‘In her 30s’  This is the place where I share my daily ordeal with y’all on a weekly basis. I try to talk to you cos I feel y’all can relate with me or will be able to relate with me.

You are welcome! Let me formally introduce myself; My name is Miriam. I am an event planner, content editor and a jolly good fellow. I am not married but I am in my 30’s and being the only female in the family, my parents want me to get settled. ‘Money doesn’t solve companionship’ in their words.  Before y’all come for me and think that my own is too much ehn, see, I am a very reserved babe o but this our African setting makes it easy for some people to want to pry into your business and they have no guts to do so.

I have received tons of mails… Miriam, where are you? where have you been? I know y’all miss me and I miss you guys too but the gist is, I am back and I came back with plenty gist. Some of my married friends have been faced with a ‘new kind of normal’ which in an actual sense should be the real deal, the way it should be done. This COVID-19 saga has opened people’s eyes. The ones who have been struggling with their partners but hiding under work pressure to get away, the ones who just leave home to stay off for a while and come home to sleep. We all know them yeah? of course, we do and this time around, there is no place to go except home. One night, a friend of mine called that she’s going insane. I wondered what happened? does anyone have coronavirus around you? she said no. So, what happened? Well, her husband has been demanding. He asks for food and sex every minute. He wants some food and some other some. She is tired. She wished she could leave the house for a while. Okay, this is where you would wonder why this is a big deal to her yeah? after all, women crave for this kinda attention. The word here is… intoxicating. It is intoxicating her and instead of it to be fun, it has become a burden to her… hmmm!

Another friend of mine called me to rant about her husband’s excesses. He is just cold. He doesn’t want to play, he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want anything. He locks himself in his study from morning till night, he only eats and sleeps. It looks as if he is tired of the marriage. He’s always been somehow but she didn’t know it was this bad. She didn’t know the man couldn’t stand her. She didn’t know he hated her this much. They are yet to have kids so she felt this would have been a perfect time to do all the doings, have all the sex that can help them procreate but this man is definitely not having it. One night, she overheard him discussing with his friend that he is tired of being at home with his wife. It pierced her heart but this is her reality and then they called me to suggest what to do. And yes, they permitted me to write this before you go about saying, Miriam is a snitch. My friends know that I care about people’s feelings a lot, so I wouldn’t have shared this without their permission.

Now, When the first person called me to rant, I had a series of questions in my head: Questions like, Is it that bad? Is his pace too much for you? Is he too bad at cooking that he couldn’t even offer help? Does he know you get tired? did you let him know that you are tired? I have time, okay, so I will respond to the questions one after the other cos they aren’t rhetorical.  Is it that bad?- It is worse, you are not in my shoes. Is his pace too much for you in bed?- It is not about the pace it is about wanting it every time, I feel like my vagina will tear soon. Is he bad at cooking?- He never helps out, never. Is he aware when you are tired?- his response is, why should you be tired? after all, there is no work. I took a deep breath and wracked my brain but at the same time, I was careful cos this husband and wife issue, I always try to ignore. The truth is this, if you don’t discuss before marriage you will struggle in marriage.  There is no perfect marriage and I know that that’s why I told her to sit her husband down and talk to him. Talk not scream or yell… speak as a couple and hear what he has to say. Tell him how you feel and let him know that supporting you isn’t a crime. That’s why you are married and this shouldn’t be alien to him. After we spoke, she felt relaxed and said she’s going to do what I advised her to do. Oh well, it worked. They are fine now…

My second friend, oh, her husband is very quiet. He looks like one who cannot swallow a morsel of eba.. but well, only the one who wears the shoes know where it pinches. I advised her to talk to her husband. I told her to ask him if he is tired of the union and I also told her to be prepared for anything. She did, they talked and the man said he’s tired of the marriage. How I can I salvage it? I asked him… My head banged. Why would you ask such a question? what can you do to salvage what? what? what happened to the both of you working for your marriage to work? He is tired, he wants out, leave him. Let him go. It was a bitter pill to swallow but she had to. She came to terms that her marriage was over and they had only been struggling to make this work. She has called her lawyer to get their divorce papers ready. Isn’t okay to have a good life, with peace and joy than to struggle to live with flesh and blood, called a man? Oh, please… Peace of mind is very dear.

At the end of the lockdown, they will finally have to live separately but for now, she has moved out of the bedroom to the guest room while Mr husband still stays in his study doing whatever he likes. Listen to me, you don’t need to rush to settle down. Get your senses straight. Know what you freaking want to do. When you see the one you are certain of, please, talk. Talk about everything and anything.

Are you in a relationship with someone who you can confidently get away with? Think about it.