Sibling rivalry is real. It gets escalated when all are married. Wisdom is required by parents to manage it. Firstborns especially have a role in ensuring that things do not escalate to a stage where the children are involved. Secondborns often times are arrogant and want to ride on the firstborn. Humility, wisdom, patience and kindness are qualities required by firstborns to play their role effectively.

As a father you can’t afford not to invest more time and energy in ensuring that your firstborn can lead well, is able to see issues and use diplomacy in handling them. You will be wrong on all shades if you beat the firstborn for the secondborn or show that you love one sibling more than the other. You must at all times exert and reinforce the firstborn’s leadership- I love the igbo culture for this, whether rich or poor a firstborn’s role is sacrosanct.

Firstborns by nature are gentle, easygoing and often times seen as slow. Note to parents when your firstborn is doing gragra or ganranganran be worried. Most times firstborns are slow in achieving for example they may be weak in their grades while the second is good, this is fine. Never you compare them. Because the weight on the shoulders of a firstborn is heavy they are many times molded by God to learn the qualities that will be useful for them in the future. Yiyo ekun bi ti ojo ko (the gentility of a lion isn’t cowardice)

It is important for firstborns to also note that they can’t afford to ‘’le body mole’’ (lazy) they must at all times gbe body (resourceful). While you need wisdom, kindness and humility you must also be resource rich. Our parents are naturally selfish they follow the money most times. Conduct your affairs as a first son or daughter in ways that ensures you can take care of your parents and your immediate family. They are your utmost responsibility if any of your sibling’s help that’s fine if they don’t, complain not!

Love all your siblings equally. Even when you have favourites avoid showing it. Never let any of them be able to quote you as saying things about them. What you tell A tell B and C. When they come reporting each other to you take no sides as much as you can and be courageous to tell all of them the truth!

Now who cares for the firstborn. Majority of times they are alone in their world while caring for all. They hardly get gifts and are often neglected as they are assumed to be capable. Here firstborns must build their emotional intelligence and cultivate a culture of self-care. Hard to achieve but we must now do it. Sounds like we need a Firstborn Association of Nigeria where we look out for ourselves….. lol.

Ai ni owo lowo ko pa eni ni oruko da (That I am poor doesn’t change my name). Resource rich secondborns must at all times learn to show respect to the firstborn. It’s not always easy; learning to be humble is an important imperative in keeping the family together. Likewise resource rich firstborns must also be humble and take his or her siblings thoughts and ideas into consideration at all times.

Do not be misled; there is family politics and favoritism. The cure to this is many times money. Omo double your hussle but be sure to keep Gods kingdom first. Wos wo ibi won ma yeye e ni (look here, you will be mocked at) family meeting if you can’t put money on the table. Se o n wine mi ni (are you whining me)… hehehehehe! This is not to say firstborns are always sensible. Sometimes we are senseless walahi but then we respect our secondborns when they can respectfully whip us back to our senses. The power of the secondborn is high over the firstborn if he or she is respectful. Yes as firstborn we have to earn the respect. We must work hard to earn it after all.

A firstborn is an akitan (refuse dump). He/she will be abused, disrespected and trampled but must at all times bounce back to accept more of the disrespect and pretend nothing has happened. Jesus Christ remains their model in humility and forgiveness. They must not retaliate. Firstborns must also remember not to irritate his or her siblings. He/she must at all times be loving and peaceable.

As the family gather over the holidays can you make it a time to settle all your scores and ensure that you spend the next decade helping each other to grow. Se o fe gbo (do you want to hear?) the next decade will only be for people who can activate their networks which includes family, friends and associates. Be there fighting nonsense fight– settle all nonsense fight now.

The Many Sufferings Of A FirstbornPart 1