This article was written by Susan Heitler, Ph.D. and repurposed with permission from YourTango.
Healthy folks mostly stay in a good mood. They can ride life’s bumps in good humor. They also have open ears. When you say something to them, they seem to hear it and take it seriously. They succeed in watching out for themselves and, at the same time, respond with generosity and compassion.
That’s the short explanation of narcissism, but there’s more to it if it turns out this is a person you’re dating. Here are six signs he’s a narcissist, and six ways to deal with it.
1. He Doesn’t Care About What You Have to Say
Narcissists tend to think that listening is like being a hockey goalie: They knock away what others say instead of letting the ideas of others enter a shared pool of information. If you say something that’s a good idea, don’t expect credit from a deeply entrenched narcissist. Instead, he’s likely to say your idea later as if it was his own.
2. Everything is Always About Him
Narcissistic people are sometimes, and even often, generous. The difficulty comes when what they want is contrary to what you want. Then, it’s all about them—their wants, their needs, and not yours.
3. He Makes Up His Own Rules
Narcissists suffer from what I call “Tall Man Syndrome.” They feel that they are special and above others, so rules don’t apply to them.
4. He’s Not Interested in Your Issues
Narcissists think everything is about them, so if you try to say something about a feeling like sadness or anxiety that you’ve been experiencing, they are likely to hear it as a criticisms of themselves. If they don’t take your feelings personally, they still are unlikely to respond with much sympathy or helpfulness. They are more likely to react with irritation than compassion because the focus is supposed to be on them, not on others.
5. When You Argue, It’s Your Fault
Unwillingness to take responsibility for mistakes goes hand in hand with quickness to blame. Stay clear of blamers, or ignore them. Otherwise, they can be very demoralizing. Also, be realistic about their capacity for change. They are often unlikely to make bad habits better because they don’t learn from their mistakes.
6. When He’s Angry, It’s Also Your Fault
Again, blaming others is a narcissistic means of sustaining self-worth. But beware of getting mad back at a narcissist; they’ll respond with fury. They can get mad at you (because it’s your fault if they are mad), but all hell is likely to break loose if you dare to show even slight irritation toward the