t wait for others to do it for you. Learn to validate yourself from your results and the vision you have for yourself and not the words of others. Also, having fewer expectations from others means little or no disappointments when it happens.
- Be 1-3 on your to-do list.
Yes! Be on your to-do list and not below but on top. Make daily plans and create time to do something significant for yourself no matter how little e.g. meditating. Learn to spend on yourself; buy yourself things, take yourself out. Make yourself happy and treat yourself right.
- Celebrate your successes.
Most times, women are quick to trivialize and generalize their achievements. They assume childbearing for example is what any woman can do therefore it is no big deal. NO! It is a big deal. People lose their lives in the course but you brought a human to life, you are worth celebrating. Women should learn to celebrate even the most little achievements; career, personal, societal etc. Do something for yourself that says YOU GO, GIRL!
- Make it a habit
In simple terms, make taking care of yourself your habit.
In all its fullness, prioritizing yourself makes you live a more happy and productive life. Help yourself so you can help others. So, I say it once again: OH WOMAN! PRIORITIZE YOURSELF