Welcome to the counselling room with Madam K. As usual, we will read stories from survivors, people who have been through the odds and have stood against the odds. I am sharing these stories to awaken us, to make us know that people are going through a lot of inhumane treatment. 

Continued from the last post

Madam K : Ever heard of conflict resolution? and wait, how come you came here to talk after three weeks? even when he didn’t come along? What are you trying to do?

Adedoju : Well, I will send it and if he doesn’t reply?

Madam K : You will pack your heart, head and mind together and Live Your Life!

                                                                       {Few days later}

Adedoju : I think we have come to the end of the road in this marriage. He refused to come. He said his point was made clear. It’s either I resign or we lock the marriage up.

Madam K : And? your choice?

Adedoju : I would go on the long walk that leads to happiness not the one that breeds resentment. I will be fine.

Madam K : Women are forced to make choices. They are told to always be the sacrificial lamb but they always forget that love is between two persons. They have to reason together, make decisions together, not the other lording over the other party. Adedoju, this is not going to be easy knowing how much you loved him. If leaving and being on your own will work for you, I am with you on this. 

Adedoju : Thank you Madam K. I really don’t understand how people would confess love and still take it for granted. I loved and wanted everything good to come us, I cried and prayed for this marriage/relationship and the pastor told me that he’s my ordained husband so why is this happening? The Lord said he’s my husband.

Madam K : Listen, the lord gave us trees but gave us the brain to make furniture from the trees, he gave us flour and gave us brain to make pancakes, dough etc. This is how things are misplaced. Even if an angel descended and showed you your husband that doesn’t mean the both of you will be played to act like robots. We  are humans, flesh and blood with a sense of reasoning. You will have to make decisions that suit the relationship, you will have to respect each other and fight for what you own. People think because there is a spiritual ordination everything will be set, no! it is a relationship. Even if you got the signs and the man isn’t sensible, what would happen? It will crash. God will not come and live out the ideal relationship for you two, it takes two to tango.

Adedoju : Hmmmm…

Madam K : The simplest and yet the most complex thing to build in this world is Relationship. It doesn’t matter if it has to do with couples, children, friends etc. Building a good relationship can be both simple and complex. It is simple if the parties put down their motives on a plain slate and work towards it but it can be difficult when the both of them don’t understand what they are doing in the first place. Understanding deeply is key. You don’t assume for the other person. You are not permitted to even assume because assumption is the lowest level of knowledge. That is why when couples argue and you begin to hear ‘I thought I knew Your Person’… there is an issue. Someone assumed for another. 

Adedoju : I have been assuming all along.

Madam K : You assumed he said yes to your career goals, you assumed he would fight for the marriage, you assumed he saw the sacrifices you made. Now, this is the what happens when you hear, ‘it cannot work out again’ the cloak of assumption gets removed and the other person wants more. Before you say Yes, know what you are walking into. Don’t assume to know the person. Ask questions, more questions and more and more. This would help you make your choice it doesn’t matter if an angel spoke to you 

Adedoju : I wished I heard this earlier.

Madam K : It doesn’t matter, you are young and you will find love again or are you giving up on love?

Adedoju : Well, it will take time.

Madam K :Take your time but don’t make the same mistakes…

Adedoju : Thank you for everything.

Madam K : This is what I am called to do… My couch is for everyone!

See you next week