LOUD WHISPERS: Free Readers Association

Joe: Oga Steven good morning o. How you de?

Steven: I dey well well, thank you Oga Joseph. How family?

Joe: Heh, we de manage jare. (Picking up a newspaper).President Olusegun Obasanjo advises President Buhari against a second term’. Na wa o. See dis Baba done come again. He done write anoda letter!

Benson: No mind de Baba, na only him sabi pass. Na so so letter make him de write.

Moses: (Flipping through another newspaper). It is to be expected now. No be you Yoruba de say old person no fit dey market make small pikin head dey do bend bend. Baba fit talk if he feel say problem dey.

Joe: Na true you talk Moses, but this Baba own too much. Make him get patience small for this government now. Na true, wahala dey all over, but shey na dis kain letter remain. Sebi him de go Aso Rock. Him no fit talk to Baba Buhari man to man?

Benson: Na true say we for have patience small for APC people, but make dem too do quick, abi dem no sabi say time don pass?

Steven: Maybe as dem de do suegbe so, PDP go come back.

Joe: Olorun maje! God forbid!

Moses: So wetin you want now? APC too slow, PDP no good, which one we go do now? Abi una wan join Third Force?

Steven: Which one be Third Force? Shey di people wey de do Red Card? I fit join O!

Benson: I wonder wetin de do us for dis Nigeria. Our matter don pass prayer and  fasting. Na we say make Baba Buhari come fight corruption, him de fight am, now we say him no fight am reach. Wetin di poor man go do? For me o, na Sai Baba!

Joe: My own be say, make Baba do sometin quick, dis herdsmen mata done de take style look like di Boko Haram one. Make Baba kill dis palava one time like the General him be. Our wahala in Nigeria too plenti, this killing left and right no good at all at all. Make Baba do something sharp sharp.

Moses (Still flipping through his paper) Yes o, my brother, na true you talk. Make we see action. This Baba for Ota wey wan do third term dat time, dey say make anoda person no do second term. Haba, see this one, ‘Woman divorced by husband for wearing trousers’. How manage?

Steven: Maybe the husband de warn am, she no listen. Women wey wan wear trouser should not marry now.

Benson: (Laughing) Why you de talk like goat? So trouser na bad thing? Na di trouser wey go make am good or bad wife? Make the husband talk true, him wan marry anoda woman.

Moses: (Nodding) Yes, the tori dey one kain.

Benson: Hear this one o, ‘Son of Kilani State Governor marries daughter of Jalingo State Governor’. Hmmmm, dem dey marry  themselves, dem no fit marry poor person pikin.

Steven: Listen to yaself. Na you the girl for marry, you and your LegedizBenz, you go take am go your Oworonsoki Villa. Abeg leave dat one, just pray for dem.

Moses: Me I like am well well.  Make the children dey marry from different places, dat one good. Dat go bring peace for our country, when we know say we get people and in-laws all over.

Steven: Na true.  We go de behave as if dis obodo Nigeria na twenty countries. Small time now, some States fit ask for your passport. We go de abuse ourselves for Facebook and Whatssap, see am now, their children dey marry demselves.

Benson: Yeepa! ‘Anambra State bans drinking of Garri because of Lassa Fever concerns’. So even ordinary Garri we no fit drink again. Wetin remain for us if we no fit drink Garri?

Moses: Na only for some time. We self, we dirty plenty. Na so so rubbish all over di place. How rats no go dey run around give us Lassa Fever?

Steven: No be government suppose clear di rubbish? Dem no fit pay salari, no fit do road, no fit put medicin for hospital, no fit bring light, how dem go fit clear doti make rat no bring Lassa fever?

Moses: Yes, na government suppose clear doti, but why we dey wait for government? Abeg make we too do sometin. Everitin government government. If na to do party now, we no go wait for government, we go clear road, clear bush to do party or anytin wey we wan do. Small time now, you go de call government come give your wife belle!

All the guys laugh.

Joe: ‘Sex Dolls sold out, men clamouring for more designs’, Na wa o! So na plastic we go de chuk now? Jehovah! Jesus dey come soon, dis world don end pata pata.

Moses: Why man no go chuk plastic when the girls now go dey make yanga, dem no fit cook, no fit shake waist, dem mouth go dey run like tap for waterworks. If I take my money buy plastic, I go de use am as I like.

Benson: Na because of you dem dey say craze people wey wear cloth pass dem wey de waka pataless for street. So na plastic dolly go born for una, go dey cook for una, go wash una clothes, go follow you go party? Your woman na property? I beg make we leave de oyinbo wey get dem own craze, make we no add anoda one put for all di problem wey we get.

Steven: Thank God o, see this one, ‘More Nigerians return from refugee camps in Libya’. At least government try for this one. Make dem warn people wey wan try to check out like Andrew. E no easy to go abroad again o.

Joe: Di people wey de waka go Libya no be even the ones wey no get place to live, like dem wey dey IDP camp. Northerner no plenti among them. Na our people dey hustle go there. God, make we no do hustle wey go hustle us o!

All the others: Amen!

Pedro (Owner of the newstand). Guys, una well done o. How many you go buy, abi na only free reading today?

The guys: (Laughing) No, we go buy. (They all buy one newspaper each).

Moses: I fit read di paper for my phone, but I no wan miss my morning jist with all of una. See you tomorrow.

