By Omidoyin Dorcas

The English language offers specific terms to describe relationships at nearly every stage—boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, husband, wife, spouse. But what about that special stage before marriage? This is where the terms fiancé and fiancée come into play. These words, borrowed from French, describe an engaged person, with fiancé referring to a man and fiancée to a woman. But their similarity often raises questions: what’s the real difference, and how did these words come to be used in English?

A Brief History of Fiancé and Fiancée

The origins of fiancé and fiancée stem from the French verb fiancer, meaning “to promise,” and they share roots with the Latin word fidere, meaning “to trust.” English speakers adopted these terms in the 1800s, borrowing from French to express formality and refinement—a trend often seen with ceremonial language. Previously, terms like betrothed, intended, and even the antiquated bride-elect and bridegroom-elect served similar purposes. The shift to the French terms, however, reflected a growing English affinity for French words in formal settings.

As linguist Lindsay Rose Russell explains, English speakers viewed French as a language of elegance. Thus, fiancé and fiancée became popular alternatives to the previously used English terms.

The Simple Difference: Masculine vs. Feminine

The distinction between fiancé and fiancée is straightforward in written form: fiancé refers to a man, while fiancée refers to a woman. Yet, there’s an important note—the terms describe the person engaged, not their partner’s gender. So, a woman engaged to another woman is still a fiancée. In spoken English, though, the two words sound identical, and this makes them essentially gender-neutral when spoken.

Fiancé and Fiancée in Modern English

Historically, English has not always embraced gendered distinctions in borrowed words. But despite this, fiancé and fiancée have retained their separate forms for centuries. This is somewhat unusual since English generally modifies foreign borrowings to fit its own rules of spelling and pronunciation. In print, this distinction is especially common in edited texts, where the visual difference signals the intended gender of the term.

However, as gendered endings like -ess and -ette become less popular in English, the tendency to use fiancée as a gender-neutral term is increasing. Some people, uncomfortable with these gendered terms, choose to drop the accent altogether or opt for more neutral options like partner, engaged partner, or future spouse.

The Future of Fiancé and Fiancée

Language is always evolving. As fiancé and fiancée continue to appear in English, they may either fade from use or take on new forms. Some people find the terms too formal or even awkward, while others embrace them wholeheartedly. According to some language experts, fiancée has gained traction as the preferred, more gender-neutral term in recent years, similar to how divorcée has become more common than divorce to describe someone who has ended a marriage.

Take home: when choosing between fiancé, fiancée, or a gender-neutral alternative, it’s best to take the lead from the engaged person themselves. Whether they prefer one of these traditional terms or a more contemporary alternative, the goal is to respect each person’s individual choice in how they wish to be addressed during this unique period in their lives.