This is about picturing the realities in our society.

Just before you begin : This is a discussion between three social agents, three women involved in different social innovations who’ve been brought together to discuss the different issues they’ve solved, the different stories they’ve heard and how we all can become good influencers, good change agents. I hope this stirs a thing up as you read.

                             Meet the Change Agents:

My name is Jadesola Olumide, I Work with women in rural and urban Nigeria. My organization teaches them to work with their hands to make money, well that’s what some people call skills acquisition. I have worked with over 5,000 women and I am still working daily with women and girls.

I am Tomi Nelson, I am an advocate against rape and sexual assault in society. I was working in the UK before coming to stay in Nigeria, and I must say I have seen much more than I expected to see. It’s no news that we have a lot to do but it is news that we need hands to make this happen.

My name is Lilian Ukachi. I am a media personality, social media influencer and trainer. I work with women and girls on a daily basis, I listen to them, motivate them to thirst for more and go beyond their boundaries. We have a lot of women and girls out there whose zest for life has been destroyed. It is imperative that we join hands to make their dreams come true.

Moderator:  Hello ladies…

Ladies: Heyyyyyy

Moderator: In this month of women, I thought of us to share something quite unique. The pressure the society lands on women once they get married. The womb watchers association of the world.

Jadesola Olumide: Sho’ ti take in? (are you pregnant?) Laughs.  Mehn! women face a lot.

Lilian Ukachi: When you marry late, they will be asking series of questions. When you now marry nko, na another one be that. They will start asking when you are getting delivered of your baby. Like, what is it? Is it your marriage? Is it your business?

Tomi Nelson: I have a family friend who’s been married for two years without a child. See, just two years o and the whole family is in panic mode for her. When people see her, they immediately look at her stomach. Their eyes go to her stomach asap. They don’t even care about courtesy. There was a day she was ranting to me, she said people don’t even respect private discussions. They would outrightly ask her what’s been happening and be counting dates for her. Unknowing to them, it’s an agreement between herself and husband.  They want to enjoy themselves for a little while before the babies start coming in. Now, imagine if there’s wasn’t an agreement. Imagine if it’s a medical issue?  This woman will start running into being depressed. She will start running helter-skelter. she will start to feel like a failed woman. I still don’t get the way we think. Perhaps, our communal way of life has taught to disrespect boundaries.

Jadesola Olumide: Personally, I feel that a lot of women put themselves under pressure. Whether it is a joint agreement with your husband or not, it is your marriage, the babies would come when they want to. It is okay to get a little anxious but it is not okay to allow the judgments of people to deter from being you. It is your marriage. If they want to be counting, let them count and if they are getting on your nerves, shut them up. In the name of being courteous, we tolerate rubbish, we don’t know when to block people off, see, block them off. Stop them. Shut them up. Tell them to go and mind their business and don’t allow anyone to spoil your joy.

Lilian Ukachi:  You don’t know what we should understand, the marriage is for the couple. In as much as you want to share in their joy, if you cannot see a protruding belly, don’t ask silly questions. If she is looking chubby, leave her alone so far there’s no belly, leave her alone. Womb watchers association can be freaking annoying. Once you post on your social media platform that you married, you will see them commenting ‘when are the babies coming, should we be expecting news soon’ like seriously, how’s that your business? How does that affect your peace of mind? And you know the most annoying thing, women are the culprits. They are the ones who poke nose.  ‘Ha, have you taken in? you look round,what’s happening?’ even in the family, they are the ones who would be prying. ‘what is happening. when are you getting us our babies?’ as if the woman manufactures babies. As if it is in her place to produce the babies. Nonsense!

Tomi Nelson: Lilian don vex ooooo. (Laughs) The aspect of women being culprits is very important.  Most times, we are the perpetrators of this act. Some times it is out of care but most times, it can be out of ‘busybody’. They are too into the businesses of others that they become annoying. I got married to my husband,  we will get our babies when it is time for us.  Women are mostly the ‘societal pressures’ we speak about. Most times, they are the ones telling another woman that she is ageing and should get married and when she gets married, they are also the ones who would start tasking for babies. ‘give our son a child’ Am I God? One thing I would also advise intending couples to do is to talk about delay in marriage. See, life is a pot of beans. Sometimes, the babies come and sometimes, it takes time. If both of you have had an earlier discussion, you will not be pressurised by people. You will not be bothered about what they say, or become anxious unnecessarily.  It is expedient that couples have that conversation.

Jadesola Olumide: You know why people would want to shy away from talking about the ‘what if’s’ when it comes to childbearing?  The God Forbid syndrome, The it will never be my portion syndrome’ that’s why. No one is saying you shouldn’t confess positively. What we are saying is be prepared for whatever happens. Be prepared and be fully kitted for it. Talk about everything and be mentally mature before getting married. If you allow the little talks of people get at you. you will cry all your days out. Shun womb watchers. Again, I say, Shut them up. Tell them to mind their business and move. There is no time to take in negativity.

Lilian Ukachi: I totally agree with Jadesola. When they come with the rubbish talks, drag them.  Even if they are your family members, don’t tolerate it. shut them up.

Moderator: Thank you, Ladies, as always

Ladies:  Thank you, madam moderator

See you next week…