This is about picturing the realities in our society.

Just before you begin : This is a discussion between three social agents, three women involved in different social innovations who’ve been brought together to discuss the different issues they’ve solved, the different stories they’ve heard and how we all can become good influencers, good change agents. I hope this stirs a thing up as you read.

                             Meet the Change Agents:

My name is Jadesola Olumide, I Work with women in rural and urban Nigeria. My organization teaches them to work with their hands to make money, well that’s what some people call skills acquisition. I have worked with over 5,000 women and I am still working daily with women and girls.

I am Tomi Nelson, I am an advocate against rape and sexual assault in society. I was working in the UK before coming to stay in Nigeria, and I must say I have seen much more than I expected to see. It’s no news that we have a lot to do but it is news that we need hands to make this happen.

My name is Lilian Ukachi. I am a media personality, social media influencer and trainee. I work with women and girls on a daily basis, I listen to them, motivate them to thirst for more and go beyond their boundaries. We have a lot of women and girls out there whose zest for life has been destroyed. It is imperative that we join hands to make their dreams come true.

                                            Topic : Women Supporting Women

Jadesola Olumide : (laughs) you have a way of bringing some very simple but critically deep topics, madam moderator. This is one topic that has its pros and cons with real stories to back them up.

Lilian Ukachi : As she said, this topic, I smiled and sighed at the same time. Let me say this, I am not going to mince words here cos we all are a family but sometimes, this ‘women supporting women’ thing as we say it doesn’t really happy in the real sense of it. Let me explain further, you see, the way a lot of us have made this a ‘national anthem’ especially on social media  making it look as if every woman you meet will stand up to your needs, stand up to help and give you a chance, well, in all sense of sincerity, this isn’t true. I have encountered women who are nice but are not willing to extend their ladder for you to climb to their level cos they are scared of your growth, they sacred of you taking the title away from them, then there are women who are nice and are ready to help. Then we have women who aren’t nice, who don’t believe in you and will stop at nothing to making sure that no other person believes in you. Now, this women supporting women thing falls in the first category, you have women who would be nice to you but aren’t ready to take you up. Those are the women whom during sessions, will never disclose How to do make things happen (Tomi screams) hayyyyyyy!!! Lilian, you have finished this. It is true my sister (Lilian continues) women who would never want to teach you how to fish but would prefer to be seen clapping, smiling and giving shots but once you get close to them, it is a different ball game. So, this women supporting women thing is real but we have a long way to go, a long way to walk out lip service.

Tomi Nelson: I love the way you broke it down, Lily. I give credit to the incredible women I have seen, met over the years but I wouldn’t lie about the facts. We are still lagging behind. The truth is this, most of us women are scared to share our growth secrets. It is painful but it is what it is, you would find women who would never connect you to the right people, they will not give you the ‘connect’ you need and that is why, ‘the Old boys association’ will keep doing great stuff. These men aren’t scared to share, to spread their tentacles but us as women, it is a big deal. I greatly admire women who do all it takes to get women to climb up the ladder but they are 5% out of 100 of us. That is why it seems like we are not making the progress we should make or be making after the different conferences, sessions etc we have been doing all these years. We are just turning in circles and it is bad. The solution is walking out lip service and making it a real walk, we need to walk the talk. we need to indeed support ourselves. We aren’t there yet.

Jadesola Olumide: Women supporting women, women watching out for one another, women sticking their necks out for one another, how true? Sincerely, this is a critical topic. I would say this, not all women would support women. Before you eat me, let me explain. In as much as we are trying to build a circle of friendship and growth, let me use the word ‘ a cabal’. In as much as we are trying to build a cabal that can help us in development, we must know this, not every woman would support this. As women, we are strong in our own rights and very stubborn too, we are also very fierce in reasoning and most times, very difficult to bend. You see a woman who just doesn’t like the appeal of another woman. This woman hasn’t done anything to her, this woman has done nothing to warrant her hate but she just doesn’t like her person so how do you tell that kind of woman to support another woman?  And that is why people say when you see a gathering of women, you see cliques. People who think they can flow with this person better than the other and that is why there will always be a bridge in this women’s development campaign we are trying to build.  When some of us see a woman jumping from pillar to post to make things happen, instead of us to stand up and carry the person through, some of us would start hating the person , then some would take it further by looking for those who do not like the person also and then create a siege around that person. I tell people that we haven’t made as much progress as we ought to because there is a siege within us.

          Moderator: You mentioned something about women not helping, shielding that woman who’s engagedly moving from pillar to post. But some women decline the help, some women want to be the ‘star girl’ without help. How about that?

Lilian Ukachi: This is a vital point. Some women don’t want to see with a clique of women oooooo. They just want to do it all by themselves. They want the world ‘to see them working, see them sweating’ they want to be seen as the ‘one-woman army’. It is good but at the same time, if you have genuine people who want to help you, you should give them a chance cos it will enhance your speed. Don’t be the only noisemaker cos you cannot be the only one in the circle of change. There are lots of change-makers around the world so you cannot be the only one, nor the only woman.

Tomi Nelson: Some people live for the title, they live for the accolades and don’t want to share it. See, if we don’t dismantle all of this irrelevant nonsense, we would keep walking in circles. We would keep dragging ourselves back and forth.

Jadesola Olumide: Countless times I tell fellow women, there is sweetness and abundance is ‘oneness’ in being one! We can fly together, we can make waves if we want to. It is not enough that we gather under one roof, with stylish outfits, with English flying up and about, with scents in the air, with clappings and cheerings and then we leave the same way we came. No impact. No lifting. We go back battling the same issues we should have solved. No. That is not the way to go.

                                               Moderator : So, what is the way forward?

Lilian Ukachi: we should try to be tolerant and genuinely help one another

Tomi Nelson: The truth is this, we have women who genuinely cater to other women and help them grow. we just need more women in that circle.

Jadesola Olumide: No everyone will join the league but we can have a good number of us in the league.