LOUD WHISPERS: Letter To A Former Friend

My dear former friend,

I hope all is well with you. I am writing this letter to you very reluctantly, but I believe that with every passing day that I cling to silence, there will be more damage done. I am conflicted because I am not sure if I should address you as ‘Friend’ or ‘Former Friend’. Deep down in my heart, you are still my friend of many years. A friend I have worked with, played with, prayed with, cried with and danced with. In light of recent events it seems that all those times we shared did not mean that much to you. When I sensed that things were going wrong based on feedback I was getting from busybodies, I reached out to you. At first you gave me the runaround for a while. ‘I am travelling, I will see you when I get back’, or ‘I am attending a conference, I will call you’. I kept hoping that you would tell me what was wrong, you never did. Finally, I got to hear what I had done wrong. I was simply collateral damage in a struggle for power, relevance and influence. This is so sad. Whatever positions we hold today will not last forever. No title, rank or designation can take the place of the warm embrace of a true friend. When the sirens of power fade away from hearing, it is our real friends who we sit with in the privacy of our homes, sharing stories, sipping tea or drinking wine. I did not know that power means so much more to you than our friendship. I will never forget the many times you were there for me as a reliable, dependable ally. Even when other people had something to say about your lack of sincerity I would shut them up and declare you to be a loyal friend.

Even though we don’t do things with the expectation of any kind of reward, I did not think you would forget all the times I was there for you, and all the things I did, even at the risk of other friendships. I hope you can imagine my dismay that people who were not there when we started out together are now the ones broadcasting falsehoods and distorted facts you have placed in their mouths. I am deeply disappointed.

I am not writing this letter to you alone. This is meant for all friends who I have trusted as confidantes and kindred spirits. Friends who ate with me, drank with me and benefitted in so many ways. If I have offended you in any way, I am deeply sorry, please forgive me, even if you have not told me what my offence is. Perhaps one day, you will realise the gravity of what you have done and we can have a conversation. Right now I don’t think you understand the full extent of your actions, so I will let you be. If you are angry with me because I have refused to wither and die, I have no control over that. If you will not forgive me because my star shines so brightly it blinds you, please remember that the sky is wide enough to accommodate billions of stars and generous enough to provide space for every bird to fly. We could have done great and wonderful things together. Yet you found it prudent to move on at a moment when you felt my glory was all gone. As a matter of fact, you used words along those lines to justify your behavior. Thankfully all glory belongs to God, so here I am. Please note that I have not used the words traitor, betrayer and liar to describe you. Those are words used by other people to describe what you have done and continue to do. It saddens me to see how far we have come and where we are now. Our success in life is not determined by the positions we occupy or how much power we feel we have. It is how much we love other people, what we put into the upliftment of others and how we create relationships grounded in mutual respect that can stand the test of time. My conscience is clear that I have thought of and treated you as nothing other than a good friend. When I call someone my friend, I accept them for who they are, warts and all. It is a shame that you could not see beyond my flaws, both real and imagined. I wish you all the best in your endeavours. May I just ask that you advise the young people you have around you to watch what they are saying and writing. One day perhaps you and I will sort things out. The careers of those young people might be in jeopardy for meddling in matters they know nothing of.


Kind regards always

Your Former Friend


Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com


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15 Responses to LOUD WHISPERS: Letter To A Former Friend

  1. Dom Dom May 7, 2018 at 8:41 pm

    This is a kind of letter I should forward to all my former friends and even families too, for some of us we’ve had even more betrayer with families and siblings than friends. Perhaps, relationships don’t really matter to some people, it is just a means to an end and when the end is achieved the friendship is over. May we have friend who will value us as much as we value them

  2. Femi Diipo May 7, 2018 at 8:50 pm

    It is quite obvious that this friendship must have been very important and quite valuable to you ma’am. Hence, I can really understand the heart where this is coming from. I pray everything gets settled and the friendship rekindled, and if that doesn’t happen may you both get to find mutual peace and understanding from the great time and sacrifices you’ve had and shared with each other. We all need friends, loyal and committed friends we can always count on and those kinda friendship if we ever get to have them never ends.

