LOUD WHISPERS: Election Fever

Who needs any of the ‘Woods’?

Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood, Kannywood, Yollywood

They have nothing on election time in Naija

Prime entertainment

Even when it is not funny it is funny

Even when it is bad you say ‘it could be worse’

None of the ‘Woods’ in the world matched the starring cast

The Big Daddy who decided there will be no ‘Vote and buy soup’

He was fed up with EU, AU, ECOWAS, USA, UK and others bringing it up

Yet we taught President Trump how to do palliatives during COVID

Just before elections, but I digress

The Chief Banker who shut down banks

And rendered a whole country literally cashless

Pilling suffering on an already suffering people

He even had the audacity to look and sound innocent

The one blow many die orator who made us aware of mischief in high places

He should know, he and his friends are in high places

The chill Professor with multiple job descriptions such as

Headmaster, anti-hacker, counsellor, parent to stubborn children and more

The revolving door Daddy who pops up every four years

This time his umbrellas had large holes in them, all self-inflicted

The ‘almost’ messiah who shook and broke many tables

Though his strategists are not very good at math, percentages and maps

The man in the red cap who racked up hundreds of thousands of votes

Not to win but just because he could

The badass Baba

The one you cannot drown, burn, stab or bury

The one who waits out battles while he wins the war

The grammy-worthy singer-wailer with the red designer jacket

Who made an ill-advised attempt to challenge results from the Land of many Professors

The one-man dancing battalion

who painfully and sweetly scattered his own backyard to prove a point

The famous letter writer who has probably written one letter too many

The entertainment was just too much

The online warriors were relentless, shameless, rude, obnoxious, foolish

 courageous, brave, admirable

It all depended on which leg of the tripod you were holding on to

Ranging from the profound to the profane

Big grammar, small grammar, curses, blessings

There was room for everything

There was more than one victor

There were many vanquished

Brotherhood, sisterhood, kinship, friendship all became casualties

God bless the founders of Tik Tok, Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp

For providing non-stop updates and drama

I particularly loved the videos of the men and women of God

The ones who were delivering messages God did not send them

Who says God does not have a sense of humour?

Politics is 1+1=2

Politics is 2+2=6

It is not for the faint of heart neither is it for those with hot heads

Kudos to all those who mobilised, strategised

 and took down strongholds without a Shishi

Well done to all those who performed their civic duties with the minimum of fuss

Shame on all those who could not be bothered to show up for a ‘cashless’ venture

Now they want to wail and gnash teeth

Get up, go out and do the needful

Stay close and watch the count

Then go home and mind your business

Before you type the next round of abuses, allow your brain to talk to your fingers

There is life after politics is not a cliché

It is a fact

Thank you to all the performers

The performance was flawed, bewildering in parts, shocking at times

Yet there is hope that better days will be upon us soon

Congratulations to Baba the Winner

The only bat in the world who can see – Guiness book of records take note

Congratulations to the new Distinguished and Honourables

Please do not forget your people when you go to Abuja

Patience to all the others

Now it is time for those in the long black gowns and wigs to enter the arena

With merit or meritless, they are good to go

Newly minted millionaires loading………………………………

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com