Why aren’t you married? Your friends are already having children.

You don’t have anything to bring to the table!

You are not getting any younger…

You are too independent.

Do not be picky; but, don’t settle for less.

How many times have you heard these words said?

A lot right?

Approaching a particular age in your life and not having an idea of what to expect can be quite frustrating – there’s the pressure, the comparisons, a truckload of anxieties, flashes of anger and much more than you bargained for joining the mix. However, not everyone has it sorted out and, note, this is fine.

However, there’s another thing that can be sorted out and given serious consideration – the pressure of just being in a relationship. The constant battle of wanting to be your very best and having a healthy relationship can be a very tasking feat. For some people, It’s much easier to be single than to be involved in any form of entanglement. But, hey! Do you think you will be left alone and be in peace? You must be hooked!

The narrative that you must be submissive and accept the man’s view isn’t far fetched. After all, a relationship should be a place where two different people meet and create a balance. But, what do I know? Submission seems to be the focus and the record playing on everyone’s lips: he is the head of the family and what he says is final, bend and be flexible; if he wants you to quit your job do so! Hmmm, if you look around a lot of people are in this dilemma.

Then stories of betrayal, deceit, showing one’s true personality pop up after a short while in marriage and you begin to wonder what went wrong? The “truth” is what happened. You were not honest or willing to talk about your ideas and disagreements, finances or showing your flaws. Sometimes, pretence is the key tool employed just to be with the person you claim to love and this is what brings about the conflict afterwards. The whole idea of settling down and accepting his/ her views just to get into the house is what happened. The intoxicating idea that you can change a person or you will insist on doing what you have set your mind to do immediately you get into a commitment with the person is fraudulent.

Both parties need to be accountable.

If you want a particular thing in a lady, say it, and if she isn’t what you expect, leave her. The same applies to the lady. Everyone deserves to be happy and accountable for their actions. It will be truly liberating if you do not have to pretend about who you are, or compromise on things you necessarily know cannot be changed. Try not to give yourself many headaches and be labelled a deceiver or a bad person when in reality you could have gotten better partners who would understand you enough to strike a balance or share your ideologies.

That mentality that there are no good people or that you won’t get a suitable partner because everyone is in the race to get married should be washed away. There is definitely that person that gets you and from there you can work out your relationship and enjoy your life. Try to be your true self and stop being rigid because you want to please one another and the end goal has to be marriage. No! Enjoy the growth in the relationship, look out for red flags and try to be an even evolved version of yourself. Also, kindly walk away if there’s any trace of toxicity or something you don’t like. Not everyone can be fixed and not all habits and attitudes can be corrected. Do not rush yourself because nobody is rushing you. Those voices from internal and external forces cannot save you when the mistake is done. In the end, you are your own decision, live and love yourself.