I stumbled on a video online recently with the title “I GOT FLOWERS TODAY” and the storyline was about domestic violence between couples. The man will hit the lady and after each encounter, he always got her flowers. The lady considered leaving the marriage severally but because the man always apologized with nice flowers, she kept hoping he would change. Well, he actually did change, but, from bad to worse because he always hit her for every small issue and would sometimes rape her. On a particular day he came home, he found the lady weak, tired and probably ill but all because she couldn’t answer his questions properly and audibly, the man had to hit her and even raped her violently. Well, as usual, she got flowers but this time, in her grave. Such a sad story.
A lot of us are in abusive relationships and we keep hoping our partners will change someday. It’s good to hope but no one can change a man except the man himself. Some are physically abused, emotional or even sexually abused. But here you are, saying he’s a nice guy and you can’t leave him all because he buys you compensation gifts or because you’ve both come a long way or because you can’t stand him with another woman. Don’t worry, he will change and even become worst but then, let’s hope he doesn’t lead you to your grave because if he does, he will end up with another woman eventually.
The same thing as marriage, we tell the wife not to leave an abusive marriage all because of her children and so that everything she has worked for doesn’t get into another woman’s hand, so because of that, she should endure and persevere. If this man ends up killing the woman, won’t the children live and grow without her? Won’t they have a step-mother? The society has so much encouraged and supported violence apologists by making these statements:
“Maybe she’s the one doing something wrong.”
“Your husband cannot rape you.”
“Don’t leave for the sake of your children.”
“Don’t let another woman reap all you’ve worked for.”
This is actually a wakeup call for a lot of people experiencing violence in their relationships or marriages. Sister, mummy, please, walk away, in fact, run as far as you can away from your abuser. What should matter to you is your happiness, safety and peace of mind. It’s possible the victim doesn’t die from the violence but what if she becomes hypertensive, or someone with high blood pressure or even has internal injuries, or complications or becomes physically deformed. Trust me, she’s going to live with the effects and the trauma for the rest of her life.
If you’re going through any of these things, please speak up to the right authority. Don’t be scared, and don’t also feel pity for him because he’s your husband because he doesn’t even care about you. Some of you are in abusive relationships and you find it so hard to want to leave. I have good news for you, it’s a lot easier to leave before you make the biggest mistake of getting married to that person. I know the guy sent you to school, I understand that he’s the one taking care of your bills but then, it’s not enough reason for you to be victimized. Please report to the right authorities and leave the relationship. The society also has a lot of work to do; instead of supporting an abusive husband, shaming the woman and even encouraging her to stay in the marriage, please encourage her to speak up and even leave the marriage.
Please, do not wait until it’s your turn to get flowers (in the grave).
It’s better to be safe than to be dead. If you’re in an abusive relationship and you’re reading this, I pray you find strength to walk away before it’s too late. Kindly share with your friend, and every female figure you have in your life. Do not forget to also encourage and support a victim.