‘In her 30s’  This is the place where I share my daily ordeal with y’all on a weekly basis. I try to talk to you cos I feel y’all can relate with me or will be able to relate with me.

You are welcome! Let me formally introduce myself; My name is Miriam. I am an event planner, content editor and a jolly good fellow. I am not married but I am in my 30’s and being the only female in the family, my parents want me to get settled. ‘Money doesn’t solve companionship’ in their words.  Before y’all come for me and think that my own is too much ehn, see, I am a very reserved babe o but this our African setting makes it easy for some people to want to pry into your business and they have no guts to do so.

Y’all know by now, that I am a very plain young woman. I will not come out to claim who I am not. I believe in practising what I preach and at the same, I believe that every one of us must be civil enough to allow people to down their opinions. We should not expect that because we think something is morally good to us, then it has to be okay for everyone to do the same. This leads me to my gist. ‘SEX TOYS AND ALL THAT LIES BETWEEN’. We were at a meeting somewhere in Lagos, this meeting was predominantly a meeting of women.  Basically, we were invited to have talks on health, finance, mental health. We started to talk about some business issues and then we delved into relationship talks.  Well, quite a number of us were single women in their 30’s and one of us who’s married asked how we were holding up with family pressures, societal pressures and some inbuilt epiphany. Truth be told, some of us who still intend to have a family, sometimes, we think about those issues. We sometimes envisage the coming of our prince charming and our warriors (children) but at the same time, we are not going to take less. We are not going to rush. we have come too far to take the small chicken.  Back to the discussion, we started to gist genuinely about some of the pressures but there’s one thing holding it down for us, we all didn’t want to settle for less.   One of us spoke intensely about the orgy. Oh yes, quite a number of us didn’t have flings, we are too careful about our health and didn’t want to start throwing things left, right and centre. We are humans and most definitely, the touch matters. We get horny, yeah, but we try to be careful so we don’t allow our emotions to cloud our judgment. As we proceeded in the discussion, a lady mentioned SexToys.  “I have found a better way for me, I use sex toys to make myself happy. I cannot go around sleeping with men, but I use them toys, flush out the things I need to get out of my system and I am happy.”

Then of us reacted, ” Sex Toys? for what? are you that desperate to be touched. You will be moaning all by yourself. That is not classy. It is not refined at all. You should change that. It is even better to have flings than have that sex toys thing”  Her tone was annoying. She was rubbishing the other lady and by now, there were mixed reactions in the room. Some ladies didn’t see it as a big deal while some were of the same opinion as the woman and trust me, I decided to speak up to give a balance. I am not against the usage of sex toys… I replied. What? Miriam? the woman said. Yes, you heard me. I am not against it. I do no use sex toys but I am not against it. She is being careful with her emotions. She hasn’t found the man and she doesn’t want to become a sex worker, looking for manly satisfaction here and there but she took to a thing to help out. She is safe. she is fine. You might have issues with it, you may hate it. It may be against your belief system but it has absolutely nothing to do with moral standards and what classy represents. She is 30 something, she is not in a relationship, she has blood flowing through her veins and let me remind you that our hormones aren’t the same. That, I get myself under caution doesn’t mean the other person is good enough to go that route. Sex Toys wouldn’t stop her from doing it with her man when he comes and just so you know, married women have sex toys. Sometimes, it is for fun. It is not necessarily a bad habit.

“I know a married woman who owns a sex toy and her husband agreed to it, he prefers her doing it with toys than getting tempted to do it outside. He knows he doesn’t satisfy the way she would want to” Now, that is sincerity and understanding. Ma, is that unrefined too? I looked at her and caught her looking away. You see people like that, we know them. They want everyone to do their ‘righteousness’ Oh, I wear pink, and pink has to be good for me to wear it and so if you turn away from wearing pink, you are in trouble. Let people be who they want to be. I do not see a big deal in sex toys and the market is huge in Nigeria. A lot of women have sex toys. They buy them. Ask sex educators, they will tell you but the sad truth is, because of the constant negativity and hypocrisy in our nation, you hardly find people confidently say they have sex toys. Madam, if you want one, buy it but if you are married, you can talk to your spouse before getting one. I know that stuff demeans the ego of men and I quite understand but as it is, if you need your down below vibrated, get thee a vibrator.

Thank you for coming to my corner Fam. See you soon.