  3. DSEED May 8, 2018 at 9:18 pm

    So deep. But I think there will come a point in our lives where will need to send the content in these letter to some old friends of ours and make them realise how much we have placed them in our lives before they started acting strange. They will be able to know that our race in life are different. They should also always try to give room for changes because change is constant and also that we still care…lol

  4. Olakunle Olajide May 9, 2018 at 12:45 am

    This is serious. I can see the pain in writing this letter, but it is needed and i hope it gets the intended attention. This is a letter worth sharing.

  5. Olushola Aderanti May 10, 2018 at 7:21 am

    People can be very annoying in this world. They can be pathetic. Please, let the fake friends go and breathe new life and fresh air. Let them drown in their jealousy because you will keep shining. #virtualhugstoyouma.

  6. Loreta Williams May 10, 2018 at 7:32 am

    Betrayal is a game thing nowadays. People do not genuinely like growth especially when the growth is from within. This is painful because the ones you call friends and sisters, outrightly tell you that they are no longer friends with you because of your growth. I don’t know why things like this happen but we should thank God for exposing bad people. I am grateful he showed you the real colours of such people and I am happy you discovered right before they go ahead to take life threatening decisions on with one being oblivious about it. Move ahead ma, move forward. you don’t need such people at all.

  7. Tamara Nelson May 10, 2018 at 7:36 am

    Oh! I have moved past this for a long time now. I don’t have close friends anymore because the way they dealt with me, scattered my marriage and business, I am just recuperating now. I have discovered that I am just my own friend and I discuss with my myself and My God. No time for close allies anymore. People can be very mean. Please, move forward ma, You are too bright for such low lives.

  8. Victor Udoh May 10, 2018 at 7:41 am

    People can never change and people dislike good people who are prospering, so sad. Please ma, just leave them let them die in hate. They don’t understand that when God is for someone no one can be against that person.

  9. Bolaji Egbeyemi Olagbaju May 11, 2018 at 8:53 am

    This moved me to tears….Deep! So deep. God bless your heart.

  10. Lilian Osagie May 11, 2018 at 11:16 am

    Wooomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnn! May God lead us to good people and may we know them. No toxic relationship is allowed biko. Please, move on.

  11. Olajumoke James May 11, 2018 at 11:22 am

    @lilian, this isn’t a matter of women alone. men do worse. Let us understand that human beings are who they are, human beings and they will forever be shady, greedy and jealous. The most dangerous set of people are those who pretend to be your friends and stab you. May God expose evil friends in my life just like he exposed yours ma. You should be grateful ma. God has helped you.

  12. veronica Imaseun May 11, 2018 at 11:28 am

    Please, you are too wonderful for toxic relationships ma, please just let those people be. Let them go! I was at an event on time in a SouthWestern state and someone saw your pics on my phone and she was like, Hmm! This woman! she is this and that and I asked how if she has met you personally, she said No, someone told someone that told her. I just directed her to this site and bought her your book. After reading it she said, in her words, ”Father, Forgive me o”. You have blessed people so much and they want to tarnish it. Don’t mind them, you have Evangelists who would spread your gospel for you because you are Indeed a Great Woman!

  13. Samuel May 11, 2018 at 3:08 pm

    You are just too wonderful ma’am. You have just done the highest thing for peace. Infact you just called for peace and hopefully your former friend adheres and the friendship is rekindled. This is a deep lesson for all.

  14. Aderanti Esther May 13, 2018 at 9:25 am

    Mama mi. Please don’t allow haters spoil your mood, don’t allow jealous people soil your progress. You are good person mama please keep the good work on and I want to congratulate you again for shining bright as usual. I love you dearly.

  15. Eric Onuoha May 15, 2018 at 5:52 am

    So sad but true. People should value friendship because it will last longer than position. If you ask me, I would suggest that you leave them alone. Your true friends will show up. I commend you.


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