MAKING IT BETTER: How Have You Made Someone Feel Today?

Or maybe the question could be how did you make someone feel yesterday? Whichever way you ask it the question is something we should ask ourselves every day.  As we come to the end of the year, that on one level appears to have gone very quickly but on the other hand has been packed with so many major events, publicly and no doubt on personal levels for many; we must look at how we have participated in these events. I am not one for New Year resolutions because it doesn’t resonate with me there’s too much hype about it. However I always try to take stock of where I am at the end of the year and where I would like to focus on going into the New Year.

This end of year period feels particularly significant for me. There are some things about it that are quite clear to me and there are some that are unclear and even mysterious. I welcome all even though some of it leaves me slightly unsettled. I feel a stirring as if something is about to be birthed. It scares me as the mystery of it fills me with dread, anticipation and excitement. However I am deeply trusting and invested in my process in service to humanity; so I go forward with openness and great joy!

I am very clear that at this particular time in my life, I have a responsibility to make the best, well thought out choices that will enhance my life and continue to make the lives of others better. I must draw a line under things that will detract from this goal. Sometimes we hold on to hope and faith in thing s which are actually delusions.  These are simply fixed ideas that are usually false that people hold on to tenaciously even when they have overwhelming evidence to the contrary. In principal I have always thought on these lines but something feels even more urgent about it now. This might be because I am more conscious of my own mortality, or it could be because I am acutely aware of the desperately unhealthy state of the universe, or something else that has not been revealed to me, or all of the above.

A few weeks ago I ran into an old English colleague and seeing her suddenly made some things sharply clear to me that I already believed in but have become sealed in my mind now. I first met this person almost ten years ago. She was much younger than me and hugely brilliant both academically and in her competence professionally. To add to this she was incredibly beautiful. All the women wanted to look like her and all the men wanted to be with her! Everyone thought she had the world at her feet and envied her. There was something about her energy and something in her eyes that told me a different story. As I watched her come and go and watched her interaction with people I was sure I saw a deep sadness and something despairing in her.  Over time I got to know her and spent time with her. I engaged with her in a different way to others and asked lots of questions about how she felt and what was really going on for her. It turned out she was suicidal and had tried on several occasions to end her life. She had been the victim of the worse sexual abuse you can imagine. The one that happens to you when you are a child by family members; this beauty that everyone was fawning over had been the source of all her pain. She had an intense self loathing and every time someone commented on her looks (which was all the time) it made her want to kill herself because it reminded her of all her past trauma. We developed a friendship and over a period of two to three years I saw a change in her. She appeared to lose some of the darkness and sadness she had been wearing for so long. I had always encouraged her to move on professionally, because I knew she was unhappy where she was but didn’t feel she deserved anything better. One day she came in and told me she had applied for a job as a professor in a school and had got the job! I was ecstatic for her and we went out to celebrate. As we were about to part she said something to me that still informs the work I do today. She said ‘Gloria you saved my life just by making me feel good about myself every time I saw you’. When I saw my friend recently, she reminded me of that statement she made to me several years ago and told me she still hears my words in her head when she feels bad and it soothes her.

To say I was humbled is an understatement. I continue to me humbled on a daily basis through the different paths my work takes me. This is not the first time people have told me I saved their lives or that I make them feel happy, or that I helped them to think of making better choices, or other very kind sentiments. However I always quickly correct them by telling them that they saved their own lives. They made the choices to do or not to do something. I might have been the vehicle or conduit that created a safe space to enable them to make those decisions, but the final decision that effected the change in their lives came from them!

We can all be that conduit, that vehicle, that enabler to someone if we choose to be. It doesn’t have to be about money which is sadly how we measure everything. Don’t get me wrong I want to be as comfortable as the next person, and money can give you comfort and some better options but I have found there is something that gives you lasting joy and fulfilment and that is making someone feel better, saving someone’s life (figuratively or actually). It has been my lives work and will continue to be the rest of my lives work. What time on earth I have is unknown and precious and I choose to use it asking myself these questions…How have you made some one feel yesterday, today?  Also how are you making things better? Remember however you effect or impact on the universe, on your fellow man, has a way to find its way back to you in one form or another

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Above Whispers family. May we all strive to make a difference in the world, in others lives. May we be known as great givers, help us to be generous and kind, help us to look to the needs of others and not be consumed by only our own.

May we be lovers of truth, may the fruits of the divine spirit be evident in our lives. May we be blessed with God’s love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to MAKING IT BETTER: How Have You Made Someone Feel Today?

  1. Olakunle Olajide December 25, 2018 at 3:47 pm

    I wish you the same ma’am and I sincerely appreciate you for this piece and the previous ones I have read. You are indeed a blessing. Thank you so much ma’am.

    Reply
  2. Femi Diipo December 31, 2018 at 1:14 pm

    Complement of the seasons to you too ma’am. What a year it’s been and you’ve had so many wonderful, thoughtful and inspiring tips on here for us throughout. You’re deeply appreciated and we are looking forward to more in 2019. We shall continue to strive to be better and help others as much as possible. Thanks again ma’am

    Reply

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