Be Present In Your Relationship

To improve communication in relationships and truly understand what your partner is telling you, be present. Put time aside and dedicate yourself 100% to communicating with your partner. They should truly feel that they have your full attention and that they are your number one priority.

It’s difficult to listen and be fully present, aware and mindful when you’re angry and stressed or are working on things that take time away from your relationship. This is a part of life, but it’s important to realize that it’s not an excuse for neglecting communication in relationships. Remember that intimacy, love and trust are built when times are hard, not when they’re easy. If we gave up at every sign of resistance, we would never progress and evolve. Seize these opportunities to learn how to deal with conflict and stress in a healthy manner and watch as you grow and flourish with your partner.


Resist letting a simple discussion about what’s happening now devolve into a rehash of every wrong that has ever happened between you and your partner. This is the opposite of loving and effective communication in relationships. Instead, assess the present situation and identify what you can do at this moment. Pause and remember why you’re here, and remember that your goal, the outcome that you value, is to strengthen your relationship, build intimacy and learn how to communicate better. There’s absolutely nothing either of you can do about the past right now, so let it go.

How to communicate better is about more than saying the right things. You should also be aware of your body language. You could offer all the loving and supportive words in the world to your partner, but if your arms are crossed over your chest and you have a scowl on your face, your partner is unlikely to respond favourably. How to communicate in a relationship means listening, loving and supporting with your whole being. Lean toward your partner, keep your face relaxed and open and touch them in a gentle manner. Show them through all your words, actions and expressions that you are their number one fan even if you are in conflict.


You know what your partner needs and have thought about their preferred communication style, but there’s something else that affects communication in relationships: how you’re speaking. Experts on communication break down the way we talk into pitch, pace, volume and timbre. The next time you’re in a disagreement with your partner, be mindful and make conscious efforts to modulate these aspects of your voice.

A voice that is overly high-pitched sounds defensive and immature. Also, if you end a sentence with a higher pitch, it sounds like a question; don’t do this unless you’re actually asking a question, or you may instil doubt in your partner.

The pace just means how fast you’re talking. Take a deep breath and slow down – especially when you’re disagreeing. Speak calmly and clearly to get your message across.

Pay attention to volume, especially volume “creep,” and avoid competing to be heard – competition only leads to shouting and miscommunication. Being louder won’t help you communicate with your partner. If your partner is speaking, you should listen.

Timbre refers to your voice’s emotional quality, attitude and tone. Pay careful attention to this, and watch for red flag timbres like sarcasm that can erode communication in relationships and cause distrust between partners. When things do get out of hand, break the pattern: Be playful and use humour in a way that keeps the conversation flowing in the right direction. Injecting humour into the situation can make it feel less dire and can yield amazing results for the two of you. That’s because humour helps you regain perspective and balance; it is an essential component of healthy communication in relationships. It also relieves stress and improves your physical happiness in your everyday life. The biggest benefit to laughing in this context is that it reminds you that you love just being together with your partner. It reminds you that you can enjoy your time together, even when things seem challenging.

When learning how to communicate in a relationship, it’s important to break the pattern of hostility, hurt and retreat. For example, when you catch yourself raising your voice or being sarcastic, change your tone. If you’re using “you” repeatedly and blaming your partner, switch to “I” and “me,” or better yet, “we.” There’s no point in offloading all your relationship’s issues on to your partner. There are two people in every relationship, so don’t shift the blame to be entirely on their shoulders.

Breaking the pattern is a powerful way of reframing the discussion and bringing it back to a level where you can get to what matters. Communication in relationships is all about what your partner’s needs are, what your needs are and how you can both feel fulfilled from your relationship.


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