This article was inspired by this question as asked by one of my young friends on his Facebook page and I was fired up to write about the time I think a man should get married tapping into my anecdotal research findings on the topic. Here are the indicators for when a man is ripe for marriage. No long story I will just list them straight away as there is no time for time.

A man should marry when he:

1. Can feed at least 10 people (His wife, 2 children—assuming he and his wife will decide on having 2, his parents and wife’s parents – assuming they are pensioners and still alive and 2 friends, siblings etc) consistently (month on month, year on year) without complaining.
2. Can forgive and forget his partner’s sins and mistakes without using it against her now or in the future
3. Is able to buy diaper and baby food for at least 4 years without complaining or shouting up and down or nagging.
4. Can live with the cry of a baby and tantrums of children.
5. Can afford DSTV or GOTV subscription without DSTV calling him to remind him of the last time he subscribed.
6. Can move his family around conveniently either using Uber, Taxify, Gokada, Marwa or his own car without thinking 2, 3 or 4 is a crowd.
7. Is able to pay at least 100,000 Naira as school fee for the 3 terms and his children will not be sent away from school
8. Is able to find a woman that will also work, have a life, make her own money and support him—note the support is optional (fati ni—It is a fact).
9. Has learnt to cook his own food, wash his cloths (dry cleaner can help here), pack his plates after eating, lay his own bed etc even when there is someone to help.
10. Understands that remote control belongs to everyone in the house and that he cannot just change the channel without negotiating or even begging. Otherwise he should do Multiview
11. He can pay house rent without the landlord knocking his doors
12. Can do “give-away” — in-laws getting married, burial parties, birthdays (for those who celebrate) etc.
13. Understands that sex will not always be available and that he needs to negotiate it and that headaches are normal for a woman; it could be real or fake—oops! I did not say that. Note you must be able to do more than 2 mins.
14. Has mastered the commandment “thou shall not have headache or be tired when madam asks for her right, however she is allowed to be tired and you must learn to manage the pain”.
15. Can afford to fund his own marriage ceremony without disturbing friends and family.
16. Can process his wife’s anger, nagging and “yabbis” as feedback and he listens patiently
17. Understands that a man that beats a woman is stupid and should be jailed.
18. Can afford 5 liters of fuel for the house daily—weekdays— (and like 10liters for the weekend)—charging phone, watching Telemundo/news/cartoon, blending pepper, quickly doing laundry, gen “sha” must be on every day.
19. Can decide to marry at his own pace, time and when he feels ready — ignoring the pressures of “is she the one?” or “when will you bring her home?”

I wonder where I see this list self. E be like say I don dey talk too much FEM!