The other day, I was strolling through my Instagram feed while “awing” and “awning” to sweet pictures of couples and then I stumbled upon the news saying that a couple I had been admiring for so long had just divorced. I just kept staring in confusion.
I went to check out their posts from a few months before and even the captions still warmed my heart.
How did they go from that to this? I kept asking.
Some days later, I had a conversation about this with somebody and she decided to share her own experience of marriage as a way of explaining what could have happened.
The following story is that of a wife of over 20 years. Her experience, joys and regrets.
“At the age of 21, I walked into marriage. No prior relationships or dating experience. I had met a man who was poor but hardworking. At that time, he literally owned only a shirt, a trouser, a T.V, a bed and some kitchen utensils. I knew marriage would entail its rough side but I didn’t know that for a 21 year old, that rough side would be capable of breaking your spirit in unimaginable ways. I would use fasting as an excuse on days when we had no food to eat. At 24, I had 2 children with both of them being above 1 year of age.
Somewhere in the midst of all these, I started attending a polytechnic and my husband started to find his footing. I worked jobs that could have cost me my life at many times. We walked and worked through hardships, job loss, chronic sicknesses, family issues….and so many others. With years passing by, we moved into our own space and got to send our children to good schools.
As our children grew up, I started a University first degree and moved on to Masters.
I am in my forties now and as I look back, I wonder how I even managed to cope as an early-age wife. Many times, I would look back and wish I had enjoyed my twienties more than I did. My youthful memories are filled with diapers(we couldn’t afford this then so most times we just used clothes), screaming children , cooking, cleaning……..
This is not to say that I do not love the life I live now”
She then went on to say that, we never know what people secretly go through in their marriages and it is very easy to point fingers when we are not in their shoes and haven’t experienced what they have experienced. In her words, “I would not say I have the perfect words to encourage a young woman seeking to step into marriage but I would say, step into it if you are sure and don’t step into it if you are not. Especially, because today, there are so many more things to consider and put in place before marriage.
This is very important because after putting in so much hardwork into making things work, you may finally decide to walk away from the marriage when you are finally just about to walk into the honeymoon phase”