Mothers do countless things for their children — they help with homework, provide much-needed boundaries, heal literal and figurative boo-boos, not to mention all the behind-the-scenes things that kids can’t see — but according to author and clinical psychologist Shefali Tsabary, there are three particular tasks that are more important than all of it.

As Dr. Shefali explains, moms who focus on these three things are helping the child thrive, while also finding their own sense of balance, joy and fulfillment each day.

1. Recognize your own worth.

When moms are whole from within, Dr. Shefali says, it radiates out to everyone else. “She will immediately reflect the wholeness within the child,” she says.

2. Stay present, available and attuned.

According to Dr. Shefali, this is what helps your child’s “developing spirit.” If needed, develop your own mindfulness practice to help you stay in the present moment and truly listen to your children.

3. Let your children make their own mistakes.

It’s difficult, but resist the instinct to overprotect your kids. “The mother [must] have faith in her mothering and set her children free to make their own mistakes,” Dr. Shefali says. “[Don’t] mistake love for dependency, for control, for attachment.”