A few days ago, at Abovewhispers.com, we featured an article from Iheoma Obibi on ‘Learning not to be angry’. It was about managing in-law drama, stemming from her recent experience of attending the funeral of her father-in-law. As Iheoma stated in her article, it came from a rant on Facebook that she posted when she got back from the funeral. Her anger, frustration and pain was obvious. I have known Iheoma for over twenty-five years. She is one of the most brutally honest women I know. With her, what you see is what you get. There are many women who bottle up their anger and frustration, so I salute my friend Iheoma for having the courage to pour out her heart.
Iheoma’s cry raised a number of questions, the key one being how do we manage this complex issue as wives without compromising our own self-worth? Just as we think we have got it all figured out, our daughters are now getting married and need guidance. The dramatis personae in each relationship/marriage are different so the dynamics are never the same. When you marry into a family, you become a part of their lives, for better for worse and they become a part of yours. If you think this is a uniquely African issue, you are mistaken- it is universal. Many women find managing relationships with their in-laws quite difficult. Here are some strategies which might help:nd it is your turn to receive a young, nervous bride into your household. How will you treat her?
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Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a gender specialist, social entrepreneur and writer. She is the former First Lady of Ekiti State and Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women.
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9 Responses
Well thought out, well written, but often in real life these family issues are spontaneous. Most time one has to respond to the spur of the moment and it is often not premeditated. Mutual Respect for one another is the salt of all quality relationships. We should aspire to inculcate that effortlessly in our relationships. When we imbibe the culture of mutual respect, it is a lot easier to deal with difficult situations and people. My secret will be THINK RESPECT & ACT RESPECT and you will be just fine with most people – Young Old, Middle aged etc. Thank you for sharing your thoughts
This article is more than wow, thanks for sharing practically ma’am. Ure indeed a blessing.
Whao! Some of the best marital advice I’ve gotten in years spring up from these lines. Well written…
God bless you ma,timely and instructive for new brides that don’t desire to have a living mother in law
This is an article for this season. God bless you Ma
Spot On! So great a guideline.
This is so much needed in our time. God bless you Mum!!!
Great advice. Thank you.
Nice write up however it appears that a woman has to do and prove herself alot in marriage both to her husband and in-laws. Makes me wonder whether marriage is no longer a partnership and a mutually symbiotic relationship?! Makes me also wonder why women are always so eager to jump into it considering it seems to involve alot of sacrifices and work from their end and men are not so eager considering it seems to be a ride in the park for them.