AW Gist (The Change Agents): Money Is Not Enough

By Onozasie

Just before you begin: This is a discussion between three social agents, three women involved in different social innovations who’ve been brought together to discuss the different issues they’ve solved, the different stories they’ve heard and how we all can become good influencers, good change agents. I hope this stirs a thing up as you read.

                             Meet the Change Agents:

My name is Jadesola Olumide, I Work with women in rural and urban Nigeria. My organization teaches them to work with their hands to make money, well that’s what some people call skills acquisition. I have worked with over 5,000 women and I am still working daily with women and girls.

I am Tomi Nelson, I am an advocate against rape and sexual assault in society. I was working in the UK before coming to stay in Nigeria, and I must say I have seen much more than I expected to see. It’s no news that we have a lot to do but it is news that we need hands to make this happen.

My name is Lilian Ukachi. I am a media personality, social media influencer and trainer. I work with women and girls on a daily basis, I listen to them, motivate them to thirst for more and go beyond their boundaries. We have a lot of women and girls out there whose zest for life has been destroyed. It is imperative that we join hands to make their dreams come true.

violence

Moderator:  Hello, Ladies. How are you all doing?

Ladies: We are good, thank you, Moderator

Moderator:  I don’t know if anyone of you saw the video of the pastor who killed his wife, the one who shot his wife seven times till she died and so many other horrifying stories of men killing their wives.  As I thought about the topic for us to discuss, I felt the need for us to discuss with our young and old about marriage. Young people think that when they have enough money, then marriage does it for them but we are aware that marriage is beyond money. What exactly is going on?

Tomi Nelson: First of all, let me say this, It is pathetic! it is so pathetic that the one you love or loved, the one whom you shared your life with would become the monster to kill you, to stab you, to do all sorts to you. So, were there signs? there would be, there would have been but we were ‘in-love’ and we didn’t see them. Sometimes, we wonder how very intentional, outspoken women ended up marrying a monster and didn’t find the courage to leave before they got killed. This is to tell you that when it comes to the matters of the heart, it takes another level of willingness and guts. This crisis should be a wake-up call for a lot of us parents to stop exacting pressure on our kids. We should stop making the home unbearable for them just because we want them married, stop calling them to hasten them up. Sometimes, these young people get married cos they are tired of their family and they get so much in a rush that the necessary things they should have checked, will become neglected.  Money cannot buy maturity. Money cannot buy common sense, money cannot buy peace. If he has money to run a home does he have a balanced mind to run a home? He has a car isn’t enough reasons to settle down with him, he makes money is not enough. These things are important, of course we know but the most important thing here, is his brain. How has this person handled an argument with you, did he scream, did he bang the chair? Has he slapped you out of mistake? These are the warning signs. Do not overlook them.

Jadesola Olumide:  You cannot give what you don’t have. If you don’t have sense, you cannot give it. I saw the video of the prophet who killed his wife. The man walked into the family house of that woman and threatened her and when her brother tried calling the police, she declined of him. I saw the desperation in his eyes and I knew from that moment that he’s not joking. Her brother saw it too that’s why he wanted to call the police immediately. How can someone do that? how? she’s just 27 according to the story. Listen, this so-called man of God didn’t wake up to be a monster. He’s always been a monster. There is something in the heart of women that tells them when they are with the wrong person but they are blinded. Blinded by so many things and that’s why we should keep telling them to love with their head, not their heart. If he makes any threat at all, call everybody, call the police, call soldiers, call everyone and walk away. Don’t be alone.  Don’t be persuaded into death. ‘I will slap you now, is a sign. I will kill you now is a sign, I will beat your parents is not a joke, it is a sign’ don’t take such likely. ‘shut up is a sign, don’t talk to my friend while I am with them is a sign’ My darling, even if he has money to buy you the world, he will also buy your casket if you don’t woman up and smell the coffee. Listen, it is a no brainer to think that a man ‘taking care of you by providing for you is all that there is to marriage.’ Marriage is deeper than that.

Lilian Ukachi: One of the major problems we have is the notion that ‘it is better to cry in a jeep than on a bike’ a lot of young people make such a statement. They think it is cool to be trapped in a mansion than in a hut but they have forgotten that it is better not to cry or to be trapped. It is not a joke! Sexual violence is not a joke. Women getting killed by their partners is not a joke. Money is not marriage and money is not love. If you are not sure about who you want to marry, please do not marry. I am going to say his for the umpteenth time, no man is worth dying for. No man! If he’s started to hit you before marriage, you better run away and report him to the police. A lot of women are married to psychopaths. They are married to madmen. I remember the story of a lady who was stabbed five times by her spouse. This woman suffered emotional and physical violence and didn’t speak to anyone. People noticed that she’s withdrawn but they felt she’s just ‘gentle’. Her family members wanted her back but she’s so scared that this man would come and hurt them but guess what, the day she packed her things to leave the house, was the very night he stabbed her and pretended that they were robbed. why would you even let him know that you are about to leave the house? You will pretend to go and get something and never come back home again. Is he alive? yes, he is but this young woman, died. I have money, I can take care of you is too weak a line for you to say I do. There are deeper things. Talk. See. Study and if it ain’t worth it, my sister, Move!

Moderator: A supportive family is very important. According to what Tomi said, some families make their daughters want to leave and marry anyone.

Jadesola Olumide: Sister, instead of getting hooked to a man to evade family pressure, get yourself a job. Look for a good friend and move into their space. Your family will survive with or without you.

Tomi Nelson: Before I got married, my mum was nervous and she was indirectly getting on my nerves. I mentioned it to her and when it seems like she was not getting the point, I moved out. Listen, you will not find yourself a husband just because you want to make someone’s dreams come true or make them happy. You will find yourself a man because you want to and you will get married to him because he is the right man for you. Sis, just know what you want and you will be fine!

Lilian Ukachi: Once again, no man is worth dying for. Leave!

Moderator: Thank you, Ladies.

Ladies: Thank you, Madam Moderator.

 

 

 

 

Source: Above Whispers

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