1. “Sleeping with different blankets give you different dreams. If you have a nightmare you can make it go away if you change the blanket. Then you can have a fun dream!”
2. “No, we’re not there yet.” “Hey, did you know that if you sit real quiet in the car, it makes the car go faster so you’ll get there quicker?”
3. “I told my little sister that humans start their lives off as dogs. It was so funny, she waited patiently for our dog to turn into a human so she wouldn’t be the youngest child in the family.”
4. My dad had some good ones: “Toys R Us is a museum, so no, we can’t bring anything home.” And, “All the animals at the zoo are different kinds of dogs.”
5. This is not exactly a lie, but I taught my kid to jump up yell “Ta – Da” whenever she fell down as a toddler. So, when she come running down the sidewalk, trips and falls, she jumps right up and yells:
6. As a teacher of small children, I tell the students that the smoke detectors are remote control cameras. Every time one of them obviously lies, I say to them: “I’ll just go check the camera recordings and see who’s right”, and they fess up. Works every time.
7. When my preschoolers play together, often with other preschoolers, sometimes they pass gas in the excitement of their play time. Then they look at each other, trying to figure out who did it. I tell them, “When you fart, it makes your ears get warm.” The one who touches their ears to check is usually the offender.
8. We told our kids that the ice cream truck was really the music truck. It worked for 4 years. They never begged to run out and get ice cream when the ice cream truck drove by.
9. “Yes Jason, If you put a slice of ham in the disc drive of your computer it will play a short informational video about pigs.”
10. When I was a kid, I was horribly afraid of monsters coming into my room. My mom filled a spray bottle with water and blue food coloring and printed a sticker that said “Monster Spray”. Boom, no monsters. One day she filled the bottle with clear normal water by accident. But that clever girl, she just told me it was new and improved monster spray that took care of invisible monsters, too. Mom was so smart!
11. We tell our four year old that eating helps her grow big and strong, but that if she refuses to eat she will not only shrink, but age backward. Then she won’t be able to go on her favorite carnival rides or roller coasters. We point out short adults and tell her they aren’t eating right and are shrinking.
12. Introduce your children to the music of Weird Al Yankovic, without telling them his songs are parodies. Then, when they are teenagers at a party, they’ll tell their friends all the “classic” songs are just remakes and rip offs of Weird Al’s songs.
13. I have a veritable army of young cousins. So many, in fact, that I’ve lost count around 40 or so. I tell them all the same lie when I bring them to Disneyland: “All the dolls in It’s a Small World used to be children. Children who cried at Disneyland.”
14. When my kid started loosing teeth I showed him Dwayne “The Rock” “The Tooth Fairy” Johnson and his amazing role as a tooth fairy. I then showed him the rock in WWE. I told him they are tooth fairy fights and the object is to knock each others teeth out. He now thinks all wrestlers are tooth faeries and have to go out at night and collect teeth to replace the ones they loose and get ready for their next fight.