LOUD WHISPERS: If I Had My Way

How many times have you heard people say, If I had my way……………. Then they would go ahead to list all those things they would do if they had the final say on the matter. Every one of us has such a list. This is mine.

  • If I had my way, there would be only three political parties and there would be no elections. Each party would meet with a hundred delegates each drawn from various interest groups, along the lines of a constitutional conference. The conference will have a critical outcome – everyone gets something. Apart from the politicians leading the process, the ‘delegates’ would include a fair number of ‘security consultants’ a.k.a ‘thugs’, prayer warriors, Pastors, Imams, ‘Babalawos’, Youth, (a.k.a ‘Yuut’), praise singers and so on. After a period of three days, each party would have agreed to a process of power sharing. The party with the most effective team would probably emerge with the most spoils, but none of the parties would go home empty handed. This is a much cheaper and safer way of deciding who gets what. And there would be no need for ‘Vote and cook soup’.
  • If I had my way, all indicted rapists and paedophiles would be relieved of their ‘weapons of mass destruction’. Since some elements in society have taken it upon themselves to wage war on women’s bodies with all the biological and non-biological weapons at their disposal, the least we can do is engage in a process of ‘disarmament’.
  • If I had my way, every school would have a Sex Offenders registe If there is a reported case of sexual assault or harassment by a teacher, it means there was no due diligence in the hiring of such teachers. School authorities should be held accountable for violations against female students.
  • If I had my way, History would be taught right from Nursery School. I would set up a National Academy of Historians, with a view to training and encouraging a new generation of Historians and I would lure retired History Professors out of retirement for them to run it. I would also put out a special appeal, backed with serious resources, to all the African Historians comfortably ensconced in Ivy league Universities in the USA and Europe.
  • If I had my way, I would launch a National Story-Telling Competition. This would enable us share our unique gifts of imagination and creativity with the rest of the world, and would serve as a strong mentoring tool for young people. Stories such as, ‘How Jaiye spent two days on a tree’, ‘How David died and Simon took his place’ and ‘How a snake swallowed money in a safe’, are sure to win top prizes.
  • If I had my way, all our children would pay for their own wedding. You want to get married? Great! Just give me the date and venue, I will show up. No, I am not paying for the hall, engagement, food, drinks, musician, aso-ebi and flowers. It is your wedding, not mine.
  • If I had my way, there would be no churches or mosques in residential areas. Any religious establishments flouting this regulation will be charged with noise pollution. And we would need to re-visit the issue of paying taxes.
  • If I had my way, every public building would have wheel-chair access. Any building found not to have this would pay a heavy fine, and there would be a motivated task force moving around to ensure compliance.
  • If I had my way, everyone responsible for designing forms for the public to fill (immigration, applications and so on) should go through further training to make them more sensitive. Such forms were designed for societies with names such as Fox, Smith or Kent. Not for places where we have names such as Oguguamakwa, Agbongiasedeh and Magbagbeoluwa.
  • If I had my way, there would be a National Running Day, during which there would be competitions and prizes at unit, ward, local government and State level. The prizes would be so attractive that all year round, people young and old would keep fit and practice. The result? A healthier populace less likely to suffer from sudden deaths and a decline in the number of old women persecuted for witchcraft.
  • If I had my way, there would be live lie detector technology. This means every time a husband or wife arrives home to the question, Where have you been? the lie detector would force an involuntary but accurate response from the husband or wife. I however accept that such technology would be sabotaged within a very short space of time.
  • If I had my way, all roads would be tarred, all hospitals would be able to cure their patients, no one would commit suicide out of depression, no woman or girl would be violated, no religious extremist would find anyone willing to listen and there would be no corruption in high or low places.
  • If I had my way, everyone would matter.

 

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

 

 

 

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14 Responses to LOUD WHISPERS: If I Had My Way

  1. Olushola Aderanti December 5, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    If I had my way, you would be the president of Nigeria. If i had my way for realllllllllll.

    Reply
  2. Owolabi Kehinde December 5, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    “If I had my way” i wish you are my tutorress. I will be so glad.

    Reply
  3. Olakunle Olajide December 5, 2018 at 7:24 pm

    Oh my! I laughed from the onset and applauded at the end. Ma’am! You are a gift to this world and i am glad i stayed glued to this site, because i am still unlearning some things and learning new things. I’m sure Governor kayode Fayemi will always seek for your advice because you speak so much sense.
    If i had my way, i will support you to the seat of the presidency.
    If i had my way, i will share your books to all leaders and mandate them to read with an examination to see if they understood the contents.

    Thank you for making everyone matter.

    Reply
  4. DSEED December 5, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    I wish you have your way to make all these happened. We would’ve have a better country. God bless you ma’am.

    Reply
  5. Femi Diipo December 6, 2018 at 10:31 am

    If I have my way I would let you have your way. This can just be everybody’s way. The wedding part is funny sha. I mean yeah there’ll less pressure on those of us with no parent to lavish excessive money on our wedding. Anyways, I know I’m gonna wholeheartedly campaign for you when you finally decide to run for any electoral position in this area country. You’re the kinda leader we desperately need

    Reply
  6. Beesyb December 7, 2018 at 6:50 pm

    If i had my way, you’ld be my mentor. Thank you so very much for all you are doing for our generation ma. In a repressive society like ours, your words are fuels for our ambitions and aspirations.

    Reply
  7. Diamond December 9, 2018 at 2:45 pm

    An inner thoughts from the deep recess of a fertile mind. No one can take away your genuine love for mankind. You deserve a place in the apex echelon of decision making in our country. God will grant you the request to have your ways in obliterating all evils in our society.

    Reply
  8. Ayishat Idris December 9, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    iF i could have my way, I will kill all those corrupt politicians. If i could have my way, i will make you the minister of women affairs.

    Reply
  9. Veronica Imaseun December 9, 2018 at 7:40 pm

    That wedding part is the main thing for me o. Let them pay for their wedding and leave us out. Let them do it themselves.

    Reply
  10. Lilian Martins December 9, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    Funny but absolutely true.

    Reply
  11. Olumola Gift December 9, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    Concerning keeping fit, I have discovered that a lot of us in this generation have neglected our health. we are all out for money that we have refused to take good care of ourselves hence the sudden deaths. We need to be healthy, we need to take check ups seriously, we need to be fit. Thank you mama. God bless you.

    Reply
  12. Constance Idemudia December 9, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    That last part caught my attention, Everyone would matter. That is the end of all. The fact that no one would be taken to be lesser than the other. Everyone would be equal and allowed to live.

    Reply
  13. Segun Olufemi December 9, 2018 at 11:07 pm

    May we have a heart as open minded as the heart of this great woman. A heart willing to serve and watch others succeed. well done ma.

    Reply
  14. Stephen Ogunlade December 11, 2018 at 1:48 pm

    So true, if I had my way I would do same too .

    Reply

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