We all have a certain amount of baggage from the past. The difference between those who are able to move on and prosper in future romantic relationships and those who get mired down is forgiveness. Forgiveness allows us to stow that baggage where it belongs. After all, how can you ever start out on a new adventure without unpacking your bags from the one?

Why is forgiveness so hard to do? One reason is that holding onto things can feel comforting. It lets us justify our past decisions and feel that we are in familiar surroundings, not the great unknown. But the fact is that even if it feels productive or useful, holding onto the past holds you back.

But you can let go of the past and move on to create something incredible today and tomorrow. It just takes a little courage and a lot of effort.

If you find yourself stuck on something when you’d much rather forgive and forget, try changing the context and setting when you think about the past. Don’t look at your past as some kind of tragedy.

Learn to really see yourself as the author of your story to come. That’s a powerful position to be in. As the person writing the story, don’t lay blame on yourself, your past partners or your family. Remember that the practice of unconditional love is a no-blame game.

Seize your power by doing what can, at times, be difficult: forgiving. Take away only the positive lessons from the experience and let go of the pain, hurt and blame. Those feelings aren’t helpful to you or anyone else — they just make you suffer. Set yourself free.

Set your partner free, too. Whether or not they were connected to painful experiences in the past, you have chosen to be with them now. Don’t cast them as the villain. Why would you? You ensure that both of you will fail if you set that sad story in motion.

You are the author of this story. While every relationship has conflict at times, your overall narrative can be positive, beautiful and empowering if you write it that way.