I am glad we made to 2019. Oh, what joy to be here, hale and hearty. We do not take this for granted and as a community we want to say thank you for being with us through the years. As usual, I have returned to share the stories of courage, tenacity, growth through these counselling sessions. I will love to hear that members of this community are growing, they are evolving and learning to be aware of their environment and the people in their lives. This year, our stories are unique, our willingness to help is unchanged and we hope that the effect of being here will be seen in your individual community. Let’s get started : Today, I have a woman whose career started from scratch but have been dis-stabilized because she married a man who didn’t think her growth was necessary, to him being married means being under the clog of her man.

Here is the discussion between Adejoju and I.

Madam K : You are such a pretty woman. How many years have you been married ?

Adejoju : Three years and its been hell through those years.

Madam K : And how many years did you date your husband?

Adedoju : A year and three months…

Madam K {Sighs} and he changed? or you never noticed?

Adedoju : Madam K, I don’t know if he changed or I didn’t notice it but we discussed these issues while we were dating and he had nothing against them. I told him that I would want to pursue my career as an investment banker, do my courses, move through every cadre. He was happy to hear it and said it wasn’t a problem at all. After our wedding, I did my exams, passed and moved higher, did another one and moved higher again but when I was about to get on the fourth one, he said it’s not necessary. I was moving too fast and after all, I am just a wife, a soon to be mother whose certificate will lead to nothing. I felt he was joking at first but he wasn’t he was serious. He started nagging, rejecting my meals, keeping late nights. The hiatus  between us became more and more profound and I was wondering what I did wrong. I spoke to his mother about it and he told her that he needed me to resign for peace to reign in our house. They are all asking that I resign to save my marriage but what about me? I feel cheated. I feel deceived. No one is talking about what would make me happy, no one is asking me about me but they want me to settle for him. Lay down my guard for him

Madam K : I think the both of you should talk, genuinely talk

Adedoju : I have tried my best but he is not listening to me. He wants me to resign or get a job lesser to what I have right now. How?  I should get what wouldn’t make me happy?

Madam K : Has he always told you to step down your zeal for him even while you were dating?

Adedoju : Well, Yes! I have always had to compromise for the sake of peace. I have always had to be the lesser one for the higher one  but those things didn’t matter to me. I just felt I was loving him the right way.

Madam K : Perhaps, that was what brought the weightier one. You have shown him that you will always step things down for him to feel comfortable but you haven’t taught him to understand that the meaning of love is understanding what compromises are. You didn’t settle down to discuss that things might vary later on. Because you have decided to stop wearing pink because he hates pink doesn’t mean you would stop making money even when the wraps come in pink. The issue is not about compromising on your part, the problem is, your husband feels you have attained a certain height in your career and that sums it up. He doesn’t want you to move higher than that. He thinks he has fulfilled his part of allowing you be what you want to be.

This issue is complicated. You need to come with your husband so we can really discuss this. I hope we wouldn’t mind coming here. 

Adedoju : Madam K, I left the house three weeks ago. I needed peace and he wasn’t giving me peace, since I left that house, he didn’t call me. He didn’t send a text message which means, we can as well wrap this marriage up.

Madam K : Do you want to wrap this marriage up?

Adedoju : No, but he leaves me no choice. I feel we can talk about this but I am not leaving my job for anyone. I will not compromise this because we had an agreement.

Madam K : This is what you are going to do, write a letter to your husband, send it to his mail. Write exactly how you feel and how you have ever felt in your relationship and marriage, tell him everything and ask him that you are willing to talk if he wants you both to sort this out. 

Adedoju : Why can’t he be the one to send me a mail? I have left his house for three weeks and he didn’t reach out and now you want me to reach out?

Madam K : Ever heard of conflict resolution? and wait, how come you came here to talk after three weeks? even when he didn’t come along? What are you trying to do?

Adedoju : Well, I will send it and if he doesn’t reply?

Madam K : You will pack your heart, head and mind together and Live Your Life!

To be continued next week….