The guys: Yes o, till tomorrow.

 

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

 

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22 Responses to LOUD WHISPERS: Free Readers Association

  1. Olakunle Olajide January 30, 2018 at 8:54 am

    This is just the typical reading gist at a newspaper stand. So on point. So hilarious with valid and salient points dished out. Thank God there is a positive news with some of the refugees returning home.
    Asides the government, we all have a part to play for cleanliness. And to be sincere i don’t even know who to vote for in the coming elections. Is there any one worthy??
    Thank you ma’am for being consistent, it is a serious task.
    Well done ma’am.

    Reply
  2. Buchi January 30, 2018 at 8:58 am

    This is us!. Loool. I love staying at Newsstand too.

    Reply
  3. Victor Udoh January 30, 2018 at 9:00 am

    Wisdom! Wisdom!! That’s what this article exudes. Too much wisdom!

    Reply
  4. Maureen Adams January 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

    Salient points dished out at a very hilarious level. I love this and I pray for us, May ObJ not write us a letter o. looool

    Reply
  5. Femi Diipo January 30, 2018 at 7:13 pm

    It’s been a while we were treated to such dramatic piece; always didactic and entertaining, addressing social and political issues with important thoughtful thoughts. There are just alot of issues in this country, we all must play our parts on making things better

    Reply
  6. Dom Dom January 30, 2018 at 7:20 pm

    I remember growing up, there was a newspaper stand like this in my area where people gather every morning for political commentary and analysis, this is such a wonderful depiction of such scenarios and issues we have to deal with in this society

    Reply
  7. DSEED January 30, 2018 at 8:13 pm

    So hilarious. But I do enjoy this gist whenever I get myself involved in it. You will see people with different opinions on issues and also arguments.

    Reply
  8. Eric Onuoha February 1, 2018 at 11:53 am

    Funny but if you think about it, they are issues bothering us.

    Reply
  9. Lamide February 2, 2018 at 7:23 am

    What a way to talk about salient issues. I have noticed that those people at the newspapaers stand are so briiliantly engaging. If you aren’t careful, you will spend the whole day there doing nothing.

    Reply
  10. Yvonne Olayiwola February 2, 2018 at 7:26 am

    Hilariously carved around what is troubling us as a nation. You know, I just feel we are running in circles, like there is a recycling of all the issues year in, year out.

    Reply
  11. veronica Imaseun February 2, 2018 at 7:39 am

    Seriously, the issues addressed are quite important and I think mama should talk about this toll fee menace. We just have a totally insensitive government. It’s disheartening.

    Reply
  12. Janet Maccarthy February 2, 2018 at 7:43 am

    The sex dolls thingie caught my attention. My colleague told me that a guy just told his celibate girlfriend who he has been pressuring for sex that he won’t pressure her anymore, since they now have sex dolls for the meantime. Please! Isn’t this madness?

    Reply
  13. Shina Dideolu February 2, 2018 at 7:46 am

    Wow. THe creative and intelligent portrayal of salient issues that torture us as a nation. Really, we have a long way to go and most of the people at the newspaper stand have lots of potentials, some go there to wash away their pains, some go there when they have searched for jobs tirelessly. This nation, we need help and we need ourselves to join force against these useless cabals. We need to fight for the life of Nigeria.

    Reply
  14. Olushola Aderanti February 2, 2018 at 7:50 am

    God help our nation. @janet, that girl should better run for her life.

    Reply
  15. Nathan Bassey February 2, 2018 at 7:53 am

    Who else watched the interview on Channels book club? Jeez! It was a brilliant one. Looking at her talk live on Tv and the way she answered her question was impeccable. You are a dynamic woman and I have bought the book for my wife also. I have discovered that nothing suits a man like investing in one’s wife. God bless your home and bless your husband for allowing you to be you.

    Reply
  16. Susanna Mark February 2, 2018 at 12:28 pm

    Well related, simple, bespoke , funny and intelligent. Thanks for having such a great platform. I love every bit of the segment here. Kudos to you and the team.

    Reply
  17. Opeyemi Williams February 2, 2018 at 12:36 pm

    This is so true. This is hilarious and very well depicted. The issues in Nigeria is pathetic. People that aren’t as wealthy as we are, are doing well. So pathetic!

    Reply
  18. Helena Maxwell February 2, 2018 at 12:39 pm

    This is real! Thanks for always saying it as it is.

    Reply
  19. Anita February 2, 2018 at 1:05 pm

    This is a wonderful platform, My friend told me about this site and I must say it is quite efficient. Very educative and witty. I love this.

    Reply
  20. Victoria E February 2, 2018 at 1:07 pm

    Explicit gist that sums up the situation of this nation. I hope we get to unite against all foes to bring the light of Nigeria back and we need to support women like you to be in government. You should be a minister ma.

    Reply
  21. Vivian. February 2, 2018 at 1:11 pm

    This sex dolls thing ehn, I think mama should write a comprehensive story about this. It is very depressing that some useless men use it to threaten their wives/girlfriends.

    Reply
  22. Samuel February 2, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    I did a bit of this after service year. Though mine was more on sport papers. But the way i see old men reading and talking on some issues always gets me amazed and you just gave me that feel again. You are such a wonder ma’am. I wish i could write like this.

    Reply